For Girls Only – What Men Want

This is a special post for girls only, based on a request from a reader.



What Men Want





Some guys like quiet, submissive girls. Others like loud and dominant girls.

Every guy has his own preferences what he looks for in a girl, but here are common factors that (most) guys like and dislike about girls.

Guys Are Logical

When we say something is red, then it’s red. When we say something is on the top shelf in the left cupboard, then that is where you should look.

When you tell a guy something he rationalizes it in his mind. He weighs out pro’s and cons and tries to deduct the consequences of it with logic.

If you make statements or start arguments based on your opinion without any clear facts to back it up, guys get annoyed. If you want to win an argument from a guy very easily, prove him wrong with facts that cannot be denied and he will shut up faster than you can blink.

Guys Say What They Mean

Our words directly describe what we think and how we feel.

If a guy says “I’m fine”, then usually it means that he is fine and feeling okay. Seriously.
If a guy says “maybe” it might be yes or it might be no. It does not have to be ‘no’.

Guys Hate Indecisiveness

We hate uncertainty and not knowing what is happening. Guys like to make plans and stick to them (even though we can change them at the last minute).

Guys like to lead and make decisions, and it’s perfectly okay for you to let us do that. What is not okay is when you are completely indecisive all the time. Just make a decision, left or right, stay in or go out etc.

You either want it or you don’t. Decide which it is and don’t switch back and forth all the time.

Guys Want To Be Proud Of Their Girl

When a guy is out with his girl, he wants to be proud of her. He wants to walk tall with his chest out and show the world what an amazing girl is walking next to him.

Don’t try to be perfect and live up to a photo-shopped image of beauty from a Cosmo. Be yourself but carry yourself like a lady, take care of your appearance and take pride in your body.

Guys Want To Know You Like Them

I’ve had some girls who were nice and flirty with me, but I never really knew if they liked me in that way or not. I’ve gone out with girls for a while who actually never told me they liked me and complimented me (but they were dating me so I assumed they did). I didn’t like that at all.

Guys like it when you tell them you like them.

Guys Like Confidence

There’s nothing like a confident girl. She’s just so much more attractive.

It has to do with the fact that we hate indecisiveness. When a girl knows what she wants and is not scared to go for it, that is a huge turn-on.

There is of course a difference between confidence and arrogance, and arrogant is something that you don’t want to be.

Confidence in the bedroom is just as important. When you are too shy to take off your top, or walk around naked or do it with the lights on, guys lower their perception of you. It’s like “We both know we like each other and want each other, what do you have to be shy about?”

Guys Love Sex

Duh! You know that already.

Personally I think that girls love sex even more than guys, but that guys are far more open and forward about it.

A really big part of a relationship with a girl is sex. Being able to do it all the time, when you want and where you want. As a girl you may think that the guy is just using you for sex or just wants to be on top of you all the time, but actually he just really likes you.

For guys, liking a girl and wanting to have sex with her all the time is pretty much the same thing.

Guys Hate You Being Late

It is incredibly annoying when you say you’ll be somewhere at 8pm and only rock up at 8.30 or later (because you still had to do your makeup or something).

We don’t mind if you do that occasionally, because everyone is late sometimes. But…

Most of the time, when you say you will be somewhere at a certain time, be there and not 10 or 30 minutes later. If you know that it’s going to take you an extra hour to do your makeup then just say that you will be there at 9 and not at 8. Easy!:)

Guys Hate It When You Talk About Your Ex

Seriously. It’s okay to mention it once when you get to know each other, but then don’t bring him up again.

Never ever talk about the things you used to do in bed with your ex. Biggest turn-off ever.

Do please let us know if you have a psycho-stalker ex who could potentially show up in the middle of the knight yielding a giant chainsaw.

Guys Are Not Your Therapist

If you have drama and emotional stories, we don’t want to be a part of it. That is what your girlfriends are for.

Of course if you have a serious dilemma, we are always here for you. We will try to help logically, but we will not sit there for hours while you spill out all the gossip about your entire work/school/ex friends etc.

I must add that some guys will happily listen to your drama because they think that will get you to like them. That is weak on the guy’s behalf.

In general, please don’t use guys as your therapist if they do not hold a degree in psychotherapy or counseling.

Guys Love Girls

Most guys really love girls.

Personally I love the femininity, the girlishness, the way you walk and how you smell.

Like I said, everyone has different tastes. You should not try to change who you are, because there is a guy out there who will adore you for who you are.

Just be the best person that you can be. Take care of your body, take pride in your appearance. Follow your heart and never stop learning.

Thank you for being you!

  • http://dbakeca.com Dbakeca Italia

    interesting

  • http://dbakeca.com Dbakeca Italia

    interesting

  • http://www.somethingshortandsnappy.blogspot.ca/ CleverNamePending

    Actually studies show that brain-wise men and women are basically identical and that gender is largely a construct of our societal surroundings. Seriously, “masculine” and “feminine” don’t mean the same thing from one country to the next. Men and women are not monoliths, they’re individuals who vary greatly and that variance doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their gender. Better advice would be “Treat them like a person and ask how they respond to different communication styles” because everyone is different and our genitals don’t dictate these things. This article is as problematic as it is patronizing.

  • http://www.somethingshortandsnappy.blogspot.ca/ CleverNamePending

    Actually studies show that brain-wise men and women are basically identical and that gender is largely a construct of our societal surroundings. Seriously, “masculine” and “feminine” don’t mean the same thing from one country to the next. Men and women are not monoliths, they’re individuals who vary greatly and that variance doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with their gender. Better advice would be “Treat them like a person and ask how they respond to different communication styles” because everyone is different and our genitals don’t dictate these things. This article is as problematic as it is patronizing.

  • Fabiola

    Huh, I wonder if I really am a girl ??
    Well, I am pretty sure I am a girl, but this description of “how a guy thinks and acts” really fits to me. And I am sure there are more girls who always try to “argue logically” or think “logically”, as you say guys do. And I bet there are also a lot of girls who don’t like their guys beeing late. In my opinion, the type of girl who is descriped by you is a really stereotype one. Please, not every girl is indecisive, not in time or is always talking about her ex. And I can tell you, that a girl really has the same needs as this guy who is descriped in here. We also want to show everyone our pretty boyfriend, while we are walking in town and we do not like it to talk about your ex girlfriends!

    I think these advices should not be taken too seriously, girls. These points are on the one hand usual needs from every partner in a relationship, or on the other hand special needs from the author. You have to underline, that everybodys’ wishes from the partner are different.

  • Laureen

    I beg to disagree! I am a women and i do really know what i really feel in terms of relationship. Not all the girls wants a sex.

    Girls wants in a relationship to be feel more special and to feel that they take care of by the man that they love.

  • rc

    If you can’t spell correctly and/or use the correct grammar your validity is quickly thrown out the window. Next time get someone to proof read your material.

  • Crissie11

    I have to say I’m a little upset. My boyfriend isn’t like this, to be honest the modern man is sweet and shows he cares by listening and would do everything and anything to make his girlfriend happy. What you described is what a dickhead looks for in a woman. A relationship is a lot of work and if the man is brushing his girl off and just using her for sex then it will be a very unstable relationship. No woman wants to be treated like a dog. Why do you have to categorise men like this. I know plenty of guys who would rather get to know the girl before getting too serious and have sex on the first date or even the first year of their relationship.
    Good thing girls like me have standards and would never date men that think that way. Although its horrible to think how many women would actually fall into this ‘trap’ and get hurt by guys like this.
    I hope you don’t still think this way and that you’ve grown up and got your head out of you’re ass, cause if you want a high caliber girl, you need to be a top ten guy.

  • tisha

    I like most of your points.
    Though I have to disagree with the first one. I don’t think guys are logical. They like to think they are, they don’t want to be wrong, but doesn’t necessarily mean they are logical. I have known a couple of guys, my father included, that won’t back down, twist logic, shift goal post, make up their up definition, just basically use a whole bunch of logical fallacies just so they can “win”. And before you say “well maybe that’s just how you feel about them?”, no, it’s not just me who feel like that about those people I am talking about, people around them say the same thing.
    I think it’s an ego thing, and I notice that guys do it a lot more than girls, at least the guys that I know anyway.

  • A guy

    Uhhhhh this is such a personal blog post you have written up there’s no way it applies to majority of guys XD

    • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

      Well everyone’s different, but there we have many common needs.

  • random lily

    so you say that we might think that a guy only wants to use us for sex but the truth is he actually like us. Can you tell me what’s going on with this situation. I was in a shaky relationship and we got kids but we are not married. I have an ex from college who I ran across after 8 years. he asked for my number and started calling. He wanted to see me and we ended up having sex. after several times we’ve had sex finally he said, we cant continue anymore. so I let him go.
    after 2 years we meet again. We ended up having sex again. after doing it once…he suddenly became silent. I just found out he’s got a new girlfriend. I don’t know why he keeps coming back and keeps running away. i don’t understand that. And yeah, I half knew that he was only using me as filler, but was kinda hoping he really wanted me but he just cant be with me because I got kids and their dad don’t wanna let me go. I just wanna hear what you guys think.

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Only you know if you are good enough. Never believe what other people tell you about yourself. You have to make up your own mind. Their opinions are irrelevant. Maybe this will help: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jB-M9lBBEKY (Am I following My heart and Am I Chasing It from youtube.com/UpgradeRealityTV)

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Hi Doc.,
    Thanks for your insight. There are whole articles in what you say. You are 100% right in that being yourself is the only way and then you don’t need the rules because you are writing the rules and your rules automatically allow space for those around you because you have no insecurities.
    Where rules come in handy is when you are not your perfect self. If you are perfectly rested, completely unstressed, have plenty of money, no deadlines and are working out of pure joy on your life’s masterpiece, then discard the above, that advice is not for you. However when you are having a less than perfect day in any way, it helps to have a few guidelines to keep you on track, make life easier, and speed you on your journey.
    I love your comment because it allows me to clarify things in my mind. If you disagree with anything I’ve said, push me, push me, push me until I understand.
    Thank you,
    R

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Hi Curious,
    I suspect that it has something to do with evolution, natural selection, etc because this is a wide spread phenomenon. David Attenborough’s Life Stories mentions that men are designed to hunt and this is a deep instinct that encourages a strong need to chase and collect. So why isn’t every many simply going through a set of one night stands? Well one contributor might be that our hormone levels change when in a good relationship (the affect wears off somewhat over time).

  • Lilly

    My MUM was always the person I turned to when I needed something. It was her advice I counted on, and her that I talked to about my most needful things. She died 3 months ago, and at first I was so lost without her I did not think I could function. But then I found the win ex back spell relationship therapist. He has filled that empty hole in my heart from the loss of my mother. I can turn to him for relationship and spiritual advice. He is always available and he always cares. . Even better, I finally asked him to perform a love spell on me, and it worked!! I met a man who had also experienced a great loss and we were able to become close friends and provide support to each other. We have fallen in love and my life could now be better. Thank you, relationship therapist oniha for helping me through the worst times of my life, for being such a great spell therapist, and for giving me a love spell that has brought me so much joy. If you doubt his ability, trust me. You should take a chance. It pays off in ways you could never even imagine. email him at winexbackspell@gmail.com

  • Apon_py

    awesome……..

  • Humsterific

    Hi Diggy,

    I enjoyed your post and personal insights on male species. I’d like to tell females to read with an open mind. It’s a fun article and there’s really no need to be argumentative and all. By the way, men hate argumentative women too you know. I like your style of writing, may I seek your permission to link your blogpage as one of my favourite blogs?

    • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

      Absolutely. Love links and getting the message out. Life’s too short for arguments anyway. Challenges and counterpoints are different because they make the open mind work hard and grow…

  • Rob

    If I may humbly contribute five thoughts of mine…

    After reading this article (I do like this article, btw):

    1. Us guys think it’s a joke that women give other women advice about us. We’re not that complicated, so just ask us about us. We’ll be so impressed, we’ll be honest for at least the first 5 questions you ask. I mean really, don’t you have a father/brother/coworker/etc.??? It’s like this, would you want to learn how to speak French from a person who is French, or from someone who is English and learned to speak French, but just earlier than you? Think about it; more of that logic we’re famous or infamous for. I have heard conversations between women, and silently tried not to bust a gut, about how they had all convinced themselves of their own erroneous BS about men. What a recipe for disaster.

    2. Guys and gals are the same in this; we don’t want to be taken advantage of, any more than women do. This is truly one of those “we think alike” situations. Take a deep breath and ask yourself… Am I really treating this guy fairly? REALLY? If so, your guy will be very happy. If not, try to be your best and he’ll still be very happy. Guys can handle being a bit taken advantage of, as long as it’s reasonable.

    3. I read the comment here about playing hard to get… you won’t get a good man that way. We see thru it, and it erodes confidence that the relationship will end up meaningful. It’s like this, would you really want a doctor to offer you a lollypop, just before major surgery? It’s only appropriate for a casual office visit, not a serious situation with long term repercussions. So, is your relationship goal a casual office visit, or an operation to join together two souls.

    4. Us guys will make you pay for when you give us the silent treatment. Probably later than sooner, so we can revel in the thought of it for a while. Of course, a good man will never resort to physical abuse, but he’ll mess with your mind to get back at you. I’ve done it for this reason, and I’m not sorry about it. Maybe you won’t appreciate that, but you’re getting an honest bit of feedback here. Even if we have to screw you over in the next life. No matter how good a man is, he won’t let you get away with it for very long. And… it’s one of those things that doesn’t get forgiven and doesn’t get forgotten. Mostly, men forgive and/or forget just about everything else, except just as women do, an egregious violation of #2 above fits into the ‘not forgiven nor forgotten’ category. We understand if women need a respite from communication, but a friend of mine has a rule “don’t go to bed mad”, so try to reestablish communication before you go to sleep.

    5. Don’t exclude men from a discussion, claiming it to be for ‘women only’. Come on, listen to yourself and re-read the statement posted at the head of this article, “this is a special post for girls only” AND it’s published on the web for all to see. Now that’s just retarded in contradiction. Plus, we’re all special AND we’re all commonly alike, at the same time. Doesn’t make sense? Well… I don’t have all of the answers. It’s the human condition. It’s just life.

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Everyone is different, but there are common themes. To be absolutely correct, we would need to say not [quite] all men, but also not all of the time.
    I am doing some research at the moment on hormones. There is lots about women, but do you know hormonal levels change through the day and that being in a relationship changes the level of hormones people have on average (then the effect it wears off after a while!!) interesting stuff. How people react also depends on how they are feeling (hormones are only one aspect) so you would need to include base disposition, background, belief system, level of current pain, hunger, etc,etc …
    So while [let's say most] men have tenancies to the above, it changes through the day, month, relationship status as well as how they are feeling, what the weather is like, etc. Despite this, the above is a good place to start.
    Ramon

  • http://www.upgradereality.com Diggy

    Do what all women do, play hard to get :)

  • Leigh

    Hi Diggy!

    I know I’m a few months late posting a comment. I had to do my make-up!;) I enjoyed your post and the matter-of-fact way in which you’ve written it. I have a website for single women and the tip about guys meaning what they say is something I always stress in my articles. Not understanding this tip can lead to a lot of misunderstandings between women and men. I will recommend this article to my readers and I look forward to future posts on this topic.

    Leigh

  • Jennifer

    Hey Diggy,

    I really enjoyed this article. I can’t say that I disagree with anything that you have said, I think that women should take a look at it and not see what’s wrong with it just that men and women tend to view things differently, as we should. I would also like to add that men like women with a good sense of humor, don’t take everything serious and personal.

    I don’t really understand why women would want to talk about their ex to their new partner, what is there really to say. No need to compare the two or put the other down if you have truly moved on. I would also like to add don’t constantly judge his friends or spend your time trying to change him.

    I also think that while men can’t stand their woman flirting with other men, they love it their woman flirts with them.

    Just found your site and I am enjoying it.

    Jenn

    • Diggy

      Hey Jennifer!

      Thanks for the cool comment and happy to hear that you are enjoying my blog!

      I love how open-minded you are about the concept. Yeah guys love it when their girl flirts with them, just as the girl loves it when her man flirts with her.

      Have a beautiful day!

  • Lisa

    I loved this article. Two points that stood out for me – the first being guys like confident women. I think that’s HUGE. Confidence is the best cosmetic and makes up for a lot of flaws.
    The second one is guys like girls. Obvious yes, but still worth noting. I recently wrote an article for my ladies about loving all things men.

    You have a great blog. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

    • Diggy

      Hey Lisa,
      You’re totally welcome, you have a very cool blog too!
      Thanks for stopping by :)

  • Pingback: Writing On The Webb | Ophelias Webb

  • Feeby Spirit

    Love this and I’m inclined to agree on several points especially “Guys Are Not Your Therapist.” I think it’s very true.

    I’m a young soul and even after two years I still feel like a new wife but I’ve learned something. Yes, he wants to be there for me but as my baggage, health complaints, and non-optimism go… well, he still wants to be there but he gets so frustrated knowing he can’t do anything about it. When I get so down sometimes it causes problems, not because he doesn’t love me but because he just can’t do anything and it makes him feel just as bad- he just shows this differently than I do.

    Likewise, while my negativity causes friction between us when I’m doing good, smiling, and finding things I enjoy about life I notice he’s similarly happy. It’s subtle and he doesn’t outright say it but it really makes a difference.

    More so, I like your point “Guys Want To Be Proud Of Their Girl.” Not enough girls realize this I think. When I was first coming out of my year long depression I sought things to fill my time, one of those things being volunteer work. I didn’t tell him at first because I was still trying to make sense of certain things and then when it came time I felt horrible for not telling him right away- but when I did tell him, he was so happy. So, so amazingly happy that I’d finally confronted my issues head-on and found a positive way to work through them. Now he tells everyone about how his wife is a volunteer for such and such.

    Lastly, via “Personally I think that girls love sex even more than guys…” on “Guys Love Sex”. So true. ;)

    Great post. I really enjoy your point of view on things- very refreshing.

  • David @ Excellence Daily

    Hi Diggy,

    Your article is spot-on, and I have to say the women shouldn’t be disagreeing since this was written from a guys point of view. You succinctly summarized what scores of us wish we could tell women. Good job!

  • http://www.thebridgemaker.com Alex Blackwell

    After 25 years of marriage, this article is spot on Diggy.

    My wife loves it when I show confidence. This is the first step to intimacy because she knows I’m in a good place to receive it.

    Alex

    • Diggy

      Hey Alex,
      Wow, 25 years, congrats! That is a big achievement!

      Thanks for stopping by and happy to hear that you enjoyed my article!

  • http://amydoucette.wordpress.com/ Amy

    Hey Diggy, this is the first time to your blog and I must say. I really enjoyed this post! It’s so true on so many levels. I am a very independent, mature and self respecting girl. But I have to say, I love it when my boyfriend wants to show me off and is proud to call me his girl. I show him off too. We respect and care for each other, that’s good enough for me. And he HATES it when I’m indecisive. That part made me giggle a little bit :) Well done. I’m excited to see what you do for What Men Need to Know about Women!!

    • Diggy

      Heya Amy!

      Thank you and welcome to Upgradereality:)

      Yeah I agree, I love it when I can show my girl off, and I want to be the guy that she loves to show off too. As for the post about women, I’m going to have to do a lot of thinking about that one because I’m not sure I understand women enough to be able to write an instruction-manual for how to handle them :)

  • http://www.opheliaswebb.com Elisa

    I’m always interested in these types of posts, and the comments afterwards. Most interesting is the women who jump all over a guy for stating his opinion on dating and what he looks for in a girlfriend/partner/etc. Accuse him of misogyny and perpetuating stereotypes. But if they flipped it around and were asked to create the same list, how many things would they mimic in their own post?

    I will say, though, as a girl with more close guy friends than girls, that some of that same stuff you list as a potential “negative” is also a positive. For example, my guy friends love their girlfriends/wives because they can let go and not have to make decisions and be “logical” all the time. Sometimes you just want to bitch about your boss or love your favorite sports team without logical cause. You don’t want to explain the reasons why or recite stats. You just want to relish in the pure emotion of it all (the wheelhouse of most girls.) And while a confident girl is a turn-on for most of them, there’s also something ridiculously endearing about a girlfriend/wife calling them sobbing because she got a flat or having a bad day and curling up in that little nook beside them where the right person fits perfectly.

    The problem isn’t so much that the opinions are wrong, it’s that (as you state at the end) nothing is finite and resolute in relationships. The thing that drives you crazy one day might be the same thing that drives you crazy the next.

    As for the appearance thing, a girl is flat out LYING to you if she says she doesn’t care about those things in a man. I can’t tell you how many girl friends I know bitch about ratty t-shirts, or wearing sweatpants out in public, or the ever popular “did you take a shower today” argument. As for boys looking nice, during the last playoff series for the Red Sox I was sitting in the open window of the Bell in Hand tavern in Boston (they have these huge windows that open onto the street so you can actually sit in them) and some cute Red Sox fans walked by. I turned my head to watch them walk past and fell out the window onto the sidewalk.

    Yes. That happened. To a girl.

    • Diggy

      Hey Elisa!

      Thanks for your awesome comment!
      yeah I was thinking about writing a post on the topic of judging vs doing. It’s so easy to say something nasty, but unless you are better than the person and you can actually create something better or do something more efficiently, I think people should keep their mouths shut :)

      Of course looks matter for girls too. I just think that ugly guys can get a pretty girl much easier than an ugly girl can get good-looking guys. That’s just the male-female dynamic.

      A girl should be girly, and the guy should be the more confident and dominant one, but it’s nice if the girl can take care of her own things for the most part too. It’s a fine balance, but I think you know what I’m getting at:)

      Thanks again for the awesome post!!!
      Cheers
      Diggy

  • Parker Lee

    Diggy. I’m loving this guide and as someone who specializes in this stuff, for the most part I agree.

    I think some of your hints were meant more as jokes? with a bit of truth.. ha ha

    Hope you’re doing well buddy.

    –Parker

    • Diggy

      Hey Parker,
      Thanks bro. Yeah kinda joking kinda serious if you know what I mean:)

      I’m doing awesome! Have a great weekend!

  • http://www.edgeofdavid.com Edge of David

    All points I can get on board with. My short list of what men want and need in a woman:

    1) Beauty
    2) Sexually compatible
    3) Fun, adventurous, outgoing etc
    4) Nurturing
    5) Youthful nature

    • Diggy

      Totally agree with you David!
      The essence of a woman is her femininity and her nurturing energy, which is what a man really wants. In return the man provides the woman with his masculine and dominant energy, filled with confidence and initiative.

  • Stephanie

    LOL. I am gonna be that woman who disagrees.

    This is an instruction manual straight out of Cosmo, for how to be in the perfect patriarchial relationship.

    A guy that wants to have sex all the time (excuse me, whenever HE wants it, to quote you) and doesn’t want me to talk about my life sounds pretty awesome.

    Do I have permission, sir, to still be friends with my ex? What if he is still in my life, and still important to me? Should I just pretend he doesn’t exist so your wittle ego doesn’t get bruised?? What if he did some super awesome thing in bed that I want you to do? Am I allowed, sir, to ask for it?

    Sorry to be snarky, but honestly I would never date the man described in this article. To me it translates to ‘shut your pie hole, unless you are complimenting me, and open your legs.’

    • Diggy

      Hey Stephanie,
      Cool, thanks for sharing your opinion. Always appreciated!

      It’s not meant to be an instruction manual, more of an insight into how guys think. As I said everyone is different, but I can tell you that most guys will think along the same lines as what I mentioned.

      That doesn’t mean you should act exactly like this, there is obviously much more to a relationship and interaction with a girl than what I said.

      In my experience, when in a good relationship it is usually the girl who wants to have much more sex all the time than the guy. But it’s a mutual thing, you’re both there to please each other.

      The ex thing is not about the ego. Sure you can still be friends with your ex, but the majority of the time while you are just his friend, he will still jump at the chance to get you back any second, even if that means destroying your current relationship. Trust me, 99% of guys are like that.

      You say you would never date the man in this article, but I can tell you that most guys you have dated are like this. They may not be as picky and choosy, or they may not speak their mind as much, but these are the basic needs and wants of a guy in a girl.

      I really believe that a relationship should be open and honest, meaning that you can tell each other about everything. I don’t believe in controlling the other person at all, you should both be free to do whatever, whenever, but you choose to not do certain things because you want to be with each other.

      I hope this gives you a bit of a different view on my article:)
      Cheers
      Diggy

      • Stephanie

        Heh. Yes, I agree that most of the guys I’ve dated are like this. That doesn’t mean I have to like it or accept it, and it doesn’t mean I can’t challenge them to be better. I don’t want to date someone who gets jealous and angry if I talk about an ex, and I don’t want to date someone who sees me as a status symbol (i.e. puffs out his chest and shows off his amazing girl). I would prefer someone who loves me simply & openly, and who trusts me, regardless of who is around.

      • Europa

        While I mostly agree with your generalization/viewpoint, you should have written it as such, rather than fact. Also, when you state a specific number, like 99% of men without giving a scientific source, you lose some credibility with me. It was a long time ago, but I’ve read many times that 99% is the exact percentage that tends to be given by people with strong viewpoints and little to actually back it up. It doesn’t hold up well to scrutiny. -Lastly, simply stating that men are simple is very wrong when it comes to my relationship needs.

    • http://www.coupleoncouples.com Graeme

      Hi Stephanie,

      Diggy didn’t actually say anything about not being friends with your ex. My girlfriend is actually best friends with her ex, and although it’s not the most comfortable thing in the world for me, it’s not that much of a problem, because my girlfriend know what Diggy IS talking about. Which is don’t bring the ex up. Don’t talk about things you used to do in bed, don’t speak to him on the phone while your boyfriend is right there, don’t blow your boyfriend off in order to be with your ex. In order words, common sense says that there will be jealousy there, and you’ve got to watch out for that. Just like you wouldn’t want a guy who hangs out with his ex all the time! This isn’t a gender thing, it’s a relationship thing.

      Excuse me for being so blunt here, but it sounds to me like you’re a college student who hasn’t been in a very serious long-term relationship (a few years of living together). After you’ve been through that and considered raising kids with a guy, come back and say that you don’t want a guy who has qualities like being logical, decisive, says what he means, is sexual attracted to you, and so on.

      For now, enjoy your Gender and Women’s Studies class and hanging out with wimpy guys who you will never really trust.

      • Stephanie

        Graeme,

        I am actually a 34-year old married swinger. We swing because I have never met a man who could keep up with my sex drive. I’ve also never taken a woman’s studies class – by just being a woman who enjoys and seeks out sex, you learn everything you ever need to know about patriarchy.

        This idea of not talking about your ex is silly petty jealousy. Your solution of ‘just don’t talk about it,’ is immature. If my husband or I start feeling jealous, we TALK about why we feel that way. We figure out together what is and is not working for us. It isn’t always easy, and it isn’t always pretty, but it is honest, and we always know where we stand with the other.

        • Europa

          These are obviously generalizations. As a “swinger”, you obviously fall outside the norm and have no more reason to be on this page than a dominatrix looking for a boyfriend. Unless you go overboard, jealousy isn’t petty, it’s a Darwinian adaption. If a man lets his woman stray too far, he won’t sire many children. If a woman lets her man stray, she might not have his help with childcare. -I must note that the last few sentences are my extrapolations and opinion, but I doubt it would take me much research to prove many people educated in that field agree.

      • http://www.coupleoncouples.com Graeme

        Hey Stephanie,

        Haha, well I apologize then! I run a relationship website actually, and I get a ton of feminists rants that sound similar to yours. They’re almost always by women who haven’t had the experiences that validate Diggy’s posts.

      • Stephanie

        Graeme,

        Have you considered that if you are receiving a lot of rants from college girls (presumably going on a lot of dates with different guys), that there may be some validity to those rants? Like maybe they are trying to tell you something, and not just yell at you? I can tell you that I have been on literally hundreds of dates, and I have met this guy that Diggy is describing over and over and over again. He drives me nuts.

        Here is the most simple thing I can say about it without getting snarky: a man who is so focused on beauty & youth (i.e. Edge of David’s list) will absolutely dump me when I go through the natural process of aging, or if I put on weight (like if I were to grow a baby human inside me). We know this from watching our parents’, and friends’ relationships. Basically these feminist ranters are telling you that they aren’t stupid, and that this model of what a relationship is supposed to be is not worth their time, since there is no way it can last.

  • http://twitter.com/crystalsquest Crystal

    From the point of view of a girl with a long term guy, there are a few points I’d like to add.

    Guys Are Logical
    Guys like to think they are logical, however this logic is a very different variant to what girls think of as logic, and may involve what to girls may seem to be apparent contradictions – particularly in areas involving the relative merits of cars, sports teams and the reasons why he keeps insisting it’s a good thing he still looks at other women, but which obviously don’t apply to you looking at other men.

    Guys like to lead and make decisions
    - unless your guy is a virgo. Then he wants you to make the decisions, and heaven help you if you try to get him to choose something, for once. He will, however, reserve the right to criticise any decision you make.

    Guys Hate It When You Talk About Your Ex
    - Unless you accidentally let slip that one or more of your ex’s happen to have been female. Then he will ask for details, repeatedly. ESPECIALLY about anything you used to do in bed.
    ;-)

    Great article, Diggy. Thanks.

    • Diggy

      Heya Crystal!

      Haha, thanks for your additions. Some made me laugh!

      I really think that guys should keep flirting and talking to other girls while in a relationship but of course just keep it at flirting. It allows the guy to keep feeling like a guy and it makes him more fun and interesting to the girl he is dating.

      The problem when a girl flirts with a guy is that the guy will always think that the girl wants to sleep with him. Some guys can be very persistent and annoying which can cause problems later on, which is why it’s not nice when a girl flirts with other guys. The dynamics are different.

      Haha, yeah I agree with the ex being female thing! Guys don’t mind hearing that:)
      Thanks for stopping by!

      • tisha

        If a guy flirts with me, I would also think he’s interested in me or wants to sleep with me, so I think in this area it goes both ways.
        I don’t see how a guy flirting with different girls even when he’s in a committed relationship would help him feel like a guy, or keep things interesting, or does any good for the relationship in anyway, but when a girl does it it’s not doing the same thing?
        I would have to agree with Crystal that, at least, in this regard, that it is very hypercritical/double standard.

      • tisha

        And I would like to say that a lot of girls can be persistent and annoying plus sneaky too which can cause a lot of problems as well.

        Personally, I don’t mind my guy flirting a little, but he better not get upset when I do the say thing, because when he asks or get upset I am just going to say, “I really think that girls should keep flirting and talking to other guys
        while in a relationship but of course just keep it at flirting. It
        allows the girl to keep feeling like a girl and it makes her more fun and
        interesting to the guy she is dating”
        Because you know, girls flirt, too.

  • http://santipauli.wordpress.com Santi

    Much to my surprise, I must agree with everything. Great article. Though I can only imagine if you publish “What girls want”, it’s not going to be short and simple like this one :)

  • http://www.crunchylettuce.com Jennie

    Hi Diggy,

    Great article! I’ll take it to heart. I’ve read similar views from guys before, and it rings true. I like that guys rationalize and mean what they say, I happen to be the same way. So it makes it easier for me :) And them.

    • Diggy

      Heya Jennie!

      Thank you! Glad to hear you liked it!

      Have an awesome day!

  • Wobble

    Are you going to do one for the us guys? “For Men Only – What Women Want”

    Or will this be too big to put in an article?

    • Diggy

      Hey Wobble!

      I am definitely planning to do some articles for guys about girls.

      I don’t think I can truly tell you what women want, because I haven’t completely figured it out yet. I can tell you a lot about attracting girls and how to get a lot of dates, and that is something that I will be sharing soon :)

  • Ollie Queen

    Honest accurate article Diggy. Girls can disagree all they want but when it comes down to it all of the information it true in this article.

    • Diggy

      Hey Ollie,
      Thanks a lot, happy to hear that I wrote true words:)

  • http://www.findallanswers.com/ Jane@Find All Answers

    Hey,

    When I looked at the title, I started reading it with the thought in mind that I will have to leave a comment on points that I disagree with you. But to my surprise, I just don’t find one. You have just spoken out a man’s mind which every woman like me would want to hear again and again. We love to hear your mind out.

    Thanks for bringing this up.

    Cheers,
    Jane.

    • Diggy

      Heya Jane!

      Thanks for the kind words!
      The whole point of the article was to give a guy’s perspective on dating and relationships and not so much to have a debate:) Happy to hear that I succeeded with creating that!

  • Renee | Beauty Fool

    Hey Digster, great article! I don’t agree with some points but I think this is a helpful post on a great topic. I also really like your matter-of-fact writing style. :)

    • Diggy

      Heya Renee!
      Glad you liked it! It’s a touchy topic, but I hope I shared my views about how guys think in a way that girls can understand it.

      Even though you may disagree on some points, I’m writing it from my perspective, which is pretty much how most guys think :)

      Thanks for stopping by!

      • velvetofall

        HEY DUDE, I LIKED ALL OF YOUR POINTS. HOWEVER, THERE IS JUST A FEW PIECES OF EVIDENCE NOT REVEALED. WHY AFTER 6 YEARS OF TOGETHERNESS DOES A MAN SAY YES TO MARRIAGE THEN SAYS NO. HE ASKED ME. I DON’T BELIEVE THAT A WOMAN SHOULD EVER ASK A MAN FOR THEIR HAND IN MARRIAGE. ITS NOT LADY LIKE. ANYHOW, I REALLY DIG THIS GUY.

        HE DOES NOT TRUST ME, I CAN FEEL IT. WHY?. I AM A TRUSTWORTHY WOMAN. I BELIEVE IN JUST ONE PARTNER AT A TIME. I WOULD BE FAITHFUL. HE THINKS I HAVE OTHER MALE PARTNERS. I FEEL SLIGHTLY OFFENDED, HOWEVER, I KNOW ME.

        FINANCIALLY I’M NOT ON HIS LEVEL, HOWEVER, I HAVE ALOT TO OFFER. I’M ATTENTIVE, GOOD BUSINESS SENSE AND GREAT COOK AND CONVERSATION. I MAKE MY OWN MONEY.

        I KNOW THERE IS SOMETHNG THERE BUT HE WON’T OPEN UP TO ME ABOUT WHAT HES REALLY THINKING. AND MAYBE HE THINKS HE FOUND A SEX PARTNER. I DON’T KNOW. HE ACTS AFRAID OR GUILTY. YOU KNOW SLEEPING AROUND WILL KILL YOU. THAT IS NOT MY PORTION IN LIFE.

        AFTER 6 YEARS OF SEEING EACH OTHER I JUST ONE DAY STOPPED SEEING HIM. BECAUSE, HE’S NOT TAKING ME SERIOUSLY WHEN I SAY I NEED A MORE MEANINGFUL CLOSENESS OTHER THAN THE OUT OF THIS WORLD SEX. HE CHANGES FROM A PLEASANT MILD MANNERED GENTLEMAN INTO A FIEND. I HAD TO STOP SEEING HIM BECAUSE JUST TO SIT AND TALK TO HIM ABOUT WHAT I EXPECT IS IMPOSSIBLE. HE REALLY ACTS A FOOL. OKAY, SO I STOPPED SEEING HIM A YEAR AND 1/2 AGO. AND, I MISS HIM SO. I CALLED HIM JUST NOW. AND, HE SAYS I DON’T PICK UP ON HIS CALLS. HE WANTS TO TALK. I’M AFFRAID THAT HE MAY POUNCE ON ME AND I CAN’T GET AWAY. I WILL MEET HIM OUTSIDE FROM NOW ON UNTIL HE GETS A GRIP ON JUST TALKING AND BEHAVING LIKE A GENTLEMAN. YOU KNOW, WE STARTED OFF JUST TALKING AND GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER BUT, 9 MONTHS AFTER I MADE THAT FATAL MISTAKE OF GIVING IN, I COULDN’T PUT THE LID BACK ON. WHAT DID I DO WRONG?. NEVER TO REPEAT THAT AGAIN. NEVER. HE HAS TURNED INTO A WILD BEAST. BUT, I LOVE HIM. HE NEEDS TO CALM DOWN. WHAT DO I DO RIGHT THIS TIME. IF I SEE HIM AGAIN.

  • http://www.peopleskillsdecoded.com Eduard – People Skills Decoded

    Oh crap, here come a bunch of comments from women who disagree with you and think you’re oversimplifying. :)

    The truth can be harsh….

    • Diggy

      Hey Eduard!
      haha, yeah I’m prepared for that:)