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Lessons from Tyler Durden & Ben Stiller – Stop Your Possessions From Owning You |
“The things you own end up owning you”
Let this post be the ultimate guide to teaching you how not to let your life revolve around the things you own but to let the things you own revolve around your life.
Some people are packrats, collecting something along every step of their journey and never throwing something away. Other people are perfectly happy owning just a set of clean clothes and a toothbrush so to speak. I believe that a healthy balance is always the best solution to anything.
When you are born and arrive on planet earth you own absolutely nothing but your own body and life. You have nothing and hopefully your parents take care of you and raise you until you are old enough to ensure your own survival (being able to provide food and shelter). As you grow up and you progress on your journey of life it is possible and quite likely that you will accumlate “stuff”. Anything ranging from art, furniture, clothes and books to cars, properties, businesses and money.
The problem with most possessions is that they all require some type of maintenance. Some much more intensive than others. For example furniture requires to be cleaned or dusted and even oiled from time to time. If you have one couch and one table the maintenance is minimal but what if you have 10 peieces of furniture or 50? Expensive art might require security precautions or an alarm. Cars need servicing and cleaning. If you have a collection of cars the are required to be driven from time to time to keep them in working order. Properties? Probably the most maintenance of all. The building needs to be kept clean, painted, the electrics and plumbing need to be 100%, the roof and windows require attention, the garden needs to be maintained and so on and so forth.
What usually happens is that people who accquire a lot of possessions will start to pay other people to take care of the maintenance of what they own. A gardener, a maid, an accountant, a manager, a painter or a handyman. The more you own, the more people you need to employ. The more people you employ, the more responsibilities you ultimately have. It is possible to have minimal headaches from the maintenance of your possessions, but it is likely going to cost a lot of money and it requires good and trustworthy people.
Why Write About Being Owned By Your Stuff?
There are two reasons that inspired me to write an article about the topic of owning too much stuff but the stuff ends up owning you. Instead of enjoying being the owner of your posessions and using them for your benefit and pleasure, you get burdened with responsibilities and worries about your posessions and thus are no longer really free to live how you want to live.
I have spent the last two months away from home in another country and all that I have with me is a suitcase, a backpack, clothes, an ipod (which I haven’t even used), a digital camera, a camcorder, my laptop and my wallet and passport. These things that I have been living off in the past two months are only a fraction of all the stuff I have at home, yet I haven’t even used evertyhing I took with me on my trip. All the other stuff at home I don’t even miss and could easily live without (although certain things are nice to keep like photos).
I feel very light and liberated not having to worry about anything. Everything I need I have in a suitcase and backpack.
We are in an era of consumption. Every form of advertising tells us to BUY BUY BUY. Buy a new computer, a new television set, a new fridge or microwave oven for your kitchen. How about a new sofa or comfortable matress for your bed? The list can go on forever and it just keeps on coming. Some people’s houses are full and they have enough stuff for two families yet they still continue to buy.
I am not recommending that you live as minimalistic as possible per se. This may not be what you enjoy and I would not enforce it upon you. There are people who enjoying having a lot of things. I just want you to observe yourself from an outside perspective to see if the things you own are owning you. Are you going out of your way to do things to take care of stuff you don’t really need? Are you wasting valuable time on maintaining things you don’t need?
A Lesson From Tyler Durden
It is likely that you have seen the movie Fight Club or at least heard of it and its famous lead character Tyler Durden. Tyler was a true rebel at heart, fighting conformity and modern society.
“Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.”
In Fight Club, Tyler Durden was the split personality or alter ego of an average guy. This average guy did not have a name in the movie but some refer to him as Jack. Jack was trapped in the life of consumerism. He was a white collar slave, working an office job he hated in order to use the money to just buy stuff. Designer sofa’s, a collection of this and a collection of that. An almost perfect wardrobe and all sorts of gadgets he never even used but just bought. He was addicted to buying all the latest stuff, that is what his life consisted of and what he lived for.
“F*ck off with your sofa units and strine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let… lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may.”
Tyler Durden changed that for Jack by blowing up Jack’s condo and all his stuff and collections. Initally Jack’s life fell apart, he didn’t know what to do with himself. Everything he had lived for was destroyed. He turned to Tyler for a place to stay and got sucked into Tyler’s world. At first it seemed great and wonderful but towards the end Tyler went too far and strayed to the dark side by attempting to blow up all the credit card headquaters in the world to eliminate debt.
The lesson to take home from Tyler Durden is the one of not conforming to society’s demands of consumerism. Don’t just buy stuff you don’t even need because you are told to buy it or because other people are buying it. Live a life of balance where you have the things you want and need and for the rest are satisfied with what you have. You don’t need perfect collections of furniture or art and you don’t need a new TV if the one you have is a year old and still works perfetly.
What Ben Stiller Can Teach You About Life
There was a scene in a movie that applies to the principle of wasting time on maintaining things that you do not really need. The movie was “There’s Something About Mary” where Ben Stiller plays a man who is a neat freak and scarily organised.
He has a throw-over and a dozen pillows on his bed that he routinely takes off the bed an puts on the chair every night before he goes to bed. Before he goes to work in the morning he routinely makes his bed, puts the throw-over back and stacks the dozen pillows neatly on top. He does this every single day of his life.
Towards the end of the movie (after losing the girl he really cared about) he realizes how much his stuff is owning him and dictating his life. He works out that he spends 4 minutes every single day of his life packing and unpacking pillows. These 4 minutes a day turn into hours and days of his entire life where all he would have accomplished is packing and unpacking pillows onto his bed. Pretty ridiculous isn’t it?
Needless to say he stops with the senseless packing of his pillows and he gets the girl back so Hooray for a happy ending! If you haven’t seen the movie it’s worth taking out.
To Make You Think
I realized recently that I was being owned and controlled by something I signed up for. It is just one example but it was getting to the point where I would spend 20 minutes a day or more on Facebook and not getting anything back for it. Just compulsive checking to see if I got any messages or if anyone updated their status to something interesting. I made the decision to notify my friends I was no longer logging in and if they needed me they could reach me at UpgradeReality. I haven’t permanently deleted my account because there are a few people i would like to be able to get in touch with if I have to , but for the rest I don’t want it to control my life.
To end off I want to leave you with the following thought:
How many minutes of every day do you waste on maintaining stuff that you don’t even need? Are you being controlled by the things you own?
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Right on. I live minimally. I don’t own furniture anymore (used to own one small couch). I rent an apartment with furniture. No house, no car, no maintenance, no fuel costs.
The way I get around using a car is picking my apartment stratetically near trains, busses (never use busses) and I have a supermarket next door.
I’m well aware of the phenomenon of expansion and maintenance. It’s not just you buying a car, because you have to maintain it, repair it, buy fuel, take care of it and worry about it being stolen. I can do without that
(Note to editor: typo below “Why write about being owned by your stuff” on word “inpired”)
I’ve come to realize that I really don’t need a lot of stuff. It’s the 80/20 rule at work again. You use 20% of your stuff for 80% of things. I think it can be taken even further, but you get my point.
I don’t buy anything new now unless I REALLY need it. I don’t want to clutter my life up with more things I maybe use once a month.
The urge to buy can be strong sometimes, but it’s easy to resist when you know a few secret questions to ask yourself
But like you say, we all have to follow our own hearts and do what feels the best for us. It’s just that sometimes people don’t even know that what they want.
Excellent post dude! Luckily, I don’t have the facebook problem because I don’t even like facebook. My problem is checking my stats and affiliate commissions
.-= Henri Junttila´s last blog ..Making $300/Month Online with Ingela Johansson =-.
Henri!
Thanks for your awesome comment man, almost as long as my post
I have experienced the same you are describing. The last 2 months I have a suitcase, my laptop and my camera and thats all I needed. No car, no furniture (I rented a furnished apartment) and no other stuff. All I needed was what I had with me in my suitcase. Crazy to think that so many people have an overflowing abundance of stuff the don’t need while there are hundreds of people starving and dying around the world because they don’t have anything at all.
I’ve seen Fight Club more than 3 times and everytime I discovered more and more about the other side of my personality. I guess it’s a Tyler Durden in eveyone of us.
Hey Tavia!
Thanks for stopping by
Yeaaaaah! Tyler Durden lives in us all, just don’t let him take total control of the cockpit because then he becomes rather destructive. Tyler is good just to make sure we aren’t enslaved by stuff, other people or the media.
I remember seeing a car advert on TV where the owner of a car was spending a lot of time tending to it. The tag line was ‘and then you end up wondering who is in charge in this relationship’.
I wasn’t sure if it was a sly dig or unintended. Made me laugh anyway.
What do you guys think of the commodity fetishim surrounding the iPad. It’s consumerism raised to an almost spiritual / cult / religious experience IMO.
.-= NomadicNeil´s last blog ..Visa extension run and meeting up with fellow bloggers =-.
i deal with objects like i deal with girls. cuddle the shit outta them when you feel like it and then get back to my bidniss. fuzzy creatures of love
moneymoneymoney
2010 gonna be mad explosive MAGIC OWNAGE
when you kids coming back?
Alex!
Seeya sooooon
Be Back Sunday night, then need a week to recover
Hey Neil!
Yeah the iPad is being hyped like crazy. I’m sure many people are getting it just because others are getting it and the result being that lots of iPads will sit idely and unused in people’s apartments. Consumer driven hype IMO
Well said!
Our stuff is just stuff – nothing more. But our relationships are truly the most important things in our lives.
Good point here: If we take care of the people we love as much as we do our pillows, the possibilities are endless.
Thanks for sharing this.
Hey Alex
haha yeah that is the summary of the post! Maintain your relationships and the people you love instead of the things you own. Thanks for stopping by!
Hi Diggy,
I like how you took a movie that I have seen several times (Fight Club) and one that I’ve never seen ( There’s Something About Mary) and taught me something.
I’m getting rid of stuff all the time. I love it. I haven’t bought clothes for years and now some are ripping or have holes in them. I’m lucky being in China that things are so cheap and also that many people on the street have holes in their clothes so I don’t feel out of place.
@NomadicNeil The iPhone and iPad are the pinnacle symbols of our consumerist mad society. I don’t have and don’t intend to buy either.
.-= Gordie´s last blog ..You’re A Bad Parent If … =-.
Heya Gordie!
I agree man, I haven’t bought clothes for the last 2 years (cept for socks and underwear) and I still have much more than I need. We just buy and buy and buy, somewhere its gotta stop!
I’m a sucker for Fight Club inspired posts. Fantastic movie.
My fiance and I recently had this epiphany while preparing for our recent apartment move. We had accumulated a significant amount of crap since graduating college and entering the workforce. Much of which had sat idle in closets only seeing the light of day when it came time to move again.
Before our latest move we completed a purge resulting in two carloads being brought to GoodWill. 5 garbage bags full of clothes/shoes/etc and another carload of random stuff from linens to backpacks & duffel bags (we had more than a dozen!).
Bottom line, our stuff WAS owning us. We’re awake now. And we’re fighting back.
I like this Ben. Right now everything I own (well..have with me for at least a year) can literally be found in one suitcase. It’s a slightly scary feeling, but also very liberating to be free from all of the clutter.
.-= Glen Allsopp´s last blog ..ViperChill Monthly Report 4 (My 1st National Press) =-.
Hey Glen!
I agree man, it’s nice and light having everything you need for a long time in just a bag and suitcase.
Hey Ben!
Hehe, Fight Club is awesome!It’s true, we just keep collecting stuff in the idle hope that we will need it sometime in the future. Then 5 years go by and we haven’t touched or missed that stuff, so what is the point in even keeping it? It weighs the soul down
Great sum up. Fight Club has a lot of great concepts in it about life design and the plight of the corporate drone.
The Stiller movie you mention is incorrect though – ‘Along Came Polly’ is the one with the pillows .
Oddly enough, Nancy Griffith was on BBC morning TV talking about some new song she wrote about decluttering – based on her drummers experience of losing his suitcase on tour and happily managing to get by without it.
Rod
Hey Roderick!
Yeah it’s amazing how we think we need so much stuff but actually we need very little to get by!
Glad you liked the article! Did I really get the movie mixed up? I’ll have to watch it again, it has been a while ago
Diggy,
I agreed with your facebook point. I am currently reading through Tim Ferris’s updated 4 hour work week. In it he mentions an add-on of for FireFox. It’s called LEECHBLOCK. Check it out. Basically it prevents you from going to websites of your choice, for only an alloted time or prevents you from going to the sites at certain times of the day!
Check it out.
Vince
.-= Vince´s last blog ..Walker Silences Haters. =-.
Hey Vince!
Thanks for stopping by!
Yeah I’ve heard about it. The MAC has a similar program called Self Control. I haven’t tried it out but might just do that
Hi Diggy,
I enjoy how you wrapped up with an intangible (like FB) owning you — owning your time.
It comes down to what we value.
For example, if you were involved in a natural disaster, then returned to normalcy… would you hug your family & friends or would you hug your possessions?
Time management — do you want to spend it on FB or on your blog?
Thanks for the reminder — I will be conscious of how I spend my day
Til next time.
Hey Kim!
Glad to hear that you enjoyed the article! It’s exactly like that, at the end of the day you only have one amount of time, and would you rather spend it maintaining stuff or spend it doing the things you love and being with the ones that you love?
I hear you about Facebook. I’m trying to cut my time on FB, even considered deleting my account. BUT if I do, I’ll be out of the loop. So now I just go on FB only after checking off all my to-do list for the day.
It’s amazing how you were able to see a different light on Fight Club and There’s Something About Mary. Thanks for sharing.
.-= Ciawy´s last blog ..Girl Power Run =-.
Hey Ciawy!
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your point of view. I also still like to be in the loop and that is why I haven’t disabled my account entirely.
“Don’t just buy stuff you don’t even need because you are told to buy it or because other people are buying it.”
Brilliant.
How many folk do we know who say “I’m totally in control of my life, and I live it the way I want”, then flip because their iPod breaks and somebody spills coffee down their 250 dollar silk shirt?
This is a huge post. Perhaps being able to stay overseas helps in getting one tuned to knowing what one really need in life.
Most of the stuff left behind, we probably won’t miss.
Anyways, I haven’t watch Fight Club yet. Well, I had the perception of it being all about fighting—guess I was wrong.
After seeing some “easter egg” findings (hint: “who reads the warning announcement anyways”) and reading here about the part where the whole condo was blown up … I think I gotta watch this show.
—
With the end question that you’ve asked.
I don’t own anything huge this time. So, my maintenance is pretty much low. It’s only the bills that I’m worried about. Lol.
Hmm. You’ve ditched Facebook? Dang. But no worries.
.-= Daniel´s last blog ..5 Keys To Creating Any Profitable Business In Less Than 30 Days =-.
Hey Daniel!
Thanks for stopping by! You haven’t watched Fight Club yet? Man, you need to go and rent the DVD right away, you are missing out on history
Good to hear you’re not maintaining much so that leaves plenty of time to do what you love and spend time with your friends and family. As for Facebook, I still have my account and I’ll probably log in once a week but I’m not going to active on it at all.
Cheers!
Hi Diggy,
What you said totally make sense. Advertising really makes us try to work hard to buy what we don’t really need.
I don’t really own too many things that I would have headache managing it. However the iMac is a great temptation for me.
Cheers,
Vincent
.-= Vincent´s last blog ..Do You Make This Mistake? – Learn The Art Of Eliminating Negative Self Talk =-.
Heya Vincent!
Yeah I am also tempted by some things, right now I’m pretty tempted to get a big TV with stereo sound, they come in package deals and pretty cheap compared to a few years ago. Maybe when I make some good money I’ll do something crazy like that
Powerful, powerful stuff!
As much as I love Tyler Durden and Ben Stiller, I think Buddha beat them to the punch (haha). When we cling to our desires and possessions, we have that much more to worry and stress out about – fearing loss is the cause of our suffering. The less we need, the richer we are.
Excellent post! This is my first “post to tweet” of the day. Congratulations!
.-= Steven | The Emotion Machine´s last blog ..The Uses And Abuses Of Setting Deadlines =-.
Hey Steven!
Thanks for commenting! Buddha is also one of mhy favorite rolemodels. his wisdom is endless!
This is so true, that is why I have chosen to pursue not only a mobile lifestyle but build a mobile business. Thanks for the great post!
Hey Maren!
You’re welcome, glad to hear you enjoyed the post!
Hi Diggy!
I like this post. Specially these days where we spend so much money in nonsense. Me too, of course. I bought this wonderful card game for my three-months-trip and used it a total of zero-times.
Lucky me that I didn’t buy too much stuff and only travelled with 20 kg of belongings (including hand luggage) throughout my trip to Australia and Japan and guess what? I didn’t miss 80% of my stuff at home which I eventually should have thrown away when I got back…
Guess I will do that within the next weeks..thanks for the reminder
Best regards,
Andrés
Hi Diggy,
cool post. Possessions go under the heading of “beware of what you ask for…”.
I like Tim Ferriss’ nomadic approach, even though he can come off as a little too perfectionist/dbg-y about it all.
Are you on Twitter too by any chance?
@alexschleber
.-= AlexSchleber´s last blog ..Key excerpt on Decoy Pricing from: “TechCrunch: The Subplots Of The iPad” =-.
Hey Alex!
Thanks for stopping by:)
Yeah im on twitter, twitter.com/upgradereality
I like Tim Feriss’ approach too, he is a good rolemodel for me!
Great post Diggy!
Instead of focusing on all the external stuff, I’m trying to focus on myself instead both physically and mentally. After all, the only “thing” we have from birth to death is ourselves: our bodies and our minds.
I wrote on my blog about similar things some time ago. I bought a motorcycle couple years ago which was the single biggest purchase I had ever done, and it was ridiculous how huge space it reserved for itself in my thoughts.
I worried about whether or not it’s safe during night, I worried about gas prices, I worried about maintenance and insurance costs, I felt obliged to ride every weekend because it cost so much… That was an important lesson for me about not investing too much or becoming too attached to “stuff”.
Cheers,
Sami
Hey Sami,
Haha, Not to be rude but that made me laugh. It’s crazy how we can be worried about things that actually don’t really matter. All you can do is take the best precautions for you motorcycle (locked garage, service it, take care of it) and for the rest accept whatever happens. There is no point in wasting energy worrying about the future.
I love Tyler Durden.
You got the point. We seek possessions because we believe we will be happier in owning them. But in reality we can achieve happiness owning nothing. We must start to differentiate between using stuff (like your shoes, clothes and owning stuff (like your big car, your iPod Touch 16GB, everything you are proud of owning).
Our true identity lies behind all our stuff.
[...] You now own less. You’re getting the upper hand on your possessions. [...]