Stop Blaming Others – Your Life Sucks Because of YOU

This article is to help you get rid of the ‘victim’ mentality. To help you get rid of the fact that you think that your life sucks because other people make your life suck. That you’re overweight because you don’t have time to go to the gym or that your supermarket doesn’t sell vegetables. That you haven’t gotten laid in a year because nobody has approached you and asked you out.

Do you get the point…?

I used to have this ‘victim’ mentality too. I used to blame others for my unhappiness and the areas of my life that were way below average. It’s just the easy way out. It’s far too easy to say…”My life sucks because my parents, my boss, my friends and my boss driver make all my decisions for me and they are no good.”.

Do you want to hear the REAL reason that your life sucks?

No, I bet you don’t, but I’ll tell you anyway:

Your life sucks because you suck.

Stop Blaming Others
Photo Credit





Yeah, I said it. YOU are responsible for your life, and nobody else.

YOU are responsible for your happiness, for your fitness and health, for your relationships, for your finances and for all your actions. But you’ve been hiding from that responsibility. You’ve been blaming your unhappiness and incompetence on others. It’s time to stop blaming others and taking responsibility for your own life. That’s when you really start to live.

    “Everybody dies but not everybody lives.” – Drake

Of course other people have an influence on your life. An enormous influence even. For the first 16+ years your life is greatly determined by your parents. They decide where you live, where you go to school, what education and skills you learn and possibly even what your future should be by sending you off to college.

Your friends and peers have a huge influence on you, especially when you are young. They influence everything from your choice in dating, to your clothes to the activities that you do in your free time.

When you’re young you don’t have the experience or initiative to stand up for yourself and say ‘no’ when other people influence you in a way that you’re not happy or comfortable with. You simply don’t know better and try your best to fit in and get the approval from others, even if it means doing things that make you uncomfortable or unhappy.

When you’re a kid and you get bad grades in school because you have no time at home to study or do your homework, you’re a victim because you have no other options. This is just an example to show you how it’s very common for people to be a victim when they’re young and genuinely being a victim because they have no control over the situation. Unfortunately, that ‘victim’ mentality stays with most people as they grow up, even when they have the power to change what’s making them unhappy.



Stop Being A Wuss – Take Control Of Your Life


If you’re 18 or older you have the ability to get a job and earn money to pay for monthly living expenses. You have no excuse to be a victim and blame others for your shortcomings. Your boss is not responsible for your low salary. Your parents are not to blame for your lack of success and your friends are not to blame for your lack of dates or love life.

Maybe they are – indirectly. But you have no control over where you grew up, or which school you went to, or which friends you had when you were young. That’s something you need to accept and let go.

You have to work with what you’ve got, and make things better for yourself. If you’re not happy with your job, have you thought about not complaining and actually going out and looking for a second job, or a new job, or starting something on the side(like an online business) ?

Are you unhappy with your relationship because your partner has very few of the qualities you want but you’ve settled because you think that’s all you can get? How about stepping up, breaking up and going out there to talk and date people as long as it takes until you find someone who you’re happy to be in a relationship with?



It’s Childish and Immature To Blame Others



It’s childish and immature to blame others who influenced you in the past for your lack of success today. Maybe you were a victim back then and had no choice in the matter, but now you have the power to take control, accept responsibility and change the things you are not happy with in your life.

Taking responsibility for your life is scary, no doubt. It places a big bulls eye on your ego, and exposes your ego to *shudder* failure. When you accept responsibility for your life it means that every single success and failure is because of your actions, and this very fact is often what causes people to keep the ‘victim’ mentality for so long. As a ‘victim’, your failures are never your fault, they are always caused by others and allows your ego to feel safe behind a wall of lies.

It takes guts and courage to take responsibility for your own actions, to stop hiding behind the ‘victim’ mentality that keeps you safe from the reality that the reason your life sucks is because of you.

But at the same time, when you take responsibility for your life, you begin to grow mentally and spiritually in a way like you never have before. When you take action to improve the areas of your life that you’re not happy with, all the progress and all the success belongs to you. You’re earning your right to live, to really be alive and make the most of life.

So I’m asking you, no I’m COMMANDING you… from today onwards, to stop blaming others and to take full control of your life. Be true to your heart and desires. If you’re unhappy with an area of your life, take action to change it. No more hidin’ behind that ‘victim’ mentality.

Do you disagree with me? Start a (constructive) argument with me in the comment section below.

  • iRockitt77

    That is the best f#! $ kin advice I’ve ever read!!!! Life is too short for pitty party’s! I luv it!

  • LEE

    OH MY GOD YOU HAVE
    OPENED MY MIND, MY BROTHER HAS BEEN TELLING ME THIS FOR YEARS BUT I HAVE LIVED BLAMING OTHERS ALL MY LIFE BECAUSE IT IS EASIER. THANK YOU FOR THIS NOW I HOPE TO BEGIN A JOURNEY OF RETRAINING MY MIND AND STOP THE BLAME GAME, IT IS SICK AND DESTROYS YOUR LIFE. THANK YOU

  • AssHat900

    What about getting laid off every year? So much control over that. You are just another fuck-wit with a blog.

  • jupiter81

    Your article is inspiring, however the quote you used made me upset because Drake did NOT say this first, but in fact Sir William Wallace said this. I know it doesn’t matter, but I’d rather be inspired by a true hero than a rapper. Thanks

  • Paul

    It’s sad that we promote these kinds of messages. Really disgusting. It’s no worse than when you tell a rape victim that she was asking for it by wearing a tiny dress, because hey, she “made” her life that way by being “slutty” right? Or any of these other victim shaming excuses that are around. Yes. It is other people’s fault. It doesn’t mean the victim of anything can wallow in self-pity until they die. It doesn’t mean they can use the event as an excuse to never do anything again. But it DOESN’T mean we can go around and tell people their lives suck because they made it that way. Victims of anything DIDN’T ask for it, whether their house sets on fire, they’ve been abused, etc. Their life doesn’t suck because of them, their life sucks because whenever they experience human emotions like sadness and anger they’re shot down and told they suck or it’s their fault….T_T

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Hi John, Just keep looking for places where you have taken action and are making progress in your life and celebrate your successes.
    R

  • LION

    What a crybaby. You got a degree and graduated top of your class, and yet youre complaining that your life sucks? You deserve to be unhappy. There are jobs, many people just feel they are ABOVE whats out there. Do you what you have to do to feed yourself, and quit being a spoiled brat.

    • Paul

      wow. Because they have a degree means they deserve to be unhappy? Wow, one privilege over 100 misfortunes means they should be punished? Maybe you should stop being an Internet tough guy.

  • LION

    Survival of the Fittest!

  • Living Happy

    I thought that you were straight to the point and I agree 100%, we are what we make ourselves out to be, we ALL have a story, we ALL have issues in our lives that affect us but as long as we make ourselves the victim that is all we will be, our lives are changeable at any moment but only according to how we chose to face it and its about time that people stop dwelling in the woes of the past and move towards what they really wish to achieve. Well said and perfect advice!

  • Rick

    THE ONLY REASON WHY MY LIFE SUCKS REALLY BAD, BUT NOT JUST BAD, BAD ENOUGH TO MAKE MY HOUSE TURN INTO A SAFEZONE TO PREVENT IMCOMING ZOMBIES, seriously, My community , have a fixed brain washed mentality of an orangutan. SO YOU CAN’T SAY ”LIFE SUCKS BEACAUSE OF YOU”, You don’t have ANY IDEA What is like to live in this shit hole i’m living, and that doesn’t make me responsable. you might think that i’m some kind of a hobo or a poor person, NO! I have all the things i want, and everything that’s cool for example ( Very fast computers, XBOX,ps3, plasma tv, Recent video games, a big fridge, Shower, ect…) All this AND MY STILL SUCKS EVEN WORSE THEN THE COCKROACHES IN THE SEWERS… why? BEACAUSE OF ALL THE SHIT FUCKED UP PEOPLE, AND THAT’S WHY I BLAME OTHERS LIKE MY COMMUNITY, BUT IS NOT RIGHT TO STAY BLOCKED IN A HOUSE ALL TIME (17 YEARS), I NEED TO JUST STEP ONE FOOT OUTSIDE MY HOU….(SAFEHOUSE) AND I SEE DEMONS OF HELL LOOKING AT ME… STARING LIKE IF THEY WANT ME DEAD, jealousy, hatred, for no reason… just hate me cuz i don’t have a shit ugly fuck face like they have, I CAN’T GO OUT CANT GO TO THE GYM, CANT GO TO THE PARK. ANYWARE EXCEPT MY HO.. (SAFEHOUSE) SO MY ONLY SOLUTION IS TO GET THE HELL OUT BY AIRPLANE TO A BETTER COMMUNITY. BUT I CAN’T SELL MY HOUSE UNTIL 2014. 17 Years inside a house is not enough.. just 2 more years of depression, and anger management. after 19 years of HELL, i can finaly get the hell out… if it was 20 years, i would’ve commit suicide, ( I failed so many times to commit suicide) So I’ts right to Blame Others Cuz of shit life. ( it depends on which part or country you live) but if you live in a NORMAL COUNTRY AND PLACE AND EVERYTHING, and have this problem, then YOU ARE RESPONSABLE.

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    It’s a pretty tough line you are taking here. Everyone has their view though.
    Anyway, as an idea, you might consider the possibility that encouraging kids to focus on children weaker than themselves will set them up with many experiences where they win easily. Later in life, they will find it tougher as the playing field levels with age they are likely to find they are losing far more often than they experienced in their childhood. Repeated failure after repeated success is far more difficult to deal with than consistent (even infrequent) progress. Character is built in adversity and they could be more susceptible to fall into depression or settle for a lower role in society just to maintain their feeling of success. Two studies also estimated that between 25% and 60% of elementary-school bullies will have a criminal record by the time they are 30. Both estimations are considerably higher than average.
    Of course, both the bullies and the bullied can get over their childhood issues later in life, but it’s simply tougher if parents and teachers don’t help through the formative years.

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Passion is inspiration is action. Get inspired enough or get mad enough.

  • Lars

    This goes for a lot of the worlds that house the people reading this.
    US, Scandinavia etc…
    Good article. Don’t be so quick to comment shit, this individual/group clearly spent a lot of time on this article and they did not force or in any way push you to reading this, am I correct?

    Not saying you shouldn’t comment your honest opinion.
    You are although doing exactly what’s in the article, YOU CAN DO IT…

    Americans, you chose Obama – “Yes We Can”
    If you can’t then you farted yourself in your own face, by choosing him.
    Work your stuff and do what you need to achieve your goals.

    I do loads of small projects like mixing and alike, I don’t attempt to get money or take it to the next level as I am too lazy, and I know that.

    I could be head over heels, bathin’ in money. But I’m lazy, comfortable with not doing my own thing and living slack with my girlfriend.

    It’s your life. Why can’t you be the next genius, the new hotshot?
    Because of YOUR choices. Not mine, not your moms nor your dads.

    The past affects your future, it does.
    You’re still human and have the ABILITY to do it, we’re just too damn lazy!

    I see kids everyday writing on Facebook stuff like.
    “I do not wake up every morning to please you”
    “If you don’t like me, F. you”
    Comments like that definitely won’t get you anywhere!

    Humans are born creators. You wanna create, or do you want to destroy?
    The choice is yours, and everyday affects your future in ways we can not imagine!

    Thanks for reading – Sincere regards.

    UR:Edited.

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    School loans in some countries are set at or below inflation. This makes then effectively free money. Don’t worry about them. Obviously if that’s not the case then they are a bit of a pain. I found it took about 5 years to catch up and pass the income of my friends who went straight into a job. You’ll get there. Do what you love even if it means taking a lower pay initially or only just scraping by. What could you be world class in? No matter what that is, do that or work out how you can get one step closer to doing that.

  • Shannon

    I ended up in a fight with my sister and her husband at their house in December of 2010. When they talk to anyone about this fight, they always tell people that the fight was “All My Fault.” I would just like to understand — because I don’t — why someone would do something like this. I’m 57 years old and I do not understand why someone who essentially kept the fight going (my sister and husband), would want to blame everything on me.

    • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

      Without knowing the context of the fight, it is a little difficult, but can I suggest that the most likely reason is they are blaming you because they are afraid of something. That something is most likely in an area where they have stagnated, but could be a block from childhood for one or both of them.
      Taking responsibility for your actions, as well as for your good and bad results is a key step in positioning yourself mentally for progress and success. Blame is very commonly used to avoid taking action (aka making change/progress/taking risks) since you can only really move forward in life by taking responsibility and taking action and where there is action, there is error …. People know this innately and when they stagnate or are blocked by their past, they look for something to blame to give them “permission” to stagnate and avoid facing or working through their fears. It is hard to say what these fears are in this case, but it could be as simple as admitting they were wrong. Some people find this extremely difficult to do, but you can see how this can cripple progress (think of Edison who had to admit many failures before he found success).
      Now given that you can’t expect people to change, you really need to thing of the possible options that you can take to improve the situation. Some areas I would consider would be… 1) consider acceptance and forgiveness in relation to this fight- perhaps your shoulders are broad enough to carry their blame (note – don’t blame yourself, just let it drop in your mind)*
      2) build up new experiences to distance the pain – note this is not the same as burying it, think of more like allowing new experiences to put it into context/perspective over time. New experiences are also character building and action is the antidote to fear, so will reduce fear over time.
      3) Get some help to work through it.
      * HOW: Before each visit, say to yourself, “I know they may still be looking to place external blame for the fight, I am strong enough to accept to carry that for them until they eventually lift it from me. If they bring up the topic, I will simply say “sorry about that, let’s talk about something else” and move on.”
      Good luck,
      R

  • DIDMYBEST

    I took on the world by storm when I was younger and did amazing this only to be cut down to have nothing. I was abused throughout life and managed to keep smiling, but the abuse continues even when I left the situation. Nothing in this life is ever going to let me get ahead unless I take it out of my way. You can’t jump over the life bumps in the road, because someone will hit you head on and take you out anyway. I’ve seen people work real hard and do everything they can to make it work and still fail because the world is one big clique of haters. If you don’t do what they do, you can’t belong. Well I am me and that is how I am made. I stand up for others, I take on more than I need to and I normally don’t complain. However, after reading this bullshit I had to say something!

  • DIDMYBEST

    I took on the world by storm when I was younger and did amazing this only to be cut down to have nothing. I was abused throughout life and managed to keep smiling, but the abuse continues even when I left the situation. Nothing in this life is ever going to let me get ahead unless I take it out of my way. You can’t jump over the life bumps in the road, because someone will hit you head on and take you out anyway. I’ve seen people work real hard and do everything they can to make it work and still fail because the world is one big clique of haters. If you don’t do what they do, you can’t belong. Well I am me and that is how I am made. I stand up for others, I take on more than I need to and I normally don’t complain. However, after reading this bullshit I had to say something!

  • Cwiens

    so what this boils down to is, i comment and have said how i feel and how im going to stay.If people dont like it too bad.

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    I love your insight that without care you can just add another “failure” to someone’s list. I hope you don’t mind, but I will use that in my Questions series. Q: What is one thing you can do today that you know you can achieve?
    Life sucks as long as you feel like a failure, so having wins are critical.

    Thank you for your insight,
    Ramon

    URL http://www.upgradereality.com/what-is-one-thing-that-i-can-and-will-achieve-today

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Thanks for your comments, we all go through tough times, I find although I prefer the good times, you learn different things and skills in the bad times. I have put some ideas that may (or may not!) help below. Keep going, facing challenges will make you stronger and put you in a better position when things turn around.
    Have a think about these questions:
    Q: Does my life suck at the moment or is it just not as good as it could be?
    WHY: Just to get perspective in relation to others and your past experiences

    Q: Can I put myself into a slightly better position to benefit from change in the future?
    WHY: Options like doing additional education, taking on a job in a different field (completely different field will not ruin your CV, you can indicate you were building specific skills like sales, financial, etc) or travel will give you an advantage when that dream job comes along.

    Q: Are there hobbies/skills that I have that I can get good enough at to do something online?
    WHY: Local economies (I’m thinking of Detroit, but there are lots of examples) are very volatile now, and sometimes simply run out of opportunities. But the internet is a great leveler and there are so many opportunities that may not be available to you in your home town.

    Q: What really matters to me? – See my up-coming post on this, I’ll do it today for you.
    WHY: If you ask yourself this 50 times, you will have a better understanding of the things that matter to you really and also what you are good at and it will give you additional focus. Focus works wonders. A flat mate of mine once wrote 400 letters to different companies in Switzerland (she was based in Australia at the time) to get a job. She got 2 offers, moved to Switzerland. From there, she stayed a time then got a new, better job.

    Q: What are the good things about my life now?
    WHY: Focus on the good things and more of them happen. Simple as that.

    Regards, Ramon

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Well you are right. There is stacks of oppression, stupid governments, and other forms of oppression around the world. But sometimes it is a matter of perspective. I met someone who had been run over by a train and lost both legs at the age of 14 recently and a really good friend of mine had a stroke last year and is now in a wheel chair. His youngest is 8 years old, he will never be able to play ball with his kids. Slavery is when he would look at his wheelchair every day and see the chains that keep him bound to it. Living is about lifting up your eyes to see where the way is clear and focusing on the things you can change.
    Additional note, I don’t know which country you are from, I’m assuming you are talking of metaphorical slavery and oppression through the disastrous number of rules, regulations, tax and other laws, etc that most countries instigate for example making it extremely difficult in most countries to run a business of between 2 and 10 people. Of course there is still literal slavery and oppression across the world which is a blight on our species

  • jnbstraight

    Only in a first world overly privileged shit hole like the US do people believe this kind of crap.

    • LION

      So once you realize and accept your condition do you stay in that rut and say “well I was conditioned, this is just how I am” or do you continue to learn, grow, and find ways to happiness? Thats all he’s saying. No you cant change your past, but the future is all up to you.

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Damn man, sorry to hear.

    I might sound a bit harsh by what I’m about to tell you, but believe me it’s for your own good.

    Although you had a crappy childhood and your parents played a good part in messing with your head and your development, that’s now in the past. What’s done is done and you can’t change it.

    Right now, you have the power to make a change in your life. Professional help may be good, but ultimately you’re going to change yourself, and that change needs to come from within you.

    Start reading more personal development related books, make a change to your attitutde and take things day by day. Over time you’ll start to improve and within the next few years you can create and build the life you want to be living.

    Don’t give up man, you can do it. I believe it, and you must too!
    Best wishes
    Diggy

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Thanks James :)

  • Samreen

    I liked the article,i believe it’s human tendency to blame others without looking at themselves but my doing this they satisfy themselves that they are not wrong.I used to do this a lot but realized only when someone did the same.The truth is always gonna remain the same.When i had the good things in my life i wanted more and blamed someone for it but instead i could have lived that moment to the fullest.Somewhere when bad things happen to us it’s our mistake and we have to learn from it not blame it on others.No one’s perfect we have to realize it and face it.I ‘ll put it to use in my life.

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Hi Danny,
    I completely agree with you that it’s not always your own fault. There is no way that I can generalize every person and place them in one category, so you are very right with your conclusion that some people just can’t help their situation because it’s the cards they were dealt.

    Thanks for sharing your personal story, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you! I guess the only thing you (and everyone) can do is to make the best of the situation you’re in and play the hand that you’re dealt.

    I hope you get everything on track and that you get some good fortune coming your way!

    Best
    Diggy

  • Pyramid1575

    thanks, very well put. :) ……….heres a bit of my story…Im 39 and only starting to take responsibility for all this..my job, my illness,my finances (hate paying bills!!..)..my relationships. wish I had been able to mature in my twenties and thirties………..I KEEP USING THE BLAME WORD..and am now sick of the sound of my own voice. I would love to have that time back…and live it again more purposefully.feel like I have totally wasted that time..and I cant get those times back..actually felt so angry that I blamed others for “stealing the best part of my life”,,
    Yes..I had bad things happen and fucked up parents..but I just got to stop blaming.. .would love to get past the anger too…any helpful hints welcome………:)
    I have began to make many changes..quit pot..quit smoking…going to gym and loving it. joining dating websites..going out socialising (scary at first when sober)…working at career change…so just got to be patient..

  • Myles

    Amen Brother!

  • Dora the Explora

    I’m making an assumption that you are a Christian, or Moslem, if not, don’t read this =D.

    “Life sucks because I suck” definitely, i agree with that. But….(not to be a Bible thumper) what about Job? His life was suckish(extreme understatement) but we know that was not his fault or decision at all. His life sucked because God willed it.

    What about people who believe in this verse? “In all things trust in the Lord, and he shall direct your path” People believe in this, AND try their best to make the best, but life still goes down the drain, then it wouldn’t exactly be wrong to ask “why does my life suck”? Giving an answer such as “Your life sucks because you suck” won’t cut it, and never will.

    But “The Lord works out everything for His own ends, even the wicked for a day of disaster” (Proverbs 16:33; Ephesians 1:11). According to Jesus, if the birds are fed, it is the Father who feeds them; if the flowers grow, it is because God grows them.

    If we trusted in the Lord for guidance but life was still miserable, the proper answer would be “Because God is in control of everything, all we have to do is be patient and trust in Him, at the same time doing our best to do what is right”. This kind of answer(in comparison) does not encourage people to jump =D.

    Of course, I do accept that your article is an appropriate answer for some people, but there are many different people out there, with different experiences and different circumstances influencing them.

    • Diggy – UpgradeReality.com

      Hi Dora,
      I am actually not a religious person at all, neither am I against any religion or people who are religious. I was just not raised with a religion, and have never adopted one since.

      Without getting into an argument about what is right or wrong, and which religion is correct, I just want to point out that if you don’t try to succeed, it’s not going to magically happen overnight. The more you practice, the luckier you get. Nobody is born perfect, and most successful people have worked incredibly hard for months and years on end before they got to where they were. Some have failed hundreds and even thousands of times.

      The point of this article is to convey the message that if your life sucks, don’t blame it on anyone else. Stop complaining and take action to change the things you’re not happy with, and stop wanting to change the things you have no power over.

      I hope my explanation here makes things a little bit more clear without having offended you.
      Best regards
      Diggy

  • Pingback: Bridging The Gap Between Saying And Doing

  • http://www.reallifeforhealth.com Adam

    Great post! It’s so good to hear people telling it like it is. I keep trying to explain to my friend that it’s not things like his boss or his gf or his out of shape body that’s holding him back. It’s his attitude toward life that stops him from making the improvements needed. One of my favourite sayings is “Wherever you go, there you are.” And besides the obvious, it also means that’s your attitude affects you wherever you go and whatever you do.

    • Diggy

      Hi Adam,
      Happy to hear you like this article:)

      Love the saying too!

  • http://thepowerofthespirit.blogspot.com/ Dave

    Like the motivation in the article. Gets to the point.

    Unfortunately, ingrained negative experiences are difficult to remove from the subconscious. It takes real work, and it is not a matter of willpower. It means you have to reprogram your mind, and spend time in silence and meditation. Guilt only strengths the negativity.

    The power to change lies within. People need to be motivated to access it. Truth is good, however hope is better.

    • Diggy

      Hi Dave,
      Yes Sir, willpower alone is not enough. One very powerful method that can remove any negative experiences and trauma is called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Have you heard of it?

      They’ve done case studies on people who have been terrified of the sea for years due to sharks, and after a few EFT sessions these same people happily put on a swimming costume and dive in the open ocean.

      They’ve done case studies on war veterans who can’t sleep for years because they see and hear all the screams and bombs in their minds, and after EFT they become peaceful and normal again.

      I personally use it from time to time and EFT is amazing.

  • http://OurDevelopingMind.com Marco Lee

    Sometimes it is really hard to let go of being a victim.

    There are times when we had let it go and achieved success but sometimes we encounter struggle and let it creep it again.

    We must also know how to handle stuff and be tough in letting this mindset push us down.

    • Diggy

      Hey Marco,
      it’s not always easy to take full responsibility for your life and actions, because sometimes the influence of others is so big that you just want to blame it all on them.

      The key is that even though someone obstructs your progress, you have to deal with it as best you can and not use it as an excuse to avoid being happy/achieving your goals.

  • Christian Fey

    You are 100% spot-on with this post! All too often, I meet people and begin talking to them about their life, only to have them migrate from what’s wrong to why it’s someone else’s fault! I have a friend who I used to hang out with on a regular basis, and when something went wrong with his job, his family had an emergency, his relationship went south, it became “My boss has something against me,” or “the universe is always throwing bullshit at me.”

    I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was all HIS fault that these things are affecting him. The universe throws things at you that are unpleasant, and the only thing you have control over is how your respond to those events! I have found that the victims in this world don’t want to internalize the blame, and so, don’t bother to try to improve how they see the situations that go wrong.

    You lose your job. Fine, time to move onto the next **opportunity**. It is NOT the time to ignore the new opportunities you can pursue, and say “Woe is me.”

    Thanks for the post!
    Christian

    • Diggy

      Hi Christian,
      Thanks for the kind words and awesome comment!

      Yeah I know what you mean, I have that myself sometimes. It’s easy to blame others when things are going well, but then I think “wait a minute, all this is happening but I can choose to complain or I can choose to make the most of what I’ve got and get out of this mess”. I like to choose the latter:)

      Have an awesome day!

  • http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

    Wow, diggy, I have been reading your posts in my reader, but this was so powerful if caused me to come off the reader and into the blog. YOU SMACKED IT. This is quite simply one of the most honest, in your face, age no barrier, articles I have read in ages. You spoke to me in all the dark places, that you cover with the victim mentality, thank you for this wake up call.

    I see you say that you no “there will be people who wont like the tone and style of this article”, and you would be right. But there will be people, like me, who this speaks to, inspires, and motivates, on such an emotional level, that power shit starts to happen in their lives. This is the sort of no nonsense, heartfelt writing some times we NEED to hear, even when we don’T want to. Thank you, tweeted, and saved for future ask kickings when needed!

    • Diggy

      Hi Stacey,
      wow, thanks for the kind comment and I’m very happy to hear I inspired you to take action to achieve your dreams.

      Not everyone gets lucky and becomes Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, but with consistent hard and smart work, it’s highly probable that anyone can and will achieve success.

      Good luck and let me know if you ever feel unmotivated, I’ll help you out:)

  • http://www.thevantagejourney.com Tariq and Shaheera

    Awesome post Diggy! We also applaud the comments both from you and your readers. Interesting opinions expressed there.

    We’ve all been in that position before. When things get a little too tough we start pointing fingers at other people because seriously, can one person be the result of all that failure? (Of course in actual fact, YES one person can be responsible for all that failure).

    However, no one else can feel the pain or joy as much as you so if other people decide for you they won’t be suffering the consequences or reaping the benefits. Which is why making your own decisions is the best step. Being guided is fine but ultimately you have the final say.

    Thanks for this article. We think it’s worthy of putting it up somewhere and sharing it with other people. ;)

    Tariq and Shaheera

  • Tanvir

    Hey Diggy,

    Great topic you’ve got here. There have been times in my life when I’ve used this mentality as an excuse and blamed my failures on my situation. However I’ve noticed that some of my best moments also came during times when I had long odds. The difference between these two were my courses of action.

    So it is often a matter of how you respond to situations rather than the situations themselves that determine where you go. That being said as you and others above have mentioned, some people are indeed real victims of circumstance (abuse, poverty, totalitarian government, etc). I guess this shows that we should be grateful for our circumstances and keep things in perspective.

    • Diggy

      Hey Tanvir!
      Thanks buddy, I hope things are good on your side?

      I think you mean that after long periods of not getting anywhere you finally decide you’re sick of it and take action to change it? Yeah I’ve also had those, it’s strange that often it takes so long for you to want to change, and then when you get good results you think “Why didn’t I do this much sooner?”.

      Have a cool week!

  • Jaky Astik

    Blaming others is a natural sense of happening because our mind always wants to put itself and its misleadings on a safe side. But that doesn’t merely mean you should never blame others.

    Blaming others, if done rightly and with correct attitude, it works out well.

    • Diggy

      Hey Jaky,
      Yeah that’s true, never say never:)

      Like if you fart at the dinner table, it’s always fun to blame it on your friend or your sister. hehe.

      I think you get the point that I’m making of not blaming others as an excuse to take action and change what you are unhappy with in your life.
      Thanks for stopping by!
      Keep rocking!

  • Quint

    I don’t think that what you are saying is wrong, more the way that you say it.

    Many people have suffered horrible abuse and neglect, and have suffered serious hurts that make it very hard for them to see that they have any power at all. While what you are saying is technically correct, the lack of compassion in your post isn’t going to help those people change.

    Some people need to be taught to understand who they truly are and the power that they can wield in their lives. The tough love, pull yourself up by your bootstraps mantra does nothing but make them feel worse. It is just one more thing they fail at.

    Your message probably has value for those who are on the cusp of self discovery, or the truly lazy who need to be reminded that they must take responsibility. There is a longer road for someone who is blind to the possibility of their own power.

    • Diggy

      Hi Quint!
      Thanks for sharing your point of view!

      You are right. Unfortunately I can please anybody but not everybody. There is no way that I can cater to every person’s situation with a single article, and that’s not my aim. If I can only even help 1 person get a grip of their own life with this article I’m more than happy.

      I agree with you that there are people who have been abused in their early years, perhaps even witnessed things that are inhumane and as a result are messed up for their entire lives, or even become psychopaths and violent criminals. Though I believe that is a much smaller percentage of the population than the segment of people who act as victims even though they have all the power to change their situation.

      I hope that by focusing on helping one style of person that I am much more effective with my motivation, and as a result can help those types of people. I know that there are people who won’t like the tone and style of this article, but I hope they understand it and if not I wish them better luck elsewhere.

      I hope you understand my point of view:)
      Thanks for commenting!
      Best
      Diggy

    • Living Happy

      If I can I would like to comment on the above, as many in life I was one that went through unbelievable and unthinkable suffering in my life that along with my siblings that would leave most people cringing, you are right that it does take others longer than others or in different ways to heal through their wounds. However I think what Quint meant was, that until we take responsibility for in fact turning that corner to understanding who we truly are or the power that we can wield in our lives we will continue the viscous cycle. I can speak this fact as I have stepped past that point and gave myself the TOUGH LOVE instead of waiting on everyone else to pick up my pieces and dusted myself off and started off and my life has had remarkable changes yet, my siblings are still in that battle and it does come down to tough love because as long as we enable ourselves in the pity or pain or allow others to enable us and be codependent we will never heal.

      I hope my reply doesn’t offend you, I just wanted to share that coming from a person who was there and did not stand up at the cusp of my self discovery rather stood up and said enough was enough and it was time to discover myself as well as my spirituality.

    • Guest

      I agree w/ you above me because people use words so much it harbors other people. We need to start or at least learn how to be more mindful of others.
      Cheers…. not the blogger just an everyday person with everyday problems.

  • Paul

    Diggy – great blog and information to compel this nation to action. I enjoyed reading it and have a couple of points for you to consider.

    I’ve studied Covey for years and I would suggest a slight edit in your blog. Covey says that we are heavily influenced in our lives but we are not determined. You indicated that we are determined by our parents. I understand your angle but I believe words are very important. No one determines your life but you; I believe that was your point.

    Secondly, I do get your dating example but I would offer that there is an alternative to breaking up; working it out. I have friends who are going through a rough patch in their relationship but love is worth fighting for.

    Awesome blog and I will be tweeting and encouraging others to check it out!

    • Diggy

      Hi Paul,
      Cool,thanks for the kind words and comment.

      I didn’t mean that we are determined by our parents, but for the first years (even up to 18 years) of your life, many important decisions are made for you by your parents. They determine what language you learn, which country you grow up in and the kinds of people you are exposed to etc. As soon as you are old enough to stand on your own feet (figuratively) then you have the power to make your own choice, but everyone is influenced by their parents in a big way when they are younger.

      As for the dating example, you are right. If you really care about someone then you should not just break up because things aren’t going smoothly, you should try and work it out. I’m just taking about people who are in relationships because they settle out of fear of being alone or being able to find someone else who wants them. These people feel very neutral towards or even despise their partner but are with them out of fear and scarcity. Those are the relationships that should be ended immediately in my opinion.

      Thanks for stopping by and for sharing Upgradereality with your followers!
      Have an awesome day

  • Leigh

    Hey Diggy,

    What a really awesome post! A real kick in the pants. I think we all need that every once in a while to shake us up when we’ve veered off course. It’s very easy to get sucked up into the “blame game” and not take responsibility for our actions. You listen to Drake…cool.

    Keep doing what you do!

    Leigh

    • Diggy

      Hey Leigh,
      Thank you:) Glad you like the post!

      Yeah Drake is one of my favorite artists among Lil Wayne, Kanye, Jay Z and a couple others. They’re so talented with the lyrics, I love it.

      How’s life on your side, what are you busy with and where are you heading in life?

      • Leigh

        Hey Diggy,
        Things are okay, I’m working on them to make them better. I just purchased your friend Glen’s book, Cloud Living and I am setting up a few mini sites. Excellent material! I’ve also purchased your UR course and I have one website and two blogs. You and Glen are an inspiration. I am looking forward to your future offerings. We both like the same rappers ;^).

    • Diggy

      Ooh awesome. Cloud-living is really awesome, I’m going to be following it’s strategies from next month after I finish off all the things I’m currently busy with. It’ll be niche to set up a few niche sites again.

      In fact, I just sold one of my affiliate sites that I set up 6 months ago. I spent $150 on links and services, made $300 in commissions and sold it for $400 so that’s a nice $550 profit for I think about a week’s worth of work. The sites are pretty easy to set up, it just takes time and dedication:)

      Good luck and lemme know if you have any questions about the blogging course!

      • Leigh

        Ok. Thanks Diggy!

  • Javi

    Nice post, Diggy!

    I know some people that would feel extremely uncomfortable reading this. Blaming others is soooo easy!!

    How can you make them understand that everything is their fault? Sounds impossible to me.

    Javi

    • Diggy

      Hey Javi!
      Yeah, that’s right. It’s very easy to blame others.
      I could blame my readers that I’m not making $20 000 a month from this blog, or I could blame my English teacher that I’m not a pro writer, or I could blame my friends from holding me back from having started this blog 10 years ago…but that’s not what it’s about.

      I’m responsible for my own actions, my successes and my failures. Other people have an influence, but ultimately, it’s my life and my responsibility.

      I know it’ll be hard to make others understand this, and especially to make others apply this principle. If everyone took responsibility for their own actions I think the world would be a much better place.

      But hey, I’m trying to convince as many people as I can, one blog post at a time:)
      Thanks for stopping by Javi, much appreciated.
      Have an awesome day!

  • http://www.nomadicneill.com NomadicNeill

    I agree our life is in our own hands, but…

    Many people don’t realise the amount of misinformation that fills their heads which leads them to beat themselves up for failing in certain areas.

    For example how many people try to lose weight by following the government advise of eating less and including lots of grains and fruit without knowing how wrong that advice is. (I’m a paleo / primal / whole foods eater btw).

    So this is a case in which people are most definitely a victim. A victim of society.

    It’s hard not to feel bitter about being (all be it unknowingly) lied to your whole life.

    Of course you can’t live with those kinds of emotions for long. It’s not productive.

    What I’m saying is that many areas of life are not as hard as is made out to be. It can be really simple and if you find yourself struggling in an area consider that it may not be that you’re a loser with no will-power but that you are going about things the wrong way because you’ve been misinformed.

    • Diggy

      Hi Neil,
      I agree with what you’re saying 100%, but that’s not the kind of people I’m talking about.
      You’re mentioning people that are taking action and working to improve what they’re not happy with, i.e. lose weight, but they’re just using the wrong methods. These people are actually doing something about their situation, but they’re not doing enough because they’re trying one method and not seeing results and then giving up.

      It’s very rare that you get something right the first time round. Usually it’s all about taking action, seeing what’s not working, making some changes and then trying again. Rinse and repeat until you get it right.

      Outside influence is very big, even from trusted sources like your friends, family and the government, but ultimately it’s your life and you have to live every day of it. That’s why I’m stressing the importance of making your own decisions, and saying ‘NO’ when something makes you uncomfortable or unhappy.

      What do you think?