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Be True to Yourself – Tyler Durden Style |
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Be true to yourself or you aint true to nobody!
As a person growing up in today’s world, we are subject to an incredible amount of social conditioning, starting from the very day when we are born by our parents and loved ones, then by school, by the government, by the media, by our boss.
All the time images are created of how one should live, of what is beautiful, of what is socially acceptable, what will give happiness.
We are told to follow a procedure of things ranging from school, to getting a degree, to getting a good job, to having a family and working until 65 when we can retire and try to enjoy life until we die. Or how about the image that having millions of dollars will make us happy, with the yacht in the harbour and the Ferarri in the garage? Or that for a girl to be beautiful she needs to look like the girls in Cosmo, or have an hourglass figure.
We are all subject to so much of this social conditioning and manipulation that I wonder how many people actually have a strong sense of identity, that they know what they really want, and not just because it is expected of them by society, but because they truly want it.
How many people study for a profession because they really want it as opposed to it being the expected thing to do after finishing school?
How many relationships are made (both romantic relationships and friendships) because of reasons like the other person being of high status or having money or means to help you forward, instead of based on true selfless feelings?
For those of you who haven’t seen the movie Fight Club yet, it is in my opinion the best movie with a message I have ever seen. The first time you watch it you may think it is just about a bunch of guys starting underground fight clubs and beating each other senseless, but watch it again and pay attention.
“Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables — slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised on television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won’t. We’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off.” – Tyler Durden
The true message about Fight Club is about letting go of all the social conditioning, rebelling against the absurdity of slaving away to earn money so you can buy things you don’t need, in order to impress people you don’t even know or care about. About truly freeing your self and really living without other people telling you how to live your own life.
“You are not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. You’re not your fucking khakis. You’re the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.” – Tyler Durden
So many of us think that money will solve our problems, make us happy, give us love and friendship. We think that in order to be someone, we need a flashy car, an expensive house, money in the bank, stylish and expensive clothes.
“We’re consumers. We are bi-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty, these things don’t concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy’s name on my underwear.” – Tyler Durden
But what do you want, what do you really want, deep down, what does your heart tell you?
Me? Personally I do want the above to an extent, I want a decent car, a nice house, enough in the bank not to worry about the monthly bills and have enough in case something happens to me and I can’t work for a while. I like nice clothes and looking good. I want this because it is enjoyable and pleasurable, but this is not my end goal, neither is it my source of happiness. This is comfort that I would like to have, and I will work for it, but it is not totally essential to complete my life and make it a success.
What I really want is adventure, experiences, travel, friendship, love, family, health, food and a roof over my head.
This may not be what you want. Maybe you DO want millions of dollars and to live the rock-star life. That is perfectly fine! There is nothing wrong with it, as long as it is what YOU truly want, and not because you think it will bring you friendship or love or because it is deemed “cool” by society and the media.The purpose of this post is to get you to think if you are living your life in a way that social conditioning has led you to and tells you how to live so that you ’should’ have a happy life with lots of stuff, money and designer items or if you are doing something because you truly want to do it and it makes you happy.
As a final conclusion, I want to leave you with the most inspiring and thought-provoking quote from Fight Club:
“This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.”
Have a Rockin’ day
Diggy
I agree that social conditioning does affect the way we live. It is impossible to go out in public without being bombarded with the everyday advertisements on the walls of newspapers, buildings, and buses.
We are more concernced with what is going on in the media, from what kind of rehab Lindsey Lohan has gotten herself into to the depression of the economy, that we begin forgetting ourselves, our identities.
I agree that to be happy, you need to stop caring about the world for a second. Step out of the box as if the world doesn’t exist, and ask yourself what are the core values in your life that make you truly happy.
Heya Tristan!
It’s so strange to think how our society has evolved in the last 80 years or so, comparing my grandfathers generation to my own.
Thanks for stopping by
awesome post, it really makes you think. thanks.
Hey hey!
Welcome to Upgradereality!
Thanks for stopping by!
Glad you enjoyed the post!
Fight Club has inspired so many great blog posts and this is another of them.
One of my goals is to be able to have the courage live a life that I want to live and not feel restricted by society’s expectations. I’m not saying I want to harm people or commit crime, I just want to live without caring about people’s judgment.
Gordie Rogers´s last blog ..Forgiveness Is Selfish.
Hey Gordie!
Thanks man! Yes, my idea of the movie is not to promote violence or crime, but rather free thinking and creativity, not being confined by what others tell you.
The ideas that come through your article are very similar to my philosophy.
“This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.”
– that’s a stunning quote, I’m using it in a more generalized form as my blog motto: every day is your life
Zoli Cserei´s last blog ..Hey! You Should Win At My Contest!
Heya Zoli
Yeah, so many of us take life for granted, not realizing that every minute that passes is one that we will never get back. Time is the most precious commodity, one that we cannot buy or steal.
Thanks for stopping by
Fight Club is a great film for much of the reasons mentioned above. If I could take one quote from the film it would be:
“Things you own, end up owning you!” In my experience this is such a true statement. I don’t necessarily agree with the films portrayal of renunciation. I believe if people can accept that this is the way of the western world we live in and are aware of implications then the world would be a much smarter place.
Having traveled the world extensively, I don’t see this happening certainly in our generation. If we want to make a real change now, let’s target all the schools and start teaching this stuff from an early age.
Hiya!
Yeah, I didn’t mention that quote, but it is also one of my favourites, the obsession with consuming and possesing things to the point that they possess us.
I agree that we should start with the education system right now, so that the young generation of today will lead our world and society in a better way than it is being done today.
Thanks for stopping by, good seeing you here!
Wonderful post, Diggy… yet another reason to love Brad… I mean, Tyler.
One of my favorite quotes from the movie was: “It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything.”
We have to let go of so many illusions before we find true freedom to be ourselves and to enjoy every moment of life, no matter what it looks like.
It might be time for me to watch this movie again (yay!).
Lisis´s last blog ..Inspiration: Nobody Trips Over Mountains
Heya Lisis!!
Haha, yeah yeah, it’s okay if you watch the movie just to look at Brad
I like that quote too, if you experience the worst and get through it, then the rest is child’s play so to speak!
Thanks for stopping by
True story, Diggy. Lots of great philosophy in Fight Club, for those who look for it.
Far too many people forget about that last quote, especially, and then where are they left? At the end of their lives, wondering where it all went, and why it was used in the pursuit of pointless things.
Colin Wright´s last blog ..The Future Will Suck
Hey Colin!
I agree!
What if you knew you honestly had a week or a month left of your life, how would you live it differently to the way you are doing now?
I think the best way to live, is that if you knew you had little time left, that you would not change much of your daily routine, because you are already doing everything you want to do.
Thanks for stopping by:)
Hi Diggy, great movie! Sounds like you definitely want the right things. It’s key not to put too much value on the material things, but wanting a comfortable life is a reasonable, self-respecting desire.
From the book: “If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t.”
Enjoyed the Durden-style take on this! Haven’t seen the movie in a while, even though I’ve watched it upteen times! Might have to revisit it soon, but I’ve got The Matrix at the top of my re-watch list first!
Thanks for putting this together!
Cheers,
Miche
Miche´s last blog ..There Is No Such Place As Stuck
Hey Miche!
Great to have you!
Welcome to Upgradereality
Haha, yeah the Matrix is also awesome, I rewatched that recently so thats off my list, I wanna rewatch The Last Samurai again
Cheers for stopping by!
is that banksy’s art?
Heya Steph!
How you doing miss?
I don’t know who’s art that is, Its a grafitti on a lamp post somewhere
Looks cool huh?
Love, love, love this post! Tyler Durden is one of my favorite characters of all time and I love all of the insight you pulled out of it. Not sure if you’ve read the book, but it’s even better than the movie!
Positively Present´s last blog ..stop seeing life in black & white
Dani!!!
Haha yeah it’s insane! I’m actually in the mood to watch the movie again! Can’t get enough of it
Diggy, add this post to your all your time faves list. Great post! I think my favorite Chuck Palahniuk book is Survivor. Check it out if you haven’t read it. That book burns, burns, burns.
Have a rockin day!
brian papa´s last blog ..Post-it Note #24
Hey Brian!
OOh, thanks
I really enjoyed writing this post! Never heard of the book you are recommending, will try to remember next time I go to a bookstore 
Thanks for stopping by!
“How many people study for a profession because they really want it as opposed to it being the expected thing to do after finishing school?”
I can really relate to that quote, as can a lot of people that I know. There are a lot of things in life that you do only because it is what is expected of you. The sooner you can break out of that habit, the happier and better off you will be.
Great post Diggy!
Hey Sean !
Yeah, I see it with most people I knew from school, they all went on to study something at uni because it was the ‘right’ thing to do, and many did not enjoy what they studied and actually want to do something else with their lives now that they have their degree.
Ok, Im gonna have to watch that movie now….Its got some powerful quotes.
It can be difficult to get out there and do the things YOU want to do but I know it is liberating and definitely worth it.
Thanks for an inspiring and very cool post Diggs.
Hope you have an awesome day too
Heya Rosa!
Long time
How you doing miss?
Thanks for stopping by!
Great movie and a great post. I agree with the fundamental point that Tyler is making–we need to stop consuming and start living. But the follow up question is equally as important–”What are we living for?” Does life’s purpose come from inside our own head, or is it handed to us by our situation, generation, place in history, disposition, temperament, and beliefs? Does huanity share a common purpose, or are individual purposes crafted for each one of us? One thing is for sure. Your job is not your purpose.
Dave´s last blog ..This song reminds me of my Mom
Heya Dave
Welcome to Upgradereality!
Ahh, that is a good question. I’ve thought about it many times, and I wrote the answer to it in this post:
http://upgradereality.com/the-point-of-life-my-version
Cheers for stopping by
Hey Diggy,
Always nice to discover Fight Club fans. I wrote an article inspired from it recently also.
Eduard
Hey Eduard!
Welcome to Upgradereality
On my way to check out your article: )
“What I really want is adventure, experiences, travel, friendship, love, family, health, food and a roof over my head.”
You just said it better than I could. Life is so simple when you look at it like that.
Nate´s last blog ..the snowball effect
Haha
So true man, For now, that is my life philosophy 
Cheers!
Man, Fight Club was way ahead of it’s time. It’s good to hear those words again from time to time. Tyler lays it out very blunt and honest.
Great post, Diggy. Keep up the awesome work!
As for me, I’m heading back to the front lines of my own spiritual war.
Take Care,
Clayton
Clayton´s last blog ..Tim Ferriss Diet – Week 2 – Recreational Eating
Hey Clayton!
Welcome to Upgradereality
We all have our own spiritual wars indeed, thats why at some stage I want to get into meditation to be able to have total control of my mind
Thanks for stopping by!
As always, great stuff Diggy. You are so right about it being okay to want comfort but that you don’t let it rule your life. I also like your final quote. It’s too easy to get caught up in the “things will be good soon” mentality. Will have to watch the movie again soon, it’s been a while since I last saw it.
Rock on Dude!
- Dave
Dave Witwicki´s last blog ..Switch to a Two Tier Goal System for Better Focus
Heya Dave
Thanks for stopping by man
Appreciate it!
AWESOME POST. Seriously. I love Fight Club, and I love people who love Fight Club.
Be careful though, as it was a satire. Satirizing people who take this stuff too far and end up replacing one form of social conditioning (the corporate sheep mentality) for another (independent, destructive mentality like Project Mayhem).
Notice how, despite Tyler’s hate of modern society and its message, all he can do is destroy it. He doesn’t create anything.
I think, if you go down even deeper, Diggy, you’ll realize you scratched the surface of the message of the movie. Sure, it may look like it’s damning consumerism and all the social conditioning factors that harm our society (and I’ll be the first to admit that social conditioning is, in fact, our society’s number one problem), but it goes a little farther. The message is this: at the end of the day, you can say how much you hate modern society, how much you wish things were different, how much you despise consumerism and the sheep mentality of our culture, but it doesn’t mean a thing unless you’re creating something. Destruction is just that… Destroying a system that’s already there. But creation takes more, and, ultimately, Tyler wasn’t capable of that.
bretthimself´s last blog ..Revamping Reality, Part 3: Restructuring Goals
Brett
Awesome, you’re the first to come up with the flipside of the message. I agree, taking it too far to the other side is equally destructive if not worse than the social conditioning aspect.
Breaking free and liberating oneself from social conditioning is the first step, then the second step like you say is creating something better, a world where everyone can think freely and be creative, yet still be productive.
Tyler went down the destructive path of wanting to destroy everything that had to do with social conditioning and consumerism.
Thanks for sharing your view Brett
I have a suspicion that my personal philosophy has been influenced as much by Fight Club, Dead Poets Society, Office Space, and The Matrix as all of the post-modern philosophy that grants one the title of “pretentious” simply by mentioning the authors. Then again, I also have a suspicion that those movies were influenced by those philosophies as well and just packaged them in a more approachable format.
This quote has always given me pause: “You are not your job. You’re not how much money you have in the bank. You’re not the car you drive…” While I agree with it, the same society that provides the social conditioning is also the society that measures each of us on its own terms. So here’s the rub… “Everything has been said yet few have taken advantage of it. Since all our knowledge is essentially banal, it can only be of value to minds that are not.”
Great topic. Great post.
Andrew MacPherson´s last blog ..Failure and Leveraging (Part 2 of 3) Retired on the Beach to Criminal
Hey Andrew!
Welcome to Upgradereality!!
I have not seen Dead Poets Society or Office Space yet, adding those to my must see list
Yeah , it’s about taking action. Many of us know what is right and what we should do for a better life, yet little of us do something to get there!
Thanks for stopping by
Fight Club does have an incredibly powerful message: it isn’t just ‘Wake up and smell the coffee.’ It goes beyond to ‘Wake up, smell the coffee and understand what the rest of the world went through to get your cup of joe.’
I do second the recommendation of the book the movie was made from. Chuck Palahniuk is an incredible writer.
Thursday Bram´s last blog ..Too Young To Go It Alone? Part Two
Heya miss Thursday!
Welcome to Upgradereality!
Everyone keeps suggesting the book, I am going to buy it and read it on my trip in December
Thanks for stopping by!
People are blind to illusions set upon us by experience. Our identity is not our own, it is of nature, and we respond according its rules. It takes awareness to open our eyes from the truth. But the problems is that even if we know, we do nothing about it. No wonder few are living in happiness.
Walter´s last blog ..Self mastery: the feared path
Hey Walter
It is indeed very hard to develop a strong sense of identity, derived from our core and not adopting someone or something else’s idea of what our identity should be.
Thanks for stopping by sir!
Fight club is definitely one of my favorite all time movies. I also recommend Barfly, a movie with a similar message.
All the quotes of the movie resonate very strongly with me. However, many of the people I see talking about escaping conventional lives, expect to be the “millionaires, and movie gods, rock stars” or at least blogging superstars. That is exactly the notion the movie was condemning.
Giving up a “conventional” life, to chase someone else’s notion of lifestyle design is still not solving the problem.
@Bretthimself said it very well.
“Be careful though, as it was a satire. Satirizing people who take this stuff too far and end up replacing one form of social conditioning (the corporate sheep mentality) for another (independent, destructive mentality like Project Mayhem).
John Bardos – JetSetCitizen´s last blog ..Interview with the Professional Hobo, Nora Dunn
Hey John!
Yeah, I’ve noticed that with many bloggers, having the expectation to become superstars like Darryn Rowse from Problogger.net.
For me blogging is fun, and I’m going to work hard to build up my blog, but I don’t expect it to make me rich or famous.
Thanks for telling me about barfly, I’m always interested in good movies:)
When you do it for fun, and your are passionate about it, income will more than likely come anyway when you don’t force it.
Never say never.
Dayne | TheHappySelf.com´s last blog ..Living Naked: Personal Transformation Through Bare Simplicity
“God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables — slaves with white collars. ”
Diggy, I gotta escape the white collar!
Ken Kurosawa´s last blog ..Discovering Your Motivations | Motivation Series Part 2
Yeah man!
The white collar! Grrrrr!
You’ve got a nice blog Ken, keep on working on that when you can and it may be your ticket to more freedom
Cheers for stopping by!
Diggy – Upgradereality.com´s last blog ..Be True to Yourself – Tyler Durden Style
I think it is up to the parents to teach their children, not allow them to be conditioned by everything out there.
From a young age we are competing, who runs faster, jumps higher. We like the feeling of being better, filling our egos and our ignorance.
We continue on, getting a min wage job so that that month we can buy expensive designer shoes, clothes.
In reality we are training yourself to be nothing more then slaves, paying down out car so that we can take that car to work.
It’s amazing how the people who don’t fall into this system is those who are not able to compete. Those who observe the consumers. Buying things they don’t need, spending their entire work week, working or going to school or doing school work.
Then on the weekends its the playoffs to see who collected the must crap.
I was gifted enough not to be in the social competition, it’s lonely road you might say but it’s one with meaning, with significance and with a purpose.
I love your post!
Mac´s last blog ..Life is Puzzle
Heya Mac:)
I totally agree, it begins with the parents who have the first couple of years of their childrens lives, teaching them about this world. If everyone would do what they were passionate about, I think the world would be a happier place
Thanks for the awesome comment!
This was great. Thanks for this post.
Jonathan Frei´s last blog ..How to develop a healthy information diet
Heya Jonathan!
Welcome to Upgradereality
Glad you enjoyed the post! You’re totally welcome!
[...] Be True To Yourself over at Upgrade Reality [...]
One of my favorite movies ever. Despite it being dark and intense, there is SO much wisdom and truth in “Fight Club”.
“You are not your job.”
That line should be taught in school over and over again.
Thanks for this AWESOME post!
Dayne
Dayne | TheHappySelf.com´s last blog ..Living Naked: Personal Transformation Through Bare Simplicity
Hey Dayne
Yeah totally, it’s such an eyeopener, all the stuff you have or own does not define who you are. I think it’s something to live by.
Thanks for stopping by
Hi Diggy,
Great movie, great post.
Like you referred to, there is nothing wrong with wanting or having material things, as long as those things do not come to define who you are and what you stand for…after all, they are just things. It all comes down to finding your purpose and pursuing your passions in life…the other “stuff” will follow…if by chance it doesn’t, who really cares? You are doing exactly what you are meant to be doing and living a fulfilled life!!
Again, great post…I am looking forward to digging into the archives and checking out your other stuff:)
Thank you!
~Ross
Hey Ross!
Welcome to Upgradereality
Ah, we share the same view! I hope you find more posts that you enjoy!!
Keep well!
Hi Diggy,
I haven’t watch The Fight Club yet. But after reading this article, I believe I got to watch it soon. It is true that a majority of us are brain washed or socially conditioned to do what society “wants” us to do instead of doing things that we want to do. This is where I believe we awareness comes into play. We will need to be more aware of the inner voice that guide us instead of listening to the chatters from the outside.
Cheers,
Vincent
Vincent´s last blog ..Have You Forgotten How To Enjoy Yourself?
I had a good friend threaten to punch me if I didn’t come over to his house and watch that movie. He knew how I felt about “society” and how it can control us, if we let it. He and I both felt the same on that subject, but he was into darker fare than I when it came to movies so I wasn’t sure I’d like it. I was wrong. Great movie.
Christopher Laney´s last blog ..Follow the Glow – My Guest Post on Bestselling Author Rick Smith’s Website
Hey Christoper!!
Welcome to Upgradereality, great to have you here!
Haha, cool friend you have. A little violent, but cool!
Yeah, the movie is totally awesome!
Have a great weekend!
[...] post “Be True to Yourself – Tyler Durden Style” does a good job of stripping out the primary message from the 1999 film “Fight Club”. [...]
[...] Excerpt from Upgrade Reality.com [...]
What a great post! I became interested in self-help and personal development material about a year ago, and since getting deeper into this world the movie Fight Club has been gaining new meanings.
I love the way Palahniuk has took the self-help industry, many of the basic premises on it (”This is not a weekend retreat, it’s not a goddamn seminar.”) and added a quirk in which is the fight club: men learning to overcome the social conditioning.
Sami´s last blog ..An inward look at life
Hi Diggy!
Just found you…and what do I find here!
A great posting!
“You are not your job.”
So true!
Next week I’ll post a special ’share’ posting and going to ad your site too.
I’s so happy I found your blog!
Have a great day!
BLOGitse´s last blog ..it’s time to cheer up!
Hey!!
Sorry for only replying to your comment now
Thanks for the kind words and I’m glad you like the post and the blog
Have a great day and see you around
Diggy,
First time here and I love the site! I look forward to reading through your other posts. Fight Club is a great movie and this is a post I will be sure to share with others…
Mike aka Find Inspiration´s last blog ..Inspirational Thoughts & Quotes #19
Hey Mike!
Welcome to UpgradeReality!
Glad to hear you enjoyed the post. Fight Club is my overall best movie I have seen and I am sure many others agree! The more people you share it with, the merrier! Thanks!
Diggy,
The way you’re writing – it makes my day!
Congratulations for your truly and kind thoughts. All the best!!!
Hey Sabina!!
Thanks for the kind words:) Realy appreciate them!
Have an awesome day!!
Hey Diggy,
Great post. Love the flick.
Lost the links, but a couple of essays online always come to mind when I think of Fight Club. Their main ideas:
1) The married-in-suburbia equivalent of Fight Club is American Beauty, another powerful film.
2) The wise-boy-in-a-comic-strip equivalent of Fight Club is Calvin and Hobbes. (Remember, no one except Calvin sees Hobbes.)
I’ll leave it at that. Cheers!
Tony
Tony´s last blog ..It’s Hard to Believe This is PowerPoint
Hey Tony!!
Thanks for the comment and sharing your views. Fight club is awesome, can’t get enough of it. I’m pretty sure I’ll still watch it a couple of times
WOW, this is powerful stuff. I am definitely going to watch that movie right now.
Thanks Diggy and I sincerely hope you and DJ are having a blast.
You two are my mentors and inspiration of how to live life. I tip my hat to you because of all of your wisdom at such an early age.
All the best
Hey Arturo!
Thanks so much for the kind words:)
Happy to hear that my words have some effect on people
Happy happy holidays and a wonderful 2010 for you!
[...] Upgrade Reality—Dirk “Diggy” de Bruin is a 22-year-old guy who was born in Amsterdam and raised in South Africa. His blog is all about helping you create the best world for you through personal development, self improvement and learning. Awesome post: Be True to Yourself – Tyler Durden Style [...]