 |
The Secret Of Dealing With Life’s Constant Change |
There is a saying that all good things come to an end, derived from the saying that all things must come to an end.
In this post I share my experience and philosophy about the best way of dealing with life’s constant and never-ending change and how you can make the most of your life.
It is true. The only constant in life is change. From the day that we are born we embarque on the journey of endless change, better known as the journey of life. Our lives are one big cycle with a beginning and end-point, sub-divided into many smaller phases. Each phase is further sub-divided into smaller phases or chapters as I like to refer to them.
In the world we live in today, I think that an average person’s life can be roughly divided into the following phases:
- Birth to Starting School
- Starting School to Finishing School (Pre-school to high-school)
- Starting A Course To Qualifying For That Degree
- Starting A Job to Starting a Family
- Finishing Actively Caring For Children To Retiring From Your Job
- Starting Retirement To Reaching Death
The above is a very rough generalisation and many of you may go through a different cycle and order of phases in your life. The point I want to make is that it is not so much about the description of the phases but more about the fact that every person goes through a numerous amount of different phases in their lives. The end of each phase and the beginning of the next one is usually a big change, and sometimes one that is very hard to deal with or get used to.
Life is one big roller coaster with many ups, downs and loops. It has a start and it has a finish. Each phase or section that passes is one that will never come back. Things like reaching the end of my time in a school, the end of a friendship, the end of a relationship, the end of a vacation or the end of living in a country were always things that really used to bother me. Sometimes it took me ages to get over it. I know that many people experience a similar feeling when something comes to an end.
Acceptance
The first and most important thing about dealing with change effectively is to accept that change is part of your life and every other person’s life on this planet. As long as you live, things, people and places will come and go.
Everything in life and on our planet is only temporary. It may be around for a day or for hundreds of years, but eventually it will cease to exist in the way that we know it today.
Ultimately we have incredibly little control over how long something exists or when it is going to change. Someone young, strong and perfectly healthy can be taken from us at a very young age while someone who smokes and drinks almost every day of their life can reach an age of in the 90 years old.
The ups of life, which are those moments of peak happiness, are great and absolutely amazing moments. They come erratically and unexpected and can rarely be forced. I’ve had some days and moments of peak happiness where I literally felt they were the best times of my life and if I were to die right there it wouldn’t matter because I felt perfectly content with the world and just so alive. It’s a beautiful feeling of just feeling like you are part of everything that is, it can even feel like you are the center of the universe and everything revolves around you.
On the flipside I’ve also had moments where I felt super bad and just wished the ground would open up underneath me and swallow me up. Those are the downs of life and they also come unexpected and erratically out of the blue.
The rest of the moments in life kind of oscillate between these ups and downs. The reason why I am placing so much importance on ‘acceptance’ is that if you can master the step of accepting the fact that everything you know today is going to end at some point, then dealing with change is already much easier. You no longer waste any emotional energy worrying about the change; you no longer stress and try to prevent it in your mind over and over again. When it happens, you have mentally prepared yourself for it. You have no regrets because you knew that the change was going to occur some day and the time you had with that person, thing or place is time that you enjoyed to the fullest every minute of every hour of every day that you were lucky enough to experience it.
But It Still Hurts…
Just because you are able to accept change and dealing with it is now easier, it is not less pleasant. Unfortunately, most of the time when things come to an end it happens in an unpleasant way or in a way that is not expected (Through lies / broken trust or for example someone passing away without you having said goodbye). Sometimes you are lucky and something ends in a pleasant way that makes it much easier for you to make peace with it. (Like selling your house because you got a good price for it or parting with someone you really like because your life paths lead in different directions).
If a big change in your life wouldn’t affect you at all emotionally I would say that there is something wrong with you. We are all human (with the exception of some questionable celebrities) and it is good to feel for something we care about. Tears and heartache are part of the process.
I have just returned from a 9 week trip in Europe with one of my best friends. When I started the journey I knew that it was going to end at some point and I decided to make the most of every single moment I had. I did exactly this and do not have a single regret from the entire trip, but when it ended and I got off the plane back in South Africa I couldn’t help but feel really sad that it was over. I had the time of my life, and I accept that it’s over. I know that there is no way to return back to the way it was (even if money wasn’t an obstruction). I know that there are plenty of new adventures to come and a new phase or chapter of my life starts now, yet I still feel a little sad. It is good to feel this sadness because it means I really enjoyed the trip and every single experience I had. I embrace the hurt and let it feel how it should, it will pass with time and strengthens the good memories I have.
That is the only way I have learned to deal with hurt from change, let it hurt.
Because of the fact that you have already accepted the fact of the change occurring, the hurt is very bearable. Even though I have been sad at the end of phases like ending school, selling a business, selling a house where I’ve lived for years, relationships that have ended and other things, I would not want to go back in time and relive it. The memories stay with me and if I want I can go back to those times every time I close my eyes.
Life Is A Journey, Enjoy The Ride
Nissan had it right all along. All these phases and chapters of your life are exactly what make life fun. Would a movie be fun if the same scene just played over and over for 2 hours? I don’t think so.
Take the analogy of life being a journey in an off-road vehicle. When you are born you are placed in the seat and strapped in. You don’t know where you are going but you head off in a direction and keep going. Sometimes the road will be smooth and perfectly visible, other times it will be bumpy and you won’t be able to see 5 feet in front of you.
There will be times when you have a dead-end and need to reverse because otherwise you will drive off a cliff. Sometimes you will make huge progress in very short period of time and sometimes you will take ages to achieve what seems to be very little.
Don’t get frustrated when you don’t make progress or when the ride is bumpy and rough, it’s all part of the journey. Enjoy the entire ride from start to finish!
Focus On The Positive
One way for change to really affect you in a bad way is if you focus on the negative of the change. When you focus on the fact that something is no longer the way it was, you are poisoning yourself and the good memories you had.
Be happy for the good times you had instead of being sad that you won’t have them anymore. Focus on the positive and on all the good memories you have from the time when you were still in the phase that you have now passed by. Accepting that change is part of life and combine this with focusing on being thankful for all the good times you had in that phase is in my opinion the best way for effectively dealing with change and making peace with it.
When the time is up, the ride is over. Harsh but true.
You only live once and it is up to you to live your life to the fullest. Make the most of it! I am so aware of this fact and that is one of the main reasons why I write and why I started my blog UpgradeReality. I want to share my experiences and wisdom with millions of others. I want to make as many people as possible realize how awesome life is and how they should make the most out of every single moment of every single day that they live.
The Secret Of Dealing With Change Effectively
- Don’t let life pass you by!
- Change is part of life – accept it and embrace it.
- Focus on the positive and the good times (not on the negative).
- Welcome the possibility of an amazing adventure ahead
|
|
|
|
Stumble | Tweet | Bookmark |
Get UpgradeReality articles straight to your inbox
Subscribe via Email
Similar Posts You Might Enjoy
- » Respect is everything!
- » 33 Ways To Be Remarkable
- » Lessons from Tyler Durden & Ben Stiller - Stop Your Possessions From Owning You
rss 
twitter
facebook 
such a good reminder to ENJOY the process. so often i want to sprint ahead to the “fun” parts.
like the kid in the back seat “Dad, when we going to get there!!! Dad, are we there yet?!!!”
Often the process is more fun than the end result
Thanks Brian, great thought!
I think the great thing about life is that it does change.
Good things do come to an end so why not just replace them with new good things?
The glass is always as full or as empty as you think it is.
.-= Ian´s last blog ..What is Your Definite Major Purpose? =-.
Hey Ian!
Yeah, life wouldn’t be fun if there were no surprises and every single day was the same!
Thanks for stopping by!
Nice entry. It reminds me somehow on Seneca’s Journey to Ithaca, which I first got to like because of my brother. We should focus on every single part of the journey instead of thinking only of an remote future.
Many people, even around my age are either regreting something the didn’t do or worrying about things they might (never) do.
Live like you’ll die tonight! Without doing anything you might regret if you don’t
Best regards,
Andrés
Hey Diazan!
Yeah Eckhart Tolle’s book, The Power Of Now, is a very good insight as to why we should live in the present and not in the past of the future. The best times of our lives all occur in the present, so why would we risk missing those great times by being in the past or in the future with our thoughts all the time?
A great reminder that change is really the only constant in life. None of us really know how long we have.
Cheers Jen!
Super cool post, Diggy!
Yes, the only certain thing in life is that is uncertain. Loving what IS and being grateful for being able to overcome hurdles on the life’s journey is essential attitude we need to use, in order to truly enjoy life’s gifts.
I see the problem of not being ready for accepting ups and downs in life, because we are taught from childhood nonsense:like
- when you will get master degree, you will have safe job and good career
- when you will have money, you will be happy and stable and you will have comfortable life
- when you will be obeying orders of your boss you will get promoted
etc.
these kind of patterns which we are taught by system and society, can really cause us loads of frustration.
sooner we realize that life is about journey itself, not a destination, we will let go all worries about past and future and we will enjoy only guaranteed moment, NOW;-)
cheers from Slovakia
i.
Hey Ivana!
Welcome to Upgrade Reality! Thanks for leaving such a thoughtful comment!
Yeah that is totally true, we are given so many false hopes and beliefs, and when reality is different our dreams are shattered!
Life is a journey, enjoy the ride
What an excellent post! Acceptance is such an important part of life and even though it can be hard sometimes it’s the best way to make the most of the changing seasons. And being positive is DEFINITELY an awesome way to deal with change. I’ve been doing that a lot recently!
.-= Positively Present´s last blog ..9 positive aspects of love =-.
Heya Dani!
I like it when you leave a comment! Glad to hear that you liked the post.
THE SUNSHINE AWARD FOR YOU ON MY BLOG….CONGRATS!
Thank you Winnie!!!!!
The post resonated with me as a 52 year-old husband and father who quit his job with nothing lined up to take its place (maintaining integrity can be costly!).
The Stoics, especially Marcus Aurelius had a lot to say on the topic of dealing with change. If we get clear on our essential nature and then realize that change is the order of things, we can then seek it out as part of life’s adventure.
.-= Hans Hageman´s last blog ..What are you?! A Boy Scout?! =-.
Hey Hans,
I agree with you. It is the same as death, many people fear death. Once you realize and accept that death is part of life, there is nothing to be scared of and you can really make the most of life.
I’m reminded of the wisdom of Mr. Bueller:
“Life moves pretty fast. You don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. ”
Hard to believe that movie is now 24 years old. While it was made in another era back when we had “Voodoo Economics” no less, it is amazing how well that line holds up.
What I’m starting to get now is that we can either live reactively or proactively. The latter being a living inside out, where values and beliefs dictate the behaviors and results/experiences. It is kind of neat and in a way I’m still early on seeing how that works over the long term.
Hey JB!
I like that, living proactively or reactively. Living reactively is a very mediocre way of living, and not a way to make the most of your life. Thanks for sharing!
Hey Diggy,
Great post! It sounds like the trip was quite an experience, enough to write such a wonderful post.
I agree with JB in that living proactively allows us to experience much more. Although change is difficult and can be uncomfortable, allowing it often allows for more enjoyable and greater experiences.
I’m confident that you’ll have more wonderful experiences in the future too!
Take care,
Ben
Hey Ben!
Welcome to upgradereality! I got your email and just responded to it!
Yeah the trip was amazing and I am really thankful for experiencing it. Now there are many new and wonderful adventures ahead!
Cheers!
Hey Diggy,
Excellent post here! I love the ending. I believe that every situation we’re in can be good or bad depending on how we view it. Learning to put a positive spin on life can make us happier and benefit us more. Change can be hard to accept at first, but with enough time, we can learn that change is good to. It gives us more opportunity.
Hey Faizal!
Thanks for the kind words! It is indeed better to accept change instead of fighting it and resisting it. Resisting it will only make us miserable.
Hi Diggy,
Interesting, I’ve been wearing a necklace with a charm that reads, “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
It’s great to realize early on how to move through change gracefully. Each event in our life is defined by the meaning we attach to it — why not make it positive
Be well,
Kim
Heya Kim!
Yeaaaah! I like that necklace
It’s an entire journey and every phase or part of it is one that should be enjoyed and embraced. Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Diggy! How are you?
Great post of Life! I am happy to know that you enjoyed Amsterdam to the fullest!
Acceptance is a big point because it’s what make us move on. One day because of an action I took I realese it. I agree, if I had lived a good thing on past that means on near future I’ll have more and others better things.
I loved the picture above and I am always reading U.R.
Awesome, Diggy. Two quick things: Change is the only constant in life and the only necklace I’ve ever worn said “Rap sucks.”
Keep doing what you’re doing. I’m happy the trip went well for you.
.-= Josh Hanagarne´s last blog ..My Unexpected Lunch With Seth Godin =-.
Change is a fact that most of us don’t want to accept. Perhaps it is our nature to resists change, and this is the reason we stay stagnant.
Unless we accept the necessity of change, we will never grow for the better.
not much of choice with life changes, we cannot control what will happen tomorrow all we can do is live for today
Agreed Winnie!