Written by Diggy
If you’re reading this article then you are quite likely in a rut because you recently got dumped, or you anticipate that something nasty is brewing. Before you find yourself thinking “my girlfriend broke up with me“, read this article.
Here you’ll learn exactly how to deal with your breakup and how to get her back if that’s what you want.
Breakups hurt, but there is a reason why people break up. If your girlfriend really loved you at some point (or still loves you), then you’ve got a very good chance of patching things up with her. If she never really expressed her emotions or love for you then things might be a bit more complicated.
First things first.
Let’s deal with the situation where you were in a relationship with a girl who at some point was totally crazy in love with you and who may still love you very much.
In this case the problem is not the lack of love from her side, but there is another problem (or multiple problems) that led to the breakup.
Examples of problems that lead to a breakup could be
Not giving her enough attention.
If you’re constantly busy or constantly working or simply don’t put any effort into making her feel wanted, then after time she is likely going to think you don’t love her or want her anymore and she’s going to either look elsewhere for attention or simply break up with you.
Making her feel bad about herself.
If you constantly make your girlfriend feel insecure, put her down or make her feel bad about herself then sooner or later she will break up with you. Think about your actions, words and attitude towards her.
Not giving her enough space.
If you try to control your girlfriend too much and constantly tell her what she can and cannot do, then sooner or later she’s going to run away. It’s okay to tell her yes and no at times, but for the rest she must at least feel free to be able to do what she wants (and yes, this means going out with friends and possibly even coffee or dinner with another man).
Being too needy.
If you rely on your girlfriend as your sole source of happiness then she’s going to feel responsible and pressured to make you happy, and this will likely lead to her running away or breaking up with you. It’s great to be in a strong relationship where you can do everything together, but you need some hobbies of your own and you need some friends of your own.
There are of course many other reasons why your girlfriend could break up with you (like if you cheat on her) but usually it is one of the above reasons or a combination of these things.
If it were to be the case that your girlfriend broke up with you because she doesn’t love you anymore or because she found someone else, then you’ll have to make a choice if you really want her back or not.
I think it’s highly possible to get her back, even if she doesn’t really love you or is with someone else, but then the question you need to ask yourself is if you really want to be with a girl who doesn’t really want to be with you.
Personally I want to be with a girl where I am her first choice and where I am her dream man.
You might feel like you need her in your life, but my advice would be that if you are not her first choice and you have to work really hard to persuade her and convince her to be yours again, she is not worthy of your time, love and energy.
However, if you want to get her back anyways, read the next paragraph.
How To Get Her Back
Usually girls will hold out pretty long in a relationship, even if things are not going the way they want them. But once a girl decides that it is too much and she makes the decision to break up with you, you need to make some serious change and effort if you want to win her back.
Firstly, you need to give her space. You cannot become needy and clingy and call her 20 times a day and leave her messages. This is only going to strengthen her decision to break up with you.
Initially, give her space. Let her know in a calm but loving way that you still care about her and want to be with her, that you will give her space and that you’ll be there for when she wants you back.
Then, contact her as little as possible, if necessary avoid contact for days or a week or two. By appearing to be unaffected, if she still cares about you then she will try to get in touch. At this point, still don’t give in. Try to stay unreachable for a bit and only contact her after hours, maybe a day later even.
In the meantime while you wait, take action to change whatever it is that you think caused the breakup. If it was because you were too lazy and didn’t take life seriously, take action to change that. If it’s because you are way out of shape, take action to change that.
Hang out with your buddies, try to stay busy and keep your mind off her. It’s going to be a strong urge to want to call her all the time, but you must resist this, at least initially.
After time and depending on how the contact is from her side, you can slowly see if you can pick things up again. Maybe suggest getting together for a coffee and talk about things now that the heat has cooled.
If she agrees to this, be sure to play it very slow, cool and not needy. Have no expectations. Treat it like a first date. If this goes well, you can take it from there and take things slowly.
There is a possibility that there may be quite some time between when you broke up and when you get back together. It could be days and it could be weeks, but it’s definitely possible in most cases.
You just need to decide if she is really worth getting back and if you want to be with her because she is the most amazing girl in the world to you or only because you’re scared of being alone. If it’s the latter, don’t get back together with her. Chances are you will only regret it in future.
The above is just my experience with girlfriends and how the female mind works. If you want to learn how to get your girlfriend back with the help of a man and his guide who has helped over 55,000 people in countries all around the world:
Dealing With The Breakup
There’s an article I wrote titled how to deal with hurt, heart-ache and loss that gives a very good way of dealing with a breakup.
Basically, you have to let your feelings run their course. If you’ve decided that you don’t want her back, then you have to embrace the hurt, sadness and pain that comes with moving on.
If you don’t allow yourself to feel the hurt and you suppress those feelings, it’s very unhealthy and it’s going to create a lot more pain and suffering for you than if you were to let your feelings run free and embrace the hurt.
While it may hurt initially and while you may feel like you want to die, in a matter of days or weeks this hurt will fade and you will start to find joy in every day things. (If this is not the case then you know you are hopelessly in love with her and you should be doing everything you can to get her back).
If you suppress the hurt and the pain of the breakup, it can lead to all sorts of issues like depression, lack of confidence, a destruction of your self-esteem, lots of anger and negativity and much more. These are all things that you don’t want to have in your life.
Just like with all things in life, the quick-fix usually ends up being the worst choice you can make. In the case of a breakup, the quick-fix is to suppress the pain and hurt and this leads to a world of problems later on. It’s more difficult to let it hurt and embrace the pain, but once you go through this process you will be able to let go and move on with no regret or sadness (or minimal regret and sadness) and you’ll be able to love again and give yourself to someone completely.
Take some time to think about whether you want her back or not. If you really love her you won’t need to think long.