Stop Blaming Others – Your Life Sucks Because of YOU

This article is to help you get rid of the ‘victim’ mentality. To help you get rid of the fact that you think that your life sucks because other people make your life suck. That you’re overweight because you don’t have time to go to the gym or that your supermarket doesn’t sell vegetables. That you haven’t gotten laid in a year because nobody has approached you and asked you out.

Do you get the point…?

I used to have this ‘victim’ mentality too. I used to blame others for my unhappiness and the areas of my life that were way below average. It’s just the easy way out. It’s far too easy to say…”My life sucks because my parents, my boss, my friends and my boss driver make all my decisions for me and they are no good.”.

Do you want to hear the REAL reason that your life sucks?

No, I bet you don’t, but I’ll tell you anyway:

Your life sucks because you suck.

Stop Blaming Others
Photo Credit

Yeah, I said it. YOU are responsible for your life, and nobody else.

YOU are responsible for your happiness, for your fitness and health, for your relationships, for your finances and for all your actions. But you’ve been hiding from that responsibility. You’ve been blaming your unhappiness and incompetence on others. It’s time to stop blaming others and taking responsibility for your own life. That’s when you really start to live.

“Everybody dies but not everybody lives.” – Drake

Of course other people have an influence on your life. An enormous influence even. For the first 16+ years your life is greatly determined by your parents. They decide where you live, where you go to school, what education and skills you learn and possibly even what your future should be by sending you off to college.

Your friends and peers have a huge influence on you, especially when you are young. They influence everything from your choice in dating, to your clothes to the activities that you do in your free time.

When you’re young you don’t have the experience or initiative to stand up for yourself and say ‘no’ when other people influence you in a way that you’re not happy or comfortable with. You simply don’t know better and try your best to fit in and get the approval from others, even if it means doing things that make you uncomfortable or unhappy.

When you’re a kid and you get bad grades in school because you have no time at home to study or do your homework, you’re a victim because you have no other options. This is just an example to show you how it’s very common for people to be a victim when they’re young and genuinely being a victim because they have no control over the situation. Unfortunately, that ‘victim’ mentality stays with most people as they grow up, even when they have the power to change what’s making them unhappy.

Stop Being A Wuss – Take Control Of Your Life

If you’re 18 or older you have the ability to get a job and earn money to pay for monthly living expenses. You have no excuse to be a victim and blame others for your shortcomings. Your boss is not responsible for your low salary. Your parents are not to blame for your lack of success and your friends are not to blame for your lack of dates or love life.

Maybe they are – indirectly. But you have no control over where you grew up, or which school you went to, or which friends you had when you were young. That’s something you need to accept and let go.

You have to work with what you’ve got, and make things better for yourself. If you’re not happy with your job, have you thought about not complaining and actually going out and looking for a second job, or a new job, or starting something on the side(like an online business) ?

Are you unhappy with your relationship because your partner has very few of the qualities you want but you’ve settled because you think that’s all you can get? How about stepping up, breaking up and going out there to talk and date people as long as it takes until you find someone who you’re happy to be in a relationship with?

It’s Childish and Immature To Blame Others

It’s childish and immature to blame others who influenced you in the past for your lack of success today. Maybe you were a victim back then and had no choice in the matter, but now you have the power to take control, accept responsibility and change the things you are not happy with in your life.

Taking responsibility for your life is scary, no doubt. It places a big bulls eye on your ego, and exposes your ego to *shudder* failure. When you accept responsibility for your life it means that every single success and failure is because of your actions, and this very fact is often what causes people to keep the ‘victim’ mentality for so long. As a ‘victim’, your failures are never your fault, they are always caused by others and allows your ego to feel safe behind a wall of lies.

It takes guts and courage to take responsibility for your own actions, to stop hiding behind the ‘victim’ mentality that keeps you safe from the reality that the reason your life sucks is because of you.

But at the same time, when you take responsibility for your life, you begin to grow mentally and spiritually in a way like you never have before. When you take action to improve the areas of your life that you’re not happy with, all the progress and all the success belongs to you. You’re earning your right to live, to really be alive and make the most of life.

So I’m asking you, no I’m COMMANDING you… from today onwards, to stop blaming others and to take full control of your life. Be true to your heart and desires. If you’re unhappy with an area of your life, take action to change it. No more hidin’ behind that ‘victim’ mentality.

Do you disagree with me? Start a (constructive) argument with me in the comment section below.

http://www.nomadicneill.com NomadicNeill

I agree our life is in our own hands, but…

Many people don’t realise the amount of misinformation that fills their heads which leads them to beat themselves up for failing in certain areas.

For example how many people try to lose weight by following the government advise of eating less and including lots of grains and fruit without knowing how wrong that advice is. (I’m a paleo / primal / whole foods eater btw).

So this is a case in which people are most definitely a victim. A victim of society.

It’s hard not to feel bitter about being (all be it unknowingly) lied to your whole life.

Of course you can’t live with those kinds of emotions for long. It’s not productive.

What I’m saying is that many areas of life are not as hard as is made out to be. It can be really simple and if you find yourself struggling in an area consider that it may not be that you’re a loser with no will-power but that you are going about things the wrong way because you’ve been misinformed.

Diggy

Hi Neil,
I agree with what you’re saying 100%, but that’s not the kind of people I’m talking about.
You’re mentioning people that are taking action and working to improve what they’re not happy with, i.e. lose weight, but they’re just using the wrong methods. These people are actually doing something about their situation, but they’re not doing enough because they’re trying one method and not seeing results and then giving up.

It’s very rare that you get something right the first time round. Usually it’s all about taking action, seeing what’s not working, making some changes and then trying again. Rinse and repeat until you get it right.

Outside influence is very big, even from trusted sources like your friends, family and the government, but ultimately it’s your life and you have to live every day of it. That’s why I’m stressing the importance of making your own decisions, and saying ‘NO’ when something makes you uncomfortable or unhappy.

What do you think?

https://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=8359317271&v=info Paul

Diggy – great blog and information to compel this nation to action. I enjoyed reading it and have a couple of points for you to consider.

I’ve studied Covey for years and I would suggest a slight edit in your blog. Covey says that we are heavily influenced in our lives but we are not determined. You indicated that we are determined by our parents. I understand your angle but I believe words are very important. No one determines your life but you; I believe that was your point.

Secondly, I do get your dating example but I would offer that there is an alternative to breaking up; working it out. I have friends who are going through a rough patch in their relationship but love is worth fighting for.

Awesome blog and I will be tweeting and encouraging others to check it out!

Diggy

Hi Paul,
Cool,thanks for the kind words and comment.

I didn’t mean that we are determined by our parents, but for the first years (even up to 18 years) of your life, many important decisions are made for you by your parents. They determine what language you learn, which country you grow up in and the kinds of people you are exposed to etc. As soon as you are old enough to stand on your own feet (figuratively) then you have the power to make your own choice, but everyone is influenced by their parents in a big way when they are younger.

As for the dating example, you are right. If you really care about someone then you should not just break up because things aren’t going smoothly, you should try and work it out. I’m just taking about people who are in relationships because they settle out of fear of being alone or being able to find someone else who wants them. These people feel very neutral towards or even despise their partner but are with them out of fear and scarcity. Those are the relationships that should be ended immediately in my opinion.

Thanks for stopping by and for sharing Upgradereality with your followers!
Have an awesome day

Javi

Nice post, Diggy!

I know some people that would feel extremely uncomfortable reading this. Blaming others is soooo easy!!

How can you make them understand that everything is their fault? Sounds impossible to me.

Javi

Diggy

Hey Javi!
Yeah, that’s right. It’s very easy to blame others.
I could blame my readers that I’m not making $20 000 a month from this blog, or I could blame my English teacher that I’m not a pro writer, or I could blame my friends from holding me back from having started this blog 10 years ago…but that’s not what it’s about.

I’m responsible for my own actions, my successes and my failures. Other people have an influence, but ultimately, it’s my life and my responsibility.

I know it’ll be hard to make others understand this, and especially to make others apply this principle. If everyone took responsibility for their own actions I think the world would be a much better place.

But hey, I’m trying to convince as many people as I can, one blog post at a time:)
Thanks for stopping by Javi, much appreciated.
Have an awesome day!

http://jakyastikblogs.blogspot.com Jaky Astik

Blaming others is a natural sense of happening because our mind always wants to put itself and its misleadings on a safe side. But that doesn’t merely mean you should never blame others.

Blaming others, if done rightly and with correct attitude, it works out well.

Diggy

Hey Jaky,
Yeah that’s true, never say never:)

Like if you fart at the dinner table, it’s always fun to blame it on your friend or your sister. hehe.

I think you get the point that I’m making of not blaming others as an excuse to take action and change what you are unhappy with in your life.
Thanks for stopping by!
Keep rocking!

Leigh

Hey Diggy,

What a really awesome post! A real kick in the pants. I think we all need that every once in a while to shake us up when we’ve veered off course. It’s very easy to get sucked up into the “blame game” and not take responsibility for our actions. You listen to Drake…cool.

Keep doing what you do!

Leigh

Diggy

Hey Leigh,
Thank you:) Glad you like the post!

Yeah Drake is one of my favorite artists among Lil Wayne, Kanye, Jay Z and a couple others. They’re so talented with the lyrics, I love it.

How’s life on your side, what are you busy with and where are you heading in life?

http://www.single-womens-guide-to-marriage.com Leigh

Hey Diggy,
Things are okay, I’m working on them to make them better. I just purchased your friend Glen’s book, Cloud Living and I am setting up a few mini sites. Excellent material! I’ve also purchased your UR course and I have one website and two blogs. You and Glen are an inspiration. I am looking forward to your future offerings. We both like the same rappers ;^).

Diggy

Ooh awesome. Cloud-living is really awesome, I’m going to be following it’s strategies from next month after I finish off all the things I’m currently busy with. It’ll be niche to set up a few niche sites again.

In fact, I just sold one of my affiliate sites that I set up 6 months ago. I spent $150 on links and services, made $300 in commissions and sold it for $400 so that’s a nice $550 profit for I think about a week’s worth of work. The sites are pretty easy to set up, it just takes time and dedication:)

Good luck and lemme know if you have any questions about the blogging course!

http://www.single-womens-guide-to-marriage.com Leigh

Ok. Thanks Diggy!

Quint

I don’t think that what you are saying is wrong, more the way that you say it.

Many people have suffered horrible abuse and neglect, and have suffered serious hurts that make it very hard for them to see that they have any power at all. While what you are saying is technically correct, the lack of compassion in your post isn’t going to help those people change.

Some people need to be taught to understand who they truly are and the power that they can wield in their lives. The tough love, pull yourself up by your bootstraps mantra does nothing but make them feel worse. It is just one more thing they fail at.

Your message probably has value for those who are on the cusp of self discovery, or the truly lazy who need to be reminded that they must take responsibility. There is a longer road for someone who is blind to the possibility of their own power.

Diggy

Hi Quint!
Thanks for sharing your point of view!

You are right. Unfortunately I can please anybody but not everybody. There is no way that I can cater to every person’s situation with a single article, and that’s not my aim. If I can only even help 1 person get a grip of their own life with this article I’m more than happy.

I agree with you that there are people who have been abused in their early years, perhaps even witnessed things that are inhumane and as a result are messed up for their entire lives, or even become psychopaths and violent criminals. Though I believe that is a much smaller percentage of the population than the segment of people who act as victims even though they have all the power to change their situation.

I hope that by focusing on helping one style of person that I am much more effective with my motivation, and as a result can help those types of people. I know that there are people who won’t like the tone and style of this article, but I hope they understand it and if not I wish them better luck elsewhere.

I hope you understand my point of view:)
Thanks for commenting!
Best
Diggy

Tanvir

Hey Diggy,

Great topic you’ve got here. There have been times in my life when I’ve used this mentality as an excuse and blamed my failures on my situation. However I’ve noticed that some of my best moments also came during times when I had long odds. The difference between these two were my courses of action.

So it is often a matter of how you respond to situations rather than the situations themselves that determine where you go. That being said as you and others above have mentioned, some people are indeed real victims of circumstance (abuse, poverty, totalitarian government, etc). I guess this shows that we should be grateful for our circumstances and keep things in perspective.

Diggy

Hey Tanvir!
Thanks buddy, I hope things are good on your side?

I think you mean that after long periods of not getting anywhere you finally decide you’re sick of it and take action to change it? Yeah I’ve also had those, it’s strange that often it takes so long for you to want to change, and then when you get good results you think “Why didn’t I do this much sooner?”.

Have a cool week!

http://www.thevantagejourney.com Tariq and Shaheera

Awesome post Diggy! We also applaud the comments both from you and your readers. Interesting opinions expressed there.

We’ve all been in that position before. When things get a little too tough we start pointing fingers at other people because seriously, can one person be the result of all that failure? (Of course in actual fact, YES one person can be responsible for all that failure).

However, no one else can feel the pain or joy as much as you so if other people decide for you they won’t be suffering the consequences or reaping the benefits. Which is why making your own decisions is the best step. Being guided is fine but ultimately you have the final say.

Thanks for this article. We think it’s worthy of putting it up somewhere and sharing it with other people.

Tariq and Shaheera
http://www.mylifestylemax.com Stacey Herbert

Wow, diggy, I have been reading your posts in my reader, but this was so powerful if caused me to come off the reader and into the blog. YOU SMACKED IT. This is quite simply one of the most honest, in your face, age no barrier, articles I have read in ages. You spoke to me in all the dark places, that you cover with the victim mentality, thank you for this wake up call.

I see you say that you no “there will be people who wont like the tone and style of this article”, and you would be right. But there will be people, like me, who this speaks to, inspires, and motivates, on such an emotional level, that power shit starts to happen in their lives. This is the sort of no nonsense, heartfelt writing some times we NEED to hear, even when we don’T want to. Thank you, tweeted, and saved for future ask kickings when needed!

Diggy

Hi Stacey,
wow, thanks for the kind comment and I’m very happy to hear I inspired you to take action to achieve your dreams.

Not everyone gets lucky and becomes Bill Gates or Steve Jobs, but with consistent hard and smart work, it’s highly probable that anyone can and will achieve success.

Good luck and let me know if you ever feel unmotivated, I’ll help you out:)

http://www.christian-fey.com Christian Fey

You are 100% spot-on with this post! All too often, I meet people and begin talking to them about their life, only to have them migrate from what’s wrong to why it’s someone else’s fault! I have a friend who I used to hang out with on a regular basis, and when something went wrong with his job, his family had an emergency, his relationship went south, it became “My boss has something against me,” or “the universe is always throwing bullshit at me.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that it was all HIS fault that these things are affecting him. The universe throws things at you that are unpleasant, and the only thing you have control over is how your respond to those events! I have found that the victims in this world don’t want to internalize the blame, and so, don’t bother to try to improve how they see the situations that go wrong.

You lose your job. Fine, time to move onto the next **opportunity**. It is NOT the time to ignore the new opportunities you can pursue, and say “Woe is me.”

Thanks for the post!
Christian

Diggy

Hi Christian,
Thanks for the kind words and awesome comment!

Yeah I know what you mean, I have that myself sometimes. It’s easy to blame others when things are going well, but then I think “wait a minute, all this is happening but I can choose to complain or I can choose to make the most of what I’ve got and get out of this mess”. I like to choose the latter:)

Have an awesome day!

http://OurDevelopingMind.com Marco Lee

Sometimes it is really hard to let go of being a victim.

There are times when we had let it go and achieved success but sometimes we encounter struggle and let it creep it again.

We must also know how to handle stuff and be tough in letting this mindset push us down.

Diggy

Hey Marco,
it’s not always easy to take full responsibility for your life and actions, because sometimes the influence of others is so big that you just want to blame it all on them.

The key is that even though someone obstructs your progress, you have to deal with it as best you can and not use it as an excuse to avoid being happy/achieving your goals.

http://thepowerofthespirit.blogspot.com/ Dave

Like the motivation in the article. Gets to the point.

Unfortunately, ingrained negative experiences are difficult to remove from the subconscious. It takes real work, and it is not a matter of willpower. It means you have to reprogram your mind, and spend time in silence and meditation. Guilt only strengths the negativity.

The power to change lies within. People need to be motivated to access it. Truth is good, however hope is better.

Diggy

Hi Dave,
Yes Sir, willpower alone is not enough. One very powerful method that can remove any negative experiences and trauma is called EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). Have you heard of it?

They’ve done case studies on people who have been terrified of the sea for years due to sharks, and after a few EFT sessions these same people happily put on a swimming costume and dive in the open ocean.

They’ve done case studies on war veterans who can’t sleep for years because they see and hear all the screams and bombs in their minds, and after EFT they become peaceful and normal again.

I personally use it from time to time and EFT is amazing.

http://www.reallifeforhealth.com Adam

Great post! It’s so good to hear people telling it like it is. I keep trying to explain to my friend that it’s not things like his boss or his gf or his out of shape body that’s holding him back. It’s his attitude toward life that stops him from making the improvements needed. One of my favourite sayings is “Wherever you go, there you are.” And besides the obvious, it also means that’s your attitude affects you wherever you go and whatever you do.

Diggy

Hi Adam,
Happy to hear you like this article:)

Love the saying too!

Pingback: Bridging The Gap Between Saying And Doing
Dora the Explora

I’m making an assumption that you are a Christian, or Moslem, if not, don’t read this =D.

“Life sucks because I suck” definitely, i agree with that. But….(not to be a Bible thumper) what about Job? His life was suckish(extreme understatement) but we know that was not his fault or decision at all. His life sucked because God willed it.

What about people who believe in this verse? “In all things trust in the Lord, and he shall direct your path” People believe in this, AND try their best to make the best, but life still goes down the drain, then it wouldn’t exactly be wrong to ask “why does my life suck”? Giving an answer such as “Your life sucks because you suck” won’t cut it, and never will.

But “The Lord works out everything for His own ends, even the wicked for a day of disaster” (Proverbs 16:33; Ephesians 1:11). According to Jesus, if the birds are fed, it is the Father who feeds them; if the flowers grow, it is because God grows them.

If we trusted in the Lord for guidance but life was still miserable, the proper answer would be “Because God is in control of everything, all we have to do is be patient and trust in Him, at the same time doing our best to do what is right”. This kind of answer(in comparison) does not encourage people to jump =D.

Of course, I do accept that your article is an appropriate answer for some people, but there are many different people out there, with different experiences and different circumstances influencing them.

diggy

Hi Dora,
I am actually not a religious person at all, neither am I against any religion or people who are religious. I was just not raised with a religion, and have never adopted one since.

Without getting into an argument about what is right or wrong, and which religion is correct, I just want to point out that if you don’t try to succeed, it’s not going to magically happen overnight. The more you practice, the luckier you get. Nobody is born perfect, and most successful people have worked incredibly hard for months and years on end before they got to where they were. Some have failed hundreds and even thousands of times.

The point of this article is to convey the message that if your life sucks, don’t blame it on anyone else. Stop complaining and take action to change the things you’re not happy with, and stop wanting to change the things you have no power over.

I hope my explanation here makes things a little bit more clear without having offended you.
Best regards
Diggy

Myles

Amen Brother!
Pyramid1575

thanks, very well put. ……….heres a bit of my story…Im 39 and only starting to take responsibility for all this..my job, my illness,my finances (hate paying bills!!..)..my relationships. wish I had been able to mature in my twenties and thirties………..I KEEP USING THE BLAME WORD..and am now sick of the sound of my own voice. I would love to have that time back…and live it again more purposefully.feel like I have totally wasted that time..and I cant get those times back..actually felt so angry that I blamed others for “stealing the best part of my life”,,
Yes..I had bad things happen and fucked up parents..but I just got to stop blaming.. .would love to get past the anger too…any helpful hints welcome………:)
I have began to make many changes..quit pot..quit smoking…going to gym and loving it. joining dating websites..going out socialising (scary at first when sober)…working at career change…so just got to be patient..
http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

Hi Danny,
I completely agree with you that it’s not always your own fault. There is no way that I can generalize every person and place them in one category, so you are very right with your conclusion that some people just can’t help their situation because it’s the cards they were dealt.

Thanks for sharing your personal story, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you! I guess the only thing you (and everyone) can do is to make the best of the situation you’re in and play the hand that you’re dealt.

I hope you get everything on track and that you get some good fortune coming your way!

Best
Diggy
Samreen

I liked the article,i believe it’s human tendency to blame others without looking at themselves but my doing this they satisfy themselves that they are not wrong.I used to do this a lot but realized only when someone did the same.The truth is always gonna remain the same.When i had the good things in my life i wanted more and blamed someone for it but instead i could have lived that moment to the fullest.Somewhere when bad things happen to us it’s our mistake and we have to learn from it not blame it on others.No one’s perfect we have to realize it and face it.I ‘ll put it to use in my life.
http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

Thanks James
http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

Damn man, sorry to hear.

I might sound a bit harsh by what I’m about to tell you, but believe me it’s for your own good.

Although you had a crappy childhood and your parents played a good part in messing with your head and your development, that’s now in the past. What’s done is done and you can’t change it.

Right now, you have the power to make a change in your life. Professional help may be good, but ultimately you’re going to change yourself, and that change needs to come from within you.

Start reading more personal development related books, make a change to your attitutde and take things day by day. Over time you’ll start to improve and within the next few years you can create and build the life you want to be living.

Don’t give up man, you can do it. I believe it, and you must too!
Best wishes
Diggy
jnbstraight

Only in a first world overly privileged shit hole like the US do people believe this kind of crap.