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The Timing is Never Right |
Have you heard this before?
“The Timing is Never Right”
The first time I heard someone use this phrase was a few years ago when I read some articles about dating, and the topic was raised of when it was appropriate to approach a girl,which moment or how to time it.
Most guys suggested something like that you need to wait till her friends leave for a second, or her clients are done talking to her, or she is getting up to go to the bar, but the truth is…there is no perfect timing.If you wait for that perfect moment, chances are it is not going to present itself and the window of being able to approach her at all is going to disappear.
You need to go, right now,take action. You see her, you like her, then go talk to her. In the industry, dating coaches refer to this as the 3 second rule, meaning that from the moment you see the girl and realise you would like to talk to her, that you have 3 seconds to make your way over there and open your mouth and say the first things that come to mind, even if it’s just “hi”.
The reason that this rule has such massive success is because it eliminates you from coming up with reasons why you should NOT approach her, all the doubts and insecurities. It also forces you to focus on your goal and just adjust your course if you are off-balance.
Timing does not just apply to this dating scenario, it applies to pretty much everything in life.
I bought myself a copy of Tim Ferris’s 4-hour Work week (Which is an absolutely amazing book and I don’t know why I took so long to buy it) and he too, mentions that there never is a perfect timing or moment to make a decision. This is what he says:
“The Timing is Never Right:
I once asked my mom how she decided to have her first child, little ol’ me. The answer was simple: “It was something we wanted, and decided there was no point in putting it off.The timing is never right to have a baby”. And so it is.
For all of the most important things,the timing always sucks. Waiting for a good time to quit your job? The stars will never align and the traffic lights of life will never all be green at the same time.
The universe doesn’t conspire against you,but it doesn’t go out of its way to line up all the pins either.Conditions are never perfect.”Someday” is a disease that will take your dreams to the grave with you. Pro and con lists are just as bad. If it’s important to you and you want to do it “eventually”, just do it and correct course along the way.”
It just makes so much sense to me, I always used to be guilty of saying “someday” and “one day”, but ultimately it was just an excuse for not having the courage to go up and do what I wanted to.
Does that sound familiar? I bet there is at least one thing right now that you really want but always put off to some time in the distant future. Skydiving? A 10km run? A trip to Europe?
The best way to get over the fear or excuse of not doing what you want to do, is to sit down with no distractions, with a pen and paper and write down worst case scenario what can go wrong if you do that thing that you have been putting off.
*Worst case when you approach that girl, she will reject you and say no, or she could have a big WWF wrestler boyfriend who wants to kick your butt.
*Worst case when you go skydiving is that your parachute will fail. (That would suck)
*Worst case when you go to Europe is that you get kidnapped or robbed.
*Worst case when you quit your job to follow your dreams is a lack of money.
Now that you have established the worst case scenario, you can decide if it’s actually as bad as you make it out to be. The chances are big it will be nowhere near these worst case scenarios.
To take it a step further, you can prepare your response for the worst case outcome.
If your worst case scenario plays out, what can you do to get back on track? Say you quit your job, and you follow your passion, and your worst case scenario comes up that you are not making money to support yourself, what can you do?
You could go back to your old job or a similar one, you could find another job, you could work 2 jobs, you could sell stuff you don’t need.
By coming up with a plan to counter the worst case scenario, you have the peace of mind knowing that if this scenario plays out, you are prepared for it and have a plan of action, and the worry of uncertainty is removed from your mind. Now you are free to do that thing you’ve been putting off but wanting to do for so long.
Why not try it this week?
Do something you really want to do but that you’ve been making excuses for and putting off.
Let us know how it went and post your experience in the comment section.
If you want to quit the 9-5 and make more money in a quarter of the time, Tim Ferris’s 4-Hour work Week is a great start. I’m including the Amazon link where you can buy it from, but I suggest getting it from a bookstore because it is much much cheaper (my copy was only $18 instead of the $38.50 on Amazon).
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Great article, Diggy!
I totally agree: the world rarely hands you a best-case-scenario situation for making a move (be it for dating or for business or for world travel), so you might as well get in the habit of just moving on things you want to do and getting good at rolling with whatever happens.
This serves a double-purpose, in fact, because it will allow you to have more success and keep you from putting things off, but will also keep your mind and body primed for when completely unexpected things happen. It’s easy to feel prepared in any situation if you are accustomed to responding to unexpected situations!
Heya Colin!
Wow, interesting about the being prepared part, I never though of that! Thanks for sharing with us
I read this whole post, but didn’t pay much attention after the 3-second rule. I kept thinking in the back of my head how awesome it would be to somehow apply this to goals. What if when something new popped into my head… say, I was watching a travel show on television and I saw a man going to a castle in Scotland and I thought it looked so cool that I immediately wanted to do it. What if, at the moment this became an aspiration, I made a resolution to do it within three months… or three weeks.
Would this be possible? I think I might need to do some experimentation with extreme goal-reaching.
Anyway, this post couldn’t be more true. “Waiting for the right time” is either an excuse to procrastinate or an excuse for not having to face your fears.
I’ve found that the “worst case scenario” technique really helps kill any fear that might show up, because all the bad we usually imagine happening isn’t really all that bad especially when compared to the potential benefits of doing something.
I also highly recommend the 4-hour work week and Tim’s blog at 4hourblog.com. They have been very inspirational and motivational resources, not only for myself but obviously for you and pretty much anyone in this lifestyle design community.
Wassup JD
Cool that I captured your thoughts with this post. I also think it’s really interesting, but the thing I wonder about is where do you draw the line between being spontaneous and doing what you really desire and being impulsive and doing something you may regret later.
I guess that is exactly the thing that the quick action rule overcomes, you make the choice because it is what you really want at that moment and whatever comes your way because of that, you will deal with and adjust your course as needed.
Thanks for stopping by
The present moment is all we have. Its all about the now. A concept which is so easy and simple to understand, yet millions to billions of people stay stagnant. What can they do? Read your post and make transitions in their life they may second guess at first but become grateful to have made the changes at the finish line.
Ola Jonothan!
Yes, it’s right now that counts, not 5 minutes from now, or tomorow, or next year. Now is all that we have, for the rest of our lives, and we must make it a habit to enjoy and live in the now
Thanks for stopping by!
Also you can be optimistic and said: “The timing is never completely wrong. At any time, any action, has chance to be success. And difference between success and failure is me.”
And you will be almost always right.
Dalibor
I am of course optimistic, always
I like your idea of ‘me’ being the difference between success and failure!
Keep rockin’
I love the way you started this article discussing ‘the 3 second rule’, since I’m in the dating niche myself
I thought it was a dating article haha:P
but when I read further I found out it was about life. Funny how people put off things… Telling themselves they will do it tomorrow or someday.
Very little people take action immediately…
But if not now..WHEN? (that’s one of my favorite phrases)
Whenever I feel like procrastinating, I always think about this phrase and it gives me the will to take action immediately…
If not now…WHEN?
We really should live in the NOW, not tomorrow, not in the future…
I mean what if there is no tomorrow?
Heya Katya!!
You’re in the dating niche? Nice, it’s a pretty profitable one to be in since many guys need help how to tal to girls:)
Count on tomorow but live for today!
Thanks for stopping by!
Miss the three second window with a girl, heres an opening line., “I should have spoken to you 8 and a half seconds ago but I bottled it, however on the plus side I am now older and wiser and thus probably have a better chance of being interesting.”
If she doesn’t see the funny side then no loss there, you need a girl with a sense of humour.
Heya Jonny!
Haha,that sounds cool
Have you used that yet? I think it would work!
Thanks for dropping by!
I love the 3 second rule, and it’s so, so true. If i hesitate for a minute then I’m done. but If i see something i want and go for it immediately, I generally always get it.
haha
Then there’s the the “OTHER” three second rule that says that hopefully when you get what you want you last longer than 3 seconds.
HI Papa!!
Nice,girls love confidence,know what you want and go for it
As for the other rule…it’s all in the mind
, and practice makes perfect, don’t give up after round 1. hehe
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Brian Papa and Diggy. Brian Papa said: The 3 second rule…The timing is never right, so ACT! @upgradereality http://bit.ly/AzpvD [...]
Yo Diggy!
I’ve heard this phrase a lot in regards to having children….”The timing is never right”. I totally agree (not that I’m gonna go off and have kids tomorrow, or anything)… I think timing on anything can be better than other times, but it’s never gonna be right. Love this optimistic attitude
Karen
Karen! Yay!
Yeah I should hope you will wait a while with having kids, you’re still too young
Thanks for the kind words!
Keep smilin’
I completely agree with the 3-second rule, not just for dating but for everything else. What matters is what you do in the present, and the future will just fall into place, whether that is good or bad.
I’m in the process of reading the 4-Hour Work week as well, and I’m really loving his insightful advice. I recommend it as well. One of my favourite books at the moment.
Hey Giselle!
Whatsup
Glad you’re also reading the 4 hour WW and enjoying it just as much as me!
Let’s copy his method and make $40k a month
You are oh so right Diggy, the timing is never right. I’ve been holding off on working on my goals (until recently), waiting for the “right timing” and after 2 years the timing still isn’t “right”. I finally gave up on waiting and started working towards my dreams even tho I’m still in the 9-5 and even tho I don’t feel ready and yet things are working out better than I could have expected.
I still tread lightly when it comes to my dreams. I’m going to try the 3-second rule and see how that works out. Thanks for the inspiration.
- Dave
Hi Dave!!
Fantastic that you just decided to stop messing about and just do it, follow your goals!
Good luck with your ventures, you’ll do well, just keep on working hard at it!
Thanks for stopping by!
This article reminds me of lots of people i know. People who remain paralyzed out of fear of making the wrong decision when the truth is that there is no wrong decision. The only wrong decision you can make is to stay stuck where you are and not do anything about it.
Hiya Faramarz!
This is so true,glad you realise it!
Try and remind all these people you know and maybe they will see the light also
Have an awesome day!
Great post, Diggy. Really needed to read that. I’ve used that timing thing so much in my life, that now I’m pushing myself to change it. It IS a disease. It’s procrastination in disguise. Stumbled.
.-= Valerie M´s last blog ..Learn to quit with confidence by asking why =-.
Hi there Valerie
SO happy this post was useful to you!
I also need to remind myself sometimes to just go and do it and stop thinking about it!
Thanks for the stumble and stopping by!
Hey Diggy, great article! Anyway the item from amazon is expensive because you linked the audio book instead of the book itself.
.-= Oscar – freestyle mind´s last blog ..10,000 Euros/Month August Summary =-.
Heya Oscar!!
Thanks for stopping by!
Oh! Okay now I get why it was so expensive. Maybe the audio book is also good
Solid post. I’m glad you subscribe to Tim’s philosophy. I recently reread his book and am working on a review. It’s so chock-full of wisdom, though, that I don’t know what to say!
.-= Alan´s last blog ..PMBA Assignment 3: The 80/20 Principle =-.
Hey Alan!
Super cool! Tim is a smart dude and his book is awesome. I’m going to read it a few times to get all the essentials out of it. I’m really looking to build passive income, good money with little maintenance. Tim is master of that
Thanks for stopping by!
Excellent post Diggy!
What you have to say in this post is exactly right, timing is never right. Many people think life should go according to OUR time plan. But in reality, it is on a WHOLE other time plan…the universe’s or God’s time plan.
Once we can go with the flow of life (like Taoism) and learn to accept, and do what we want, when we want and not on a timetable, things tend to go much more smoothly and effortlessly.
Thanks again for such a fantastic post!
Cheers,
Dayne
.-= Dayne | TheHappySelf.com´s last blog ..Happiness Challenge #1: 100 Breaths =-.
Heya Dayne!
Thanks for the kind words
Kind of like Bruce Lee’s wise words of being like Water, taking on the shape of whatever container we get placed in, instead of trying to shape our own container.
Cheers!
.-= Diggy – Upgradereality.com´s last blog ..The Timing is Never Right =-.
So true – there is never a perfect time to do something. When I bought my first house a few years ago, the timing wasn’t perfect, but we’re OK and I’m so glad I did it. When I went travelling around the world for 6 months, the timing was terrible, but I made it work and it was some of the best months of my life. I’ve booked a holiday in Hawaii in March, and it’s not the best timing, but you only live once, right?
.-= curiousjessica´s last blog ..Plan of Attack =-.
Jessica!
Wow, thanks for sharing! Travelling is amazing
Definetly keep me posted about your Hawaii vacation, it’s going to be fabulous!
Thanks for stopping by!
so true…it really can be an excuse for anything can’t it? Just do it!
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Diary of a new blogger =-.
Heya Jen!!
Agreed! Just do it…write me that $1 000 000 cheque
Thanks for stopping by! hehe
Hi Diggy,
I like it…that’s all I can say..well not really
First of all, I bloody agree (I read the word “bloody” some 5000 times in the book “Yes Man” that I now bloody like it – haha)
I quit my job and here I am..in Sydney the cloudless city – and staying for some weeks. I thought of your sentence before reading it…I wanted to do something..let’s say stupid..I wanted to see sunrise on the beach since I’ve never done it…But when to do that???
I got up at 3:30 am this morning – you were still in a pub, weren’t you?
– and thought I’ve to do this, now or never…
It was great…as soon as I can get the pictures on a PC, I’ll put them on my website or flickr…
Oh and I must agree again…TIM FERRISS ROCKS!!! I’ve read his book in german, and yesterday I started to read it in english.. That’s where I got the quote “what’s the worst thing that can happen?” on which I referred last time on your “YES”-Post.
Wish you a great time.
Best regards,
Andres
.-= Andres´s last blog ..Sydney – cloudless city =-.
Hey Andres!
Wow, thanks for the awesome comment! I really enjoyed reading it!
So you took the plunge and quit your job, and are now traveling and doing what you want to do? That sounds totally great!
Keep updating your blog so I can follow your travel, I really like seeing and reading those adventures!!
Cheers and hope you have an awesome day!
[...] The timing is never right. – UpgradeReality.com [...]
[...] what you can do if those worst case scenarios present themselves. (I wrote about it in a post The timing is never right). Only this time, don’t look down, just take a run-up and dive head-first into the water. [...]
[...] The Timing is Never RightThe universe doesn’t conspire against you,but it doesn’t go out of its way to line up all the [...]