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What is holding you back from doing what you really want to do?
What are you scared of?

What if I told you that it doesn’t matter what people think of what you do or say right now. Doing handstands in the middle of a busy street, going up to a hot girl in a group of 8 guys, putting yourself out there, risking looking like an idiot.

The next day you’ll look back on it and be happy you did it.Rather do it and deal with whatever outcome you get instead of wondering what would have happened if…

That way, if things didnt go the way you wanted, at least you know what happened and you can learn from it and do it better next time. If things do go the way you want then its a dream come true and you’ll be on top of the world.

If you dont try at all to do what you really want then you will just waste your life and emotional energy wondering what if. People always judge, I do it all the time. The second I see someone it’s automatic to try to discover what kind of a person the are: shy or confident, ugly or good-looking, good or bad, cool or not cool. These are first impressions we all make based on appearances and initial behaviours at the time we first come into contact with someone.

Although people say that first impressions matter, I don’t entirely agree with that statement. I have had bad first impressions of people who ended up becoming really good friends, and I have had good first impressions of people who ended up breaking my trust and being total idiots. I’m telling you this because you should not place a whole lot of importance on making good impressions on everyone you meet. That is unneccessary pressure that makes life more stressful. Rather just be yourself. Some people will like you, others will not. Even if you make a bad first impression, it is possible to make a total recovery. This is life and something that is better to accept sooner rather than later.

We Create Irrational Fears

Being here in Amsterdam the last couple of days has made me realize how we (Myself included and I presume the majority of the population) create irrational fears for ourselves. Self-limiting beliefs. Since I’m here in a fairly new city where I hardly know anyone, I want to make new friends and meet a whole bunch of interesting people. How can I do this? Well, there is pretty much only one way, and that is to go up to people in streets, shopping centers, bars, clubs and trams and start a conversation.

I’d say I’m pretty confident, but I have my moments where I don’t feel confident at all. In those moments, I’ll be out with the intention of meeting new people, but sometimes just can’t bring myself to go up to a total stranger and start a conversation. I’d be scared of rejection / not being liked or something along those lines even though I know it’s totally irrelevant. The people I would go and talk to are people I have never seen and probably will never see again. They don’t know me. They probably won’t remember me longer than 5 minutes after I went up to them and they blew me out. That is the reality of the situation.

So why then does it feel like a scary thing to do? Always after I rationalize it to myself like this, the fear becomes irrelevant because I know it doesn’t matter. Then it becomes super easy. I found that people react to you the way that you think they will react to you, and the way you expect them to react to you. How you present yourself also plays a big part in the interaction.

If you are nervous and uncomfortable when talking to someone, that is the vibe they will feel too, and they will not be comfortable talking to you either unless they have a totally rock-solid self-esteem and belief in their own personality. If you are happy, bubble and care-free, people will likely respond very positively and in the same manner. It is of course not 100% true, because you could run into someone who is having a bad day or in a grouchy mood. Sometimes these grouchy people will not respond positively no matter how happy and bubble you are. I find it is best to just ignore them (after seeing that it is not possible to make them positive), don’t let those kind of people bring you down.

The point that I want to make is that we often create fears and beliefs that are totally irrational and not true. We are scared of anticipated failure or humiliation, or even of success. I am no spiritual teacher neither do I consider myself very wise, but this fear of failure or humiliation is very ego-based. Once you are able to let go of the ego, then failure and humiliation do not really exist, they just fade away far into the background. It is not something to be ashamed about if you attempt something and don’t succeed the first time. It is not going to affect the rest of your life if you make a fool out of yourself in front of 10, 20 or 200 people. (Maybe if you do it on national television, but even then it will likely only stick around for a short while. If that were to happen, use it to your advantage, you’re famous! ).

What Do You Really Want To Do?

Would you like to get up on a stage and perform, play an instrument or sing?
Would you like to have your art displayed to thousands of people?
Would you like to have more dates and have more friends?
Would you like a better job?
Would you like… “FILL IN RANDOM DESIRE HERE”

I know I have desires and things I want but have created fears and limiting-beliefs for. These things will hold me back only if I let them. I’m pretty sure that many people have the same issue so that is why I want to tell you that you should not let yourself be held back. If for any reason you discover that you are holding yoruself back from doing what you would like to do (for fear of failure,humiliation or simply thinking you are not good enough) then I kindly request you to forget about your ego while you attempt to do what you want to do. Just don’t care. Be prepared to look like an idiot. You are courageous! You are doing what so many others are not (by doing what you really want and not letting your fears hold you back).

People may think you are an idiot or loser. Not everyone thinks this way though. There will be many people who will actually respect you for going out there and trying, for having the courage to risk humiliation and failure. Adopt a mindset of dillusional confidence. Don’t think that people out there hate you or think you are a loser. Think that people out there respect you and look up to you.

Real quick, imagine yourself in the center of a crowd of people.
Firstly imagine that all these people think you are a loser and are laughing at you.
Secondly imagine that all these people respect you and think you are cool.
Can you feel the difference? In the first one I feel like I’m being attacked and restricted from being expressive. In the second one I feel welcomed to be creative and expressive.

What are you scared of?
Follow your desires and forget about those irrational fears. You are cool!

Have a Rockin’ day
Diggy

As my gift to you, I have created a list with 14 fabulous date ideas!
(I think this is more useful for the men than the women, but women might enjoy this too )

Have you ever gotten a date with someone you’ve fancied for a long time, or someone who just makes you feel like you’re floating high up in the clouds? But then it hits you…”Where should I take her????”

Before I start with the list, let me just say that some of the best dates I have had consisted of a pizza, a long walk and a movie. Sometimes simple is just more fun, because it’s not about the venue, but about connecting with the other person and having a great time




14 Fabulous Date Ideas




1.)Wine & Dine
Plan the date to start around 5pm,preferably on a Friday or Saturday night where both of you do not need to work or be somewhere the next morning Meet up at a cute coffee bar, I’m not just talking any old coffee bar, because some are just plain ugly and serve bad coffee. Do some research and find out all the local coffee spots near you and choose one that you really feel gives a good vibe.It’s nice and relaxed to start off, have some coffee, chat, get comfortable. When you are done with this, then what is nice to do is go to a cuban restaurant, where they serve cocktails and drinks as well as good food. Here is the perfect place to relax even more, get cozy, have your own little bubble with your date amongst all the happy chatter around you and get some good food. Depending on your city and weather, it is nice to go for a walk, maybe just through the streets, maybe take a drive to the beach if it is close to you, maybe find a park where you can sit and chat and snuggle. By this time it’s probably dark already so if the day is nice and you can see the stars, its awesome to sit in a park and just lie in the grass and stare at the stars.From here it’s up to you, you can spend hours lying there in the grass and take her home afterward (your place or hers) or you can go to town and go dancing before taking her back

2.)Shopping centre fun
Meet up at a shopping center around 4pm. I’m basing this on my situation where shopping centers have a cinema and movie shows start around 5.30pm. The idea is to choose and book your movie tickets, and have time to walk around the center and browse through shops, maybe try on clothes, have some ice-cream,push each other around in shopping-trolleys (lots of fun acting like a little kid ) and do whatever you want really. Then get some popcorn and snacks and enjoy the movie (whats a movie without popcorn?!) After the movie you might already be full depending on the snacks, so then you can either go for a light meal like sushi or just skip the food and find a nice bar or restaurant where you can have coffee or cocktails. I love going dancing, and it’s especially nice when the club has just opened and still fairly empty, because you can dance freely with your date without being squashed. I advise against “clubbing” on a date, because that is not something you do when you are on a date, maybe in a group of friends. Dancing however, is really fun:) If you can dance even a little, and spin her around on the dance floor, she will be smiling from ear to ear

3.)Adventure!
Well…not yet. Take her ice-skating! It’s really fun, you’re both busy, getting exercise, its all great. Maybe she can skate, chances are she won’t really be able to. Maybe you can’t either and it’s a bad recommendation because you will fall a lot. Have fun with it, if you are not up for this one then skip it:) I can skate fairly well, so I really enjoy this date. If she can skate too then you can have lots of fun with it, if she can’t, let her hold on to you and skate gently. Afterward you can do any of the normal things, coffee, movie, food, back to your or her place…:) Enjoy!

4.) Adventure…for real this time.
Organise an early morning hike:) Okay, if you live in a country without mountains then you are going to have to give this one a miss. South Africa has plenty of mountains though, so it’s nice to gear up in hiking boots or trainers, a backpack with a picnic and water and first aid kit (never know what will happen), and a healthy hour or two hike up a walking path or mountain. You can really have fun with this, stop along the way, admire nature, have lots of time to talk, sit high up on a rock and enjoy the picnic. Of course, pick a route or trail that is safe and fairly easy to climb.

5.)Have a gym date:)
I know I know…I’m on an exercise date roll now, this is the last one
Of course these ideas depend on you and your date. I personally enjoy fitness and exercising so this one is nice. Meet up at the gym and workout together. Some cardio, get two cycling machines or treadmills next to each other. Help each other with weight lifting and situps. If your gym has a pool, go for a swim afterwards. Really refreshing! After that, rent a DVD and go back to your or her place, cuddle under the duvet, order some pizza to be delivered:) Fantastic date!

6.) Do some sort of farming activity.
What I mean by this is something like cherrypicking, or strawberry picking. We have farms nearby where in the season the public can come and harvest. I know in Amsterdam too for example, there is a goat farm, where you can go and feed the goats and have pancakes in the forest. Something like this is really fun to do for an afternoon. A bit different than usual, and of course not fun if you do this more than twice a year or so, but otherwise a good date:)

7.)Take a trip somewhere for the weekend.
This one is for if you have been dating for a few months. Here where I stay, about 2 hours away there is a hot springs resort, with warm water baths. It’s really nice to pack bags, take a bit of a road trip with good music and snacks, stopping along the way and doing some sightseeing, and then being totally alone together with your date for the weekend. Just lazy good fun, sleep, eat at the restaurants, swim,spend time together. Of course it can be anything, maybe there is a bungalow resorts somewhere you can rent a place, maybe get a hotel. The idea is just to get away, a few hours from where you live and have a sort of mini-holiday

8.) DVD marathon.
You know it! Rent 5 DVD’s, stuff your fridge with goodies and invite her over for the day and night.Another lazy date, but oh so fun every once in a while, especially in winter when it is freezing cold outside. It’s great if you can cook, maybe stirfry, chicken, a yummy salad and strawberries and cream for dessert. It’s actually great fun cooking a meal together,playing with the food, making jokes, trying not to burn the chicken as you’re distracting each other:) Enjoy!

9.) Invite her for a scrabble/boardgames night with cooking her dinner being optional.
You can also just order Chinese takeout. It’s a bit nerdy but really fun from time to time, playing things like scrabble,monopoly,poker,other card games. You can of course use your imagination and make the games a little more exciting like having to remove an item of clothing for every wrong move.

10.)’Everybody dance now’!
As far as I know, almost all girls love dancing. They are naturally better at it than men but even if you both don’t really know how to dance, do some research and find out if there are salsa or hip hop dance classes near you. Mostly these are open classes where for a small fee you can join in without having to know much about the dance. Each class usually focuses on a new choreography or technique, independent from the rest, and sometimes it’s even just social dancing with an instructor present to guide you and help you out. This is a really fun date, you get to connect with each other, it’s physical and a good workout and should get smiles on your faces in no time. Afterward go for a romantic dinner in a cute restaurant.

11.)Experience a little culture!
Plan an afternoon for a museum tour or an old castle. I personally enjoy this one, I love seeing old castles or museums of ancient history,culture or art. Of course this may not be for every girl, so you may have to evaluate her personality a bit before suggesting this, but overall most girls will enjoy this kind of date too. Like I said, it’s not so much about the venue as it is about spending time with each other, having fun and connecting

12.)Sail the seven seas.
This is a date that is weather and location dependant but really really cool if you have the chance to do so! The idea is to book two places on a small motorboat(like a mini cruise boat) or catamaran, and go out for a day on the sea. Maybe even a romantic sunset cruise. Usually in harbour cities there are many of these kinds of boats available for rent, or a place on the boat, even with picnics or champagne as an option.

13.)Rock on!
One of the best experiences is a live concert of your favourite band or singer!Standing in a crowd full of people loving the music that is being performed live on stage right in front of you. Take your date to a concert of her favourite artist, she will love it! There is food, drinks and an awesome feeling. Being in your own little bubble with your date in that massive crowd, have her sit on your shoulders as you are standing near the front of the stage.

14.)It’s not over till the fat lady sings!
Book 2 seats at a theatre for a live performance of a play, an opera or something like Holiday on Ice. I’m pretty certain that most girls enjoy this kind of thing, and that there are not many guys who take them on a date like this. Do it once in a blue moon, just to do something fun and different:) Variety is the spice of life!

Voila!
I hope you enjoyed reading this and that I have given you some good ideas for what to do on your next date. You don’t need to follow my ideas directly, change them and combine them to suit your idea of an ideal date. Remember, dating is about having fun and connecting with each other, having a great time.

Don’t worry so much about planning the “perfect date” because there will be times when everything you plan goes wrong. Be confident that what you choose is going to be fun, don’t worry about what she will think of the idea, if she doesn’t like the idea, she will tell you. Enjoy and happy dating:)

*I created a .pdf version of this post which you are free to download for future reference or even give to any of your friends or subscribers provided you leave the subscription link to UpgradeReality at the bottom of the ebook in tact. Here ya go : *

FREE DOWNLOAD

Have a Rockin’ day
Diggy

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Wooooohoooo, yeeeeehoooo, wooooohooooo, yeeeehoooo
(Lol, I’m not crazy, I promise:) it’s from Escape – Gwen Stefani and if you sing it out loud it puts you in the best mood ever!)

I decided to post something less ‘serious’ and less ‘personal developmenty’ for a change and write about something else which I really enjoy: meeting new girls and going on dates.

I see it around me so much, guys and girls who have so much going for them and yet they feel a little sad because they don’t have dates on weekends. Some people have the self limiting belief that they cannot just find an attractive person to go on a date with, others are simply to scared to approach new people and others are still hung up over that ex they broke up with 2 years ago.

Whatever the ‘reason’ is you tell yourself that you don’t have a date on friday and saturday night while you sit at home watching tv instead of being out with someone you find attractive, be open-minded in accepting my idea that this ‘reason’ is just an excuse and it is all in your head. (unless you live in an isolated town in the middle of nowhere and there simply are no people to date…in that case, I can’t help you, cartoon network is fun right? )

I don’t know about you, but personally I love going on dates with a girl I find attractive. Whether it is just coffee and a walk in the park or an adventure and iceskating and climbing mountains. The whole process of getting to know someone, finding out what they like and dislike, connecting with them on a level that you cannot connect with your friends on and of course having them feel the same way about you.

Unless you are single because you don’t want someone or because you are playing the field and taking home a different girl (or guy if you are a girl) every weekend, I think deep down you really would like to have the choice and oppertunity to go out with different people you find attractive.

From my (a guy’s) perspective, I think girls have it a lot easier in that regard, because men are always interested in talking to you and you have a lot more choice than 90% of the men out there.

Irrelevant!

I’m going to share with you the secret how to get more dates.
No matter who you are and what you look like, what job you have or what car you drive, this applies for everyone.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…ARE YOU READY?????

Hehe, sorry for making it so dramatic, I’m really enjoying playing the part. I feel like one of the TV gameshow hosts:)

The secret to getting more dates is being more social and talking to more people. It’s very simple. The more people you talk to and start a conversation with that look attractive to you, the bigger the chance that you will end up with their phone number or a date to see them again.

For many people (myself a while back included) this can be a scary thing. Talking to an attractive stranger.”what if they don’t like me?” “What if they reject me”"What if they laugh at me and I feel like an idiot?” These are all the kind of questions that we tell ourselves and use as an excuse not to go and talk to that pretty girl/guy that made us walk an extra 10 minutes in a shopping mall and buy a tshirt we really didnt even want just so we could stand close to them in the line.

There is no way for me to take that fear away from you. All you have to do is trust me when I say you get used to it and you stop caring what people think or how people will react. Read Buddah’s Wisdom for a simple story about other peoples abuse and bad reaction. It’s really good!

THE PLAN:

Any city pretty much has loads of bars, nightclubs, gyms, shopping malls and dancing classes.
All you need to do for yourself is make a plan. A plan stating that you will go out Monday,Wednesday and Friday for 1 hour or 2 hours or whatever you decide. You make a decision to approach 4 girls/guys in that hour, one every 15 minutes. This is a plan you are making when you are emotionally neutral, and you are going to stick to this plan no matter what. If you have to,give your best friend $150 and get them to give you $50 back every night you go out. If you miss a night, your friend keeps the $50. Just an incentive:)

The idea is that initially you will probably find it hard and scary to talk to strangers. What do you say? (I’ll give you a few ideas in a sec).After time, you will find it natural, and become more talkative, and you will be making friends and getting dates as easy as taking candy from a baby.

WHAT TO SAY?

Forget the idea that you need to have something to say, something prepared, some canned opener or line to break the ice. Why are you talking to him/her in the first place? Well, because you find them attractive!You don’t need an excuse to talk to them.

I like saying some of the following:

“Hey! Whatsup? I’m Diggy! Nice to meetcha!”

“I think you are absolutely gorgeous! Who are you?”

“Hey! I have no idea what to say to you to make you smile, but I knew I wanted to meet you. I’m Diggy”

These are just genuine cool ways of talking to a stranger, you’re being honest and chilled and showing interest but not in a creepy way. There are many lines that you can use just for fun, and I like playing around with those too, but generally the above are more than enough to start a good conversation with anyone. Try and avoid the boring interview questions of “what do you do” “how old are you”. As a rule, try not to answer her/his questions directly in the beginning, make a joke, tell a story. The more you show that you don’t care what that person thinks of you or how they will react, the more they will feel attracted to you and the more they will be interested in getting to know you. This is because you are not taking value from them, so they can feel at ease and relaxed while talking to you, and if on top of that you add value, by telling stories,making them laugh and have a good time, then they will want to be around you.

It takes time to learn what works and what you can say and do, because honestly I’ve said and done stuff that I thought I would never get away with and thought that she would turn around and not talk to me ever again, but surprisingly she didn’t really care. You don’t have to be perfect all the time, sometimes you are allowed to do dumb things:)

If you are getting along, take out your phone and tell them to punch in their number and save it. Miss call them back so they have your number and tell them to save your number under “King Diggy” or whatever you think is cool:) In my experience it is best to agree to meet up again and get her looking forward to it before you part ways, and from there all you have to do is give her a call and organise the date details.

There is so much more to write about this, but this is pretty much the jist of how to get more dates.
Go out and meet more people!
Make a plan to do this!
Stick to the plan!
Rinse and repeat:)

Please feel free to leave a comment! I would love to hear your thoughts about this!:)

Have a Rockin’ day
Diggy

Kissing is absolutely amazing and so much fun, and especially that first kiss, taking that leap from being two complete strangers or even two people who have known each other for ages to becoming intimate with each other.

When I was younger (around high school) kissing used to be a big deal. Everyone used to talk about it and gossip, ooh did you hear..so and so kissed. Now kissing has become pretty normal…

**Note** A girl will feel what you feel…so if you think a kiss is a big deal and it makes you really nervous…guess what it’s going to do to her. Yes…it will make her nervous and awkward too.

So do you belong to those people who think it takes 5 dates before you can kiss a girl?
That’s a myth!

Sometimes it takes 5 minutes, sometimes 30 minutes, but it shouldn’t take longer than the first date, the second date as a maximum.

It is circumstancial. In a clubbing environment it is very possible to get make-outs with a girl under 30 minutes BUT, it also makes it a bit difficult. If you are going to be needy or make out with her for 2 hours while you’re at the club, chances are that she will regard it as a once-off and you will not see her again, probably because she thinks she gave you the wrong impression.

When you do find a girl who is into you and wants to make-out with you at the club, either keep it fun and teasing and kissing to a minimal and leave an expectation for more, get her number and leave or be good enough to escalate it right there and take her home with you from the club.

Some girls are really too shy to kiss in front of their friends or others, but as soon as you get alone she is all over you. Something I have come to learn after having my attempts rejected many times but I just didn’t care and ploughed on, and then when we were alone she practically attacked me!

Going For The Kiss

With experience, you will be able to judge far quicker if she is or is not interested in you. It’s hard to explain, but it just becomes intuitive. Like with anything that you have done for a long time, it becomes automatic. You know what to look for, and if the signals are there you can just go for the kiss.

Okay, so after a bit of background information, here is how you know if she is ready to kiss:

Her body language will give you a lot of clues as to her interest in kissing you.

• Are her legs crossed away from you or towards you, is her posture leaning in to you? Leaning in to you is always a good sign.




• Does she ask YOU questions, is she showing a genuine interest in you?




• Will she leave her friends for a while to come and talk to you?




• Is she comfortable with your touch on her arm or her leg, does she maybe even touch you back?




• When you take her hand and squeeze it, does she squeeze back?

Any of the above really give you an indication that she is interested in you and would want to kiss you.

Mostly when I feel a connection, I can sense when she is ready to be kissed. One thing I like to do a lot is to tickle her, and if she enjoys it, or it makes her laugh and she allows me to continue doing it, then I know and I kiss her.

If you don’t know each other well enough, it happens often that your initial kiss attempt is rejected. It doesn’t matter, don’t be phased by it. Don’t be affected by it, and even if you are, do not let it show. If she picks up that she can easily affect your behaviour, it’s usually a major turn-off for her.

As long as she doesn’t get up and walk away, everything is still good, it just means you have to try harder and give her more or a reason to want to kiss you. (not by trying to convince her logically why she should kiss you, but by showing her you are a cool guy she wants to kiss). Change the topic completely, maybe even change the venue and then try again a bit later. The initial rejection does not always mean no, it means ‘not yet’.

Why It’s Important To Be Able To Kiss

An amazing kiss will tell a girl a lot about you and can make the difference between a next date or her never wanting to see you again.

When it comes to dating, going on a first date with a girl you haven’t kissed yet, it’s important to be relaxed.

Don’t be nervous throughout the whole date because you want to kiss her, it will just mess it up. Rather have the mindset of:

I’m going to kiss her, it is not a question of if, just a question of when.

Don’t wait until the end of the date to kiss her, that mostly does not work. Normally after an hour or two is a good timing.You can even set up a little challenge or “punishement”.

If she does something that is unusual, you can tell her

You:”Hey! If you do that again…you’re going to have to accept the consequences of your actions”
Her: “Haha…and what are you gonna do about it?”
You: “I’m going to kiss you like you’ve never been kissed before”

Of course it depends on the situation what you say, but improvise, I am just giving a general sense of direction.

A Line You Can Use

One line that I have used quite a few times with success is one from a dating guru called Mystery.

(I must add that then line itself doesn’t do magic, it just helps in certain situations. I have heard a lot of times that when I kissed a girl she really didn’t expect it and this line gives here a clear indication that you want to kiss her.)

It goes like this:

“On a scale of 1-10, how good do you kiss”

If she answers 8-10 you can say something like
“I don’t believe you, let’s find out”

Mostly she will say:
“I don’t know”

Then again you say:
“Let’s find out” and kiss her.

It’s just a cute little excuse of telling her you are about to kiss her:)

Something I have read is that a girl decides, subconsciously or consciously, on the first date whether she is or is not going to kiss you, and whether she will or will not sleep with you. Once that decision has been made, it’s pretty hard to change.

It depends entirely on your actions, and how you can make her feel. That first impression you make is very important, and the first kiss you have with her is going to determine a lot of what will happen between the two of you in the future.