Have you ever found yourself in the situation when you dreams came true? (or at least they came true for a very short amount of time until you sabotaged them to return to the hope of the dream?).
I am talking about something that you have been wanting to happen for a very long time or even for as long as you remember. Maybe it is your dream car and you finally get a Porsche, or it is a high-paying position at the top of a firm that you finally get promoted to, or it is an incredibly beautiful girl who you have always wanted and you finally get your chance with her.
“As soon as your dreams become reality, they are no longer dreams”
Sometimes we are more in love with the idea or the dream of something than when we actually get it.Sometimes we will actually sabotage our own actions to prevent ourselves from turning our dreams into reality because that would mean that we no longer have a dream to hold on to or look forward to. Once the dream becomes reality, the safe illusion of a perfect life is then at risk to be destroyed or ruined.
I am pretty sure that many people have the same dreams or ideas as the ones I am about to describe.These are my own dreams that I used to have (and some of them I still have) and how my perspectives of them have changed. When I was little I would see people on TV, rockstars or actors, and I would want to be like them, to have their fame and money and success. It just seemed like something desireable to become, after all, who wouldn’t want millions of people in the world to look up to them and ‘worship’ them? I also had visions of being filthy rich, living in mansions with private jets and massive sports car collections. Dropping hundreds of thousands of dollars on ridiculous luxury things.
Even though I wanted all those things, I was very much content with the dream and I didn’t really consider it a reality or possibility. The problem with not thinking of your dreams as a reality (and that they could come true at some point) is that when your dreams do come true, you are very likely going to sabotage them and throw them down the drain only to return to your normal life and shrugging it off. “It was just a dream anyways and it was never possible”, you think to yourself.
I have had it happen myself and I have seen it happen to many people. They get the chance to have and live their dreams but they blow it, simply because they did not consider their dreams to be part of their reality and that they did not feel that they deserved to live their dreams. Looking back on the few times when I had amazing chances that I sabotaged, I feel slight regret but not much. The reason for this is that my previous sabotages of my own dreams have led me to understand myself better and to develop my mind in such a way that I will no longer sabotage my own success. This means that when my current hard work pays off and my dreams once again become reality, that I will be in a much better position to live them.
Consider Your Dreams A Possibility
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?” – Marianne Williamson
The reason why I wrote this article is to get you thinking about what you are working towards your whole life? That dream, that thing that you think is your final goal, is it really what you want?
What will you do with it when you get it?
Will you realize after ten, twenty or 50 years, when you finally turned your dream into a reality, that your dream does not make you happy and it is not what you thought it would be? When you have 10 million dollars, or the most beautiful girl in the world, or that you have achieved fame and starred in five oscar-nominated movies, do you think that it will make you happy? Will it make your problems disappear and will life be all rosey?
I think that it is wrong to want something because you think it will make you happier once you get it. Want something because you really want it and you are passionate about it. Happiness is right now, life is right now. It is not reserved for some day far away once you have X (replace X with money, fame, success etc).
It seems stupid that we are scared of succeeding, yet it is true for so many of us. The possibility that our dreams will no longer exist once they become reality can be so scary that unconsciously we will sabotage ourselves or our actions once we get close to realizing our dreams.
You can get a really good understanding of WHY we sabotage ourselves from the book ‘Linchpin’ by Seth Godin. He explains that our brains actually consist of two brains. One one brain is referred to as the ‘lizzard’ brain and is one that has been with us for tens of thousands of years. It is responsible for our safety and our fight-or-flight response. The other brain is one that has only been around for the last few thousand years since we evolutionized and were able to think rationally and logically, referred to as the ‘cognitive’ brain.
The ‘lizzard’ brain wants saftey and comfort. It hates change, because change brings uncertainty and uncertainty is dangerous (in primitive times, unknown terrain was full of potential life-threatening creatures and plants). The ‘lizzard’ brain has been with us for so many generations that it is really hard-wired and rooted into our way of thinking and it is more powerful than the ‘cognitive’ brain.It has more “say” in decisions and it almost always over-rules the ‘cognitive’ brain (in other words, instinct and emotions naturally over-rule logic).
This is why you chicken out of something you really want. This is why you do not go and talk to that beautiful girl or why you do not quit your job to do what you love. The ‘lizzard’ brain always fights to keep you safe and comfortable (but as we all know, comfort does not encourage growth). Even though rationally and logically (cognitive brain) you know that it makes the most sense to leap forward into the unknown, the ‘lizzard’ brain will do everything it can to stop you from making those decisions and tries to overrule (and usually succeeds) the logical thoughts.
This may sound a bit complex and confusing, so let me give you a practical example:
Quitting your dead-end job. Say you have had the same job for the last 5 years, there is no room for promotion and chances are you will do the same stupid tasks for the next 50 years if you stay in that job. You search online and find all sorts of books and motivational courses on how people quit their jobs to build up their own empires, and who are now free from the 9-5 slavery. It is possible for you to do this, but you will have to make some sacrifices to save up for a computer and internet access, and due to circumstances you will have to quit your current job to be able to make the transition to start your own projects. While the possibility of succeeding online is very real, and you will be far better off than you would ever be with your current job, it is risky. Your current job is terrible, but it provides enough for you to live off and you know exactly what you need to do.
Your ‘lizzard’ brain will come up with all sorts of excuses and fears to prevent you from quitting your job and risking the uncertainty of failing, being without money or a job and ending up worse-off than you are currently. Yet, in order to be successful, you have to take this leap. Many people are too scared to leave the comfortable (but inferior) conditions to achieve their goals and dreams, and they will let life pass them by.
Living Your Dreams
“This is the day you have been waiting on for so long, it is the day when your dreams are finally within reach. You have worked so hard and have finally turned your dreams into reality. You can live in the way that you have dreamt about for so long.
Luckily you have thought about this day, and decided that when it came around and became your reality, that you would make the transition of leaving the idea of the dream behind and start to live the dream instead. You feel like you are good enough to live your dream, you have deserved it and you will cherish every moment that you have the chance to live it.”
This is the kind of attitude that will allow you to live your dreams once you have made them into reality without sabotaging them and returning to a normal life where all you have is the dream that will never materialize. I have personally had many negative and self-destructive thoughts and beliefs over the past years that I am only now beginning to change and eliminate. There is no reason why I consciously want to sabotage my own success or my dreams, and I do not want my own sub-conscious to do it either.
I don’t like to write about things that I have little experience with or things that I have little knowledge about. However, I want to make an exception and mention EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique). I have known about it for some time now, but have only recently started to seriously study and apply it. I can already feel a massive positive difference in my thinking.
EFT is a method to remove ALL negative emotions from your thinking. You can say that it is in a way a form of meditation. It works on the principles of energy flow in the body and the meridians of the body. This knowledge of the flow of energy in the body has been around for thousands of years in the East, and is applied in Eastern healing techniques like accupuncture. EFT states that ANY negative emotion is a disruption in the energy flow of a meridian, and the method works on resetting the entire body’s energy system to remove the disruption.I have always been skeptical about these things, but visit their site (www.emofree.com), download the basic manual for free and try it for yourself. (It is not an affiliate link).
Remember, it is very possible that your dreams will become reality. Especially if you work hard and are passionate about them. When they finally become reality, live your dreams and do not sabotage them only to return to the illusion and hope of a dream.