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Giving Value vs Taking Value |
Who would you be more inclined to talk to and get to know? :
Someone who seems interesting but you can sense that he wants something from you. It may be money or time or he may even be using you for his own personal gain.
OR
Someone who seems interesting, positive and energetic. Someone who shares his stories, successes or tips with you. Someone who will do things for you (help you out) without expecting anything in return.
I would choose the latter. I’m sure you would too.
“Give and you shall receive”:
This is an important principle that I refer to as value-giving or value-taking.
It is important in all areas of life (business,friendships,relationships) to be a value-giver. Have you heard the saying :
“Give and you shall receive” ?
When someone is out to take value, it automatically makes that person lower value than yourself. If he succeeds in taking value from you, it means he wins and you lose. That is why people avoid value-takers. That is why value-takers find it hard to make friends, have relationships and conduct great business deals. It is a win-lose situation.
Value-giving on the other hand is so much more pleasant. Someone who brings energy, ideas or resources to the party is always welcomed. People will open up to value-givers much easier. They will want to get to know them and maybe even become their friend, simply because they know that a value-giver will not take from them. They will stimulate you to bring out your best side. Often in return, you will want to do something back, sometimes in a much greater way than what you received. This is known as the process of reciprocity.
The Process of Reciprocity:
Let’s take this example:
It’s an insanely hot day, the sun is scorching the earth. You are driving on the freeway and get a flat tyre. You swerve over to the side so you can go ahead and replace it with the spare. You want to phone automobile assist, but what do you know, your cellphone battery is dead. You start changing the tyre, but then you notice the jack of your car is not working. Now what? You are stranded, cars are whizzing by, you have no cellphone and you cannot change your tyre. The nearest gas station is a good 8 miles out.
Then suddenly, a car swerves off the freeway and pulls over behind your car. A man in a business suit gets out, and asks if you need any help. You tell him your situation and ask if you can use his phone. He says “Of course, no problem, but you know what? I have a jack in my car, let me get it out and help you change your tyre, we’ll be done in less than 10 minutes. Then you can drive to the next garage yourself.”
The man takes off his suit jacket, gets out the jack from his own car, and helps you change your tyre. He wishes you a great day and wants to get back in his car, but you thank him and asks if he wants anything in return. He says no and tell him you’d like his card or contact number. He gives you this and then drives off.
This man went out of his way to help you, saved you a great deal of effort and trouble and asked nothing for it in return. If this was me, I would offer this guy a dinner at a restaurant of his choice, or help him out with his business or do something. Why? Just because I would feel that such an act of kindness deserves to be rewarded.
Why People Love Value-Givers:
This principle applies to many areas. If you want to make new friends, don’t be dependent on them to show you a good time. Show them a good time first and they will return the favour.
If you are in a relationship, don’t depend on the other person to make you happy. Don’t expect them to go out of their way to please you. Show them love, do things for them, go out of your way and make an incredible effort. Do these things without wanting anything in return, and you will find that the other person will want to return the favour.
If you want to make money, don’t interact with people purely so you can make a sale. Connect with someone and get to know them, make a relationship. Give value. People will gladly support someone who provides value and who is trustworthy.
Giving value to someone is a win-win relationship. They gain from it by having a positive influence and energy on their lives. Getting things without asking for them. Having a helping hand when they are most in need. You gain from it by having their trust, friendship and often the things they will do in return.
Another thing I have experienced about giving is that it feels really good. The fact that you made someone’s day better or put a smile on their face is worth a lot. Being able to share your knowledge or provide a helping hand without wanting anything back for it.
How You Can Apply This Principle:
What I would like you to do is to take note of your actions that you are going to do over the next couple days. Analyze if they are value-giving or value-taking. Change your value-taking actions to value-giving actions without expecting anything to get better. See what kind of responses you get.
Have a Rockin’ day
Diggy
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Giving is really underrated. I really think there’s a huge social/historical constraint behind this: we’ve been taught for years the financial security is important for our survival. We become dependent on that and our value hierarchies changed. Alas, we needed hundreds of years to understand that financial security does not guarantee our survival. You can perform really well on a financially insecure context and still survive, and, most important, have a hell of a time with your life. So I guess it’s time to understand that we’re interconnected and what we give will come back at some point. The bigger organism of which we are a part will take care of what he consider important for it: if you’re not contributed, you get rejection, but if you do contribute, you become important and protected.
Thanks, Diggy
.-= Dragos Roua´s last blog ..How to Overcome Frustration in 3 Easy Steps =-.
Heya Dragos!
Yes, this hoarding mentality that has been imprinted on our brains, the fear of not having enough. Many of us have much more than we need, and it would not hurt us to give some to others who need it more.
Just don’t make the mistake of giving with the intention of getting more in return. Give purely for the sake of giving and spreading joy.
Thanks for your awesome comment!
Hey Diggy,
What you say is very true, this is what happens when people often resort to wanting things and getting them on a short-term.
I work at a crisis phone line, and I can tell ya that most people who call us appreciate us for simply being there and not wanting anything back from them, and that feeling is simply the greatest. But there are some people who are just bitter, oh well better luck to them I guess
Anyways, thanks for the post:) Advice received
Steven – Have an explosive day Diggy!
.-= Steven´s last blog ..Comic Lesson #3 : Don’t Worry Too Much About the Future =-.
Hey Steven!
There are indeed always bitter ones, but sometimes, by being nice to them while they are bitter and rude You can achieve a total change. Genuinely wishing them a wonderful day and that things will get better can be enough to make them realize that they need to change their outlook on life.
Thanks for stopping by!
Hey Diggy, excellent article. This is also a tremendous tip in internet marketing and blogging, as so many people are focused on getting something from others instead of doing something.
.-= Oscar – freestyle mind´s last blog ..10,000 Euros/Month October Update =-.
Heya Oscar!
Thanks!!
It is indeed a big part of blogging and building a constructive community, giving value gets the readers to contribute in the form of comments and subscribing to latest posts.
Cheers!
One story that I’ve blogged about before is related to this exact principle.
Essentially a reader had emailed me after I’d been blogging a couple of months and asked me a few questions about the widgets I use, and how I made my template look a certain way.
I responded with a couple of hours, answered all the questions and mentioned that he could either edit his templates manually or use the Thesis WordPress theme that I use. I linked to Thesis with an affiliate link and clearly stated I’d get commission for the sale.
Not only did the reader purchase Thesis through the link, giving me $28 he posted on the support forums to make sure I received it.
That’s pretty amazing to me.
.-= David Turnbull´s last blog ..How I Write, My Blogging Process =-.
Heya David!
That is a perfect example of what the post is about. By being upfront and honest about the affiliate link, and by helping your reader sort out his blog issue, he was more than happy to return the favor by making sure you got your commission.
Thanks for stopping by
Really like this post Diggy.
Life is very different when it’s about how we can help others vs ourselves.
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Positive influences =-.
Heya Jen!
Thanks for stopping by!
This message all sounds really familiar…
Great post, Diggy. One thing I would add is the whole “overflowing fountain of value” theory – you can keep on giving infinite value, because you don’t need anyone to reciprocate in order for you to express your value.
If you only give value because you want people to give value back to you, you’re still being a value taker. You can only give if you’re giving without an agenda.
.-= bretthimself´s last blog ..First Video Post! =-.
Hey Brett!
You are totally right. Do not give with the intention of expecting something in return. Give purely to make someone else’s life better.
Thanks for stopping by!
Consider getting an avatar at http://www.gravatar.com
Followed your advice and just got one, man.
Have a good one!
.-= bretthimself´s last blog ..Everything Points to One Thing: Action =-.
Very good stuff here Diggy. Giving value is absolutely essential for success in life because usually in life and/or business, it involves other people. I try to do that with my blog.
It really is as simple as you get what you give. Give away that which what you want.
Thanks for this great post!
Cheers,
Dayne
.-= Dayne | TheHappySelf.com´s last blog ..How To Love The Things You Hate =-.
Heya Dayne!
Thanks for stopping by! You are definitely doing that with your blog, especially with your awesome ebook that you gave away for free recently.
Keep it up and you will build a fantastic community
“Give and you shall receive” – this is quite possibly one of the most important universal truths out there. If you are constantly seeking to genuinely provide value others, rather than seeking help from them, good things will happen. Simple as that.
Thanks for the post!
.-= Sean´s last blog ..A Recipe to a Life of Action =-.
Hey Sean!
You’re welcome
I agree. An ancient wisdom that contains much truth. Sometimes it’s easy to forget about it and just think about “I”.
Have an awesome week!
Aside from the value another receives, my experience is that the giver of value also receives a pretty cool feeling. I think people are starting to see this more and you’ll see more people giving.
.-= brian papa´s last blog ..Your Daily Horoscope — Perfected. =-.
Hey Papa!
Love your avatar
Totally agreed, it feels good to give!
Have an awesome day!
Give twice every time you receive once. That’s my motto. Awesome post!
.-= Monica O’Brien´s last blog ..Free content sells. We get it. What’s next? =-.
Hey Monica
Thanks for stopping by!
Nice motto you have, if more people had it the world sure would be a better place
I like your thinking here. Value is a touchy subject, as most of what we do has some deep down motive for getting something back. You continue to challenge your readers!
.-= Nate´s last blog ..be you =-.
Heya Nate
How you doing man?
Thanks for stopping by
Spot on, Diggy.
Actually had a similar situation to your tire example – pouring rain outside and my car ran out of gas in the middle of the road. I know, I know, dumb me. Anyway, somebody pulled over, drove me to the gas station and then back to my car, without asking for anything in return. That kind of kindness is so genuine and rare in today’s world, it was a refreshing experience.
Great post! Thanks for sharing.
.-= Alan´s last blog ..Sunday Sandbox #4: Indian Food Around The World =-.
Hi Alan!
I have luckily never experienced being out of gas, always try to keep my tank half-full.
Glad you got someone to help you out and I’m sure you will do the same for someone else sometime 
Cheers!
Hey Diggy. Thanks for these tips. Giving value to the world should be a rule before taking value out of the world.
It is like asking soil to give you crops before you have watered the soil, giving the soil nutritious fertilizer, planting the soft soil into a spot where proper sunlight is shine beams on the soil.
Oh yeah, I forgot, also making sure you pet the soil sometimes to make it firm.
This way, the soil will be happy and give back to you delicious fruits and vegetables to eat.
.-= Tristan Lee´s last blog ..The Illusion of Success =-.
Heya Tristan!!
Wow, thanks for your comment, it made me smile
Have an awesome day!!
I love it diggy. I make it a priority to volunteer a few times a week and it does wonders in placed I never think about…I’m pretty sure giving is one of the sole purposes I’m on this planet. It’s an intrinsic way of getting, but if you’re not focused on the receiving but instead on the giving…things just fall into place. Thanks for the focus here….and hey…if you need anything…shoot me an e-mail heh.
.-= Robert´s last blog ..Results | Outsourcing and Automation in Freelance =-.
Hey Robert!
Well said, things fall into place
I think it’s great that you are doing volunteer work. Personally I want to make a big difference in the world, we are all polluting it so much
Thanks for stopping by
ripples
Ripples ?
I’m not sure what that means Char
what we give ripples out to others and eventually back to us…
“throw one’s bread amongst the waters”
karma
Hey Diggy! Nice article you got here.
“Don’t expect them to go out of their way to please you.”
This reminds me of something. There are people who just stay miserable because they are not happy that people are not going out of their way to please them.
As you had mentioned, when you give first instead of just waiting to receive, you will start to receive abundance in what ever you are seeking.
In this case, instead of waiting for others to make us happy, we should be happy ourselves and go out there to make others happier. This strategy will definitely help us to receive more happiness as compared to waiting for others to make us happy. Nice article buddy!
Cheers,
Vincent
.-= Vincent´s last blog ..Why Bankers Only Lend Money To The Rich? =-.
Heya Vincent!!
That is totally the point I tried to bring across in the article. Give first, and it will start coming back to you. First you have to plant the seed before you can expect to harvest fruits.
Thanks for stopping by
I thought about this and decided to give everything on my website for free.
I want to help people, if they succeed with my help they can donate.
I do coaching for free as well
.
A lot of people lie ot themselves when they try to help people and then put a price on it.
It’s like I’ll be your friend but pay me $200. I’m helping you right?
I decided not to lie to myself and I decided to just do everything for free.
Good post
.-= Mac´s last blog ..How I Made $4,200 in 1 Day Playing Online Poker… =-.
Hey Mac
Thanks for stopping by. Yeah friendship should be free and selfless. If it starts wit expectations and a price, then it puts a damper on things quite quickly.
Cheers!
Hey Diggy, good post.
I think that like you say, when you focus on giving value it feels great! If you give and give and give you will eventually receive…but you should not give with the intention to get something in return.
However, I think it is important to note that it is not a bad thing to receive value from someone who wants to give it…It is just important that one knows the distinction between “receiving” and “taking.” Also if you do receive, do it with genuine gratitude, and then go on creating and giving value to the world in whatever way you can.
Thanks for the post Diggy.
Ross
.-= Ross welte´s last blog ..Getting Below the Surface of “Me” =-.
Hey Ross
You are right. If you give with the intention of getting something back, you are still placing expectations and thus taking value.
Giving should be done purely to make someone else better without expecting them to do anything back
Thanks for stopping by
Great post Diggy,
I have always resonated with Covey’s idea of the emotional bank account – that when you do something positive for another person it is like making a deposit into their emotional bank account, and vice versa. If you have deposited a lot into the account of a certain relationship, then if something goes wrong in the future, there is savings there to pull from. The relationship will have a better chance of surviving because of all the positive deposits you’ve made in the past.
.-= Carmen´s last blog ..the Nu Nomad – Long Awaited Location Independent How-To Guide is Now Available =-.
Great advice. I am amazed at how many people don’t understand this basic concept.
Why should anyone want to help you if you haven’t at least made a solid effort to contribute first?
If you want attention from other bloggers then comment, promote and support FIRST. Then you will find an avalanche of reciprocity.
.-= John Bardos – JetSetCitizen´s last blog ..Review of the fantastic book, Juggle: Rethink Work, Reclaim Your Life =-.
Beautiful! beautiful ! post you have created here.. the whole concept of give and take is so simple yet complicated for those who don’t understand how it works it ….. your post has however given some great examples of how this wonderful universal principle works … thanks for sharing.
.-= Fatibony´s last blog ..Setting Goals, Monday to Friday with @ Fatibony =-.
Heya!!!
Welcome to Upgradereality!
Glad to have you as a reader
Nice to hear you enjoyed the post!
Cheers!
If everyone was into helping meet other people’s needs, no one would be needy. Awesome post and a very big idea. Thanks and be blessed!
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Grace =-.
Heya Erin!
Welcome to Upgradereality
Thanks for the kind comment!
See you next time
I love the give and you shall receive part. I really does work.
.-= Ralph´s last blog ..The 3 A.M. Experiment Part 2: From Experiment to Lifestyle =-.