 |
A**holes – The Menace of Society |
Warning: This article contains excessive use of the word ‘A**hole’.
It is inevitable. There is always some a**hole who is looking for trouble or who just wants other people to be as miserable as they are. There are two things you can do when confronted by the a**hole:
- You get in a defensive stance and drop to the level of the a**hole, engaging in a verbal or physical argument with him until it either spirals out of control or gets solved (usually in a nasty way leaving both of you feeling angry).
- You ask yourself whether there is any truth to what the a**hole is saying, and if not, then you do not waste an ounce of emotional energy on him. You act as if he doesn’t exist and you carry on doing your thing.
Reaction number 1 is what I used to do. I think many people can relate to it, because it just seems like the natural thing to do. When someone gets in your space and directs insults at you or gives you a hard time, it is just a reflex to counter with the same insults and give him the same hard time back.
The problem with this is that there are a**holes everywhere. The more you go out and the more you interact with people, the more a**holes you will encounter. They cut you off on the roads, they pose as customers of your business, they come to the cinema and talk loudly on their cellular phones, they are your boss or your colleagues. A**holes are disguised as normal people and this is why you encounter them in every type of environment.
**Note: These pictures are for illustrative purposes only, the people are not neccessarily A**holes
My experience of getting angry at these a**holes and stooping to their level of insults and abuse is that it leaves me feeling angry, frustrated and annoyed. Sometimes one single encounter with an a**hole could mess up my entire day or week, just because I couldn’t get over what he had done that day. It coulod even affect my mood to such a degree that it would spoil my interactions with my friends or family. You know how it goes, some a**hole cuts you off and nearly causes you to crash on the way back home. You are so angry and frustrated that when you get home and your wife didn’t do that tiny little thing that you asked her to, that you burst into a rage and start an argument with her (instead of saying “ahh, don’t worry about it, I’m just happy to see you”).
Do you now understand the effect that these a**holes have over us (normally) happy people? A**holes are evil people…if you let them be so. There is an alternative to dealing with them, and here it is:
How To Deal With Harmless A**holes
The solution for going through life happily without being affected by the hundreds of a**holes in this world is what I described in reaction number 2 above.
When confronted by a harmless a**hole (the type of a**hole who just makes life difficult or wants to make people miserable but is not a direct threat to you,your family and friends , your reputation or your business), you need to take a few moments to objectively analyze the situation before allowing your emotions to take over. Ask yourself if there is any merit or truth to what the a**hole is saying or doing and if there is any possibility that you are wrong. If the answer is yes, then you can decide if there is a peaceful solution that you can make by correction your error (since the a**hole has some truth or is correct).
However, if the answer to that question is ‘NO’, then you should just act as if the a**hole does not exit. Do not expend an ounce of emotional energy on reacting to him. He is just an a**hole making life difficult for others, but since there is no truth to what he is saying, there is no point in getting upset or sacrificing your happiness for it. Just pretend he is invisible. Let the a**hole rage and huff and puff and let him tire himself out. Reacting to him is like trying to lift an elephant…it’s senseless and a waste of energy.
How To Deal With Dangerous A**holes
When confronted by a dangerous a**hole there are some other principles at play, and thus other measures you need to take. A dangerous a**hole is one that is a direct threat to you, your family or friends (physical assault) or a threat to your reputation (like someone spreading rumours about your business or personal life) or a threat to your belongings (like someone that wants to burn down your house).
These types of a**holes you cannot ignore and treat in the same way as harmless a**holes, you need to take the VERY SERIOUSLY. You need to immediately do everything you can to neutralize the threat of this a**hole. As soon as you recognize that he is a direct threat to you and will not go away by not reacting to him, you need to use every tactic and action to totally overpower him or make him disappear (I don’t mean kill him).
For example, say I am out in a public venue and some a**hole comes up to me and starts insulting me and stirring trouble. Initially I will just ignore him and go my own way (since at this point he is still harmless and I am not going to waste my energy on him). I have tried to ignore him, yet he has followed me and is still being an a**hole. To me, he has now crossed my personal space and I am ready to either defend myself from him phsyically and kick his a** or get some sort of authorities or help to get rid of him. At this point I will no longer ignore him and I will very clearly let him know that he has 3 seconds to get away from me or he is going to regret it.
Of course, physical violence is not the answer and I will not attack someone without being attacked first. I am just trying to illustrate that when an a**hole crosses over from the point of just being a douche to the point where he is invading your personal space and becoming a direct threat to you, that you need to take serious action (and not just ignore him).
Acceptance of The A**hole
A**holes are past, present and future. They have been around, are around and always will be around. Although I hope to change the world with my blog and my articles and rid the world of a**holes completely, I am afraid that I have a long way to go in my quest.
Until I have completed my objective of ridding the world of a**holes, it is a wise decision to accept the fact that you will regularly encounter a**holes and be confronted by them. However, you are now armed with the proper knowledge and reaction to the two types of a**holes, which should give you a significant advantage over them! Let me recap:
- Harmless A**hole
(an a**hole who just wants to make people miserable and who is obnoxious.)Ignore and do not waste any emotional energy on dealing with him. Carry on with your own thing.
- Dangerous A**hole
(an a**hole who is a direct threat to you, your family, your friends, your reputation or your belongings)Take VERY SERIOUSLY and take immediate action to neutralize the a**hole as soon as possible.
Don’t let a**holes ruin your day and if they are a direct threat to you, do everything you can to take them out.
(I hope that you enjoyed reading this post as much as I enjoyed writing it!)
|
|
|
|
Stumble | Tweet | Bookmark |
Get UpgradeReality articles straight to your inbox
Subscribe via Email
Similar Posts You Might Enjoy
rss 
twitter
facebook 
All those stars are making me dizzy, Diggy
Also you didn’t link out in the post
.-= Danny Cooper´s last blog ..Bring Back Backlinks =-.
Hey Danny!
Thanks for stopping by. Yes I have prepared a link post for thursday that will make up for the lack of links in this one:)
Another reason why I think taking martial arts lessons is essential. Great post Diggy!
Cheers Oscar!
ha ha! this really mae me laugh!
There will always be A**holes! I used to try and be nice and reason with people like that, but realised recently sometimes you just have to give it back and actually you respect your self a lot for doing that too.
Haha! Yeah I was in a strange mood when I wrote this, but it made me laugh too when I wrote it
This surely is some kind of dirty SEO trick.
Anyway, double-parking is a nice metaphor. Sometimes, there is only one parkplace free next to a double parker. It might seem a good idea at first to take the place. But after the double parker leaves, you are the one who is a double parker. So much of for the LOA.
And the second anyway: calling someone asshole is always tricky. I prefer to address at someone’s behavior as being assholish rather than the person as a whole. It saves you some trouble if you find out that the person is not an asshole, just having a short term lapse of reason.
Heya Tom!
No it’s not a dirty trick at all, Scout’s honor!
Yeah of course, nobody is an a**hole through and through, they merely act as one. Whether it is a random occurrence or a frequent thing makes a big impact on your relationship with the person though.
I feel like these encounters are not all that common, but that’s probably because I don’t drive anymore.
If you have a quick wit, it can be fun to toy with A-holes. Don’t let them affect your mood, but do have a little fun with them.
Heya Dave!
It happens every now and then. I actually had some a**hole cut me off on the road the day I wrote this post, he really annoyed me, and then I realized, “why am I wasting my energy on this guy”.
Being a New Yorker, it’s almost funny how many a**holes I encounter. I usually end up just laughing at the harmless assholes, as New York does tend to have some crazy ones. For some people, it’s almost their way of being endearing i.e. cab drivers that yell out to passengers “Have a nice day asshole!”
The dangerous kind can get a little tricky. Often, letting them know that you’re not going to just take it gives off a strong enough message.
Great post Diggy! What inspired you to write this?
Heya Ben!
I had some a**hole that drove like a total moron and was actually endangering people on the road, it really annoyed me. There were also some encounters with other people and that just inspired me to write a post on how to deal with them, because I feel it is a waste of energy to give these people your attention and focus.
Nice post Diggy. I was looking at that picture and wondering to myself, just because the person drives a Mercedes-Benz, doesn’t mean that they are entitled to have 2 parking spaces. That’s messed up.
I think there are always going to be people like this in the world, and I like your ways of dealing with them. One is to ignore them and not waste energy on them, and the other is to try to neutralize the situation of a person that invading our personal space.
I wrote a blog entry on how to deal with people that like to cause drama; it sort of reminds me of this post. The worst thing we can do is to start more drama, conflict, or arguments with other people that try to make our lives miserable.
.-= Hulbert´s last blog ..My Brother Got Pulled Over by the Police – Part I Interview =-.
Hey Hulbert!
Often people who have money think they can break rules that everybody has to follow. You are right, there will always be people like this, it’s just a matter of not letting them get to you and learning how to deal with them in a way that makes it better for everyone.
hey Diggy
nice post, I have already met so many harmless a**holes in my life and dealt with them appropriately. However I am yet to meet a dangerous a**hole! looking forward to meet one! lol
Hey Tariq!
If I were you I wouldn’t look forward to meeting the dangerous kind 
Haha, I have met the latter kind aswell when they put a gun on me and stole my car! A**holes!!!
Luckily in UK, public can’t have guns with them. However there are a**holes with knife! The reason I said I am looking forward to meet 1, because, I am naturally a peaceful guy, I always avoid getting into trouble, natural ability I think
, may be I have read too many articles on how to be peaceful and as a result its naturally affecting my decisions to avoid trouble. I just want an experience and see how I deal with it.
So, what you’re saying is, if someone inconveniences you or causes you suffering in some way, whether they meant to or not, you automatically define them as “assholes” so you can feel justified not treating them as human beings?
Why, in the case of people who have double parked, must you assume they’re out to get you? That the only reason they may have done so is to slight you personally?
How is this self improvement?
I think another paradigm shift is in order here. Sure, we are surrounded by people who may inconvenience us from time to time, when crowded into cities we bump into each other, but that doesn’t mean when a given person lets an emotion, external condition, etc. get the better of them that they’re doing it deliberately. You simply can’t know that, even if it appears to be so at first glance.
You don’t know if it’s personal, so make it personal in a good way. Ask questions, acknowledge the other person’s feelings and get to know them. Try to find an agreeable solution to the both of you, or at least a compromise.
Instead of wasting time opposing or attempting to ignore the other person, ENGAGE and take them seriously. Empathize. Invest some quality time in them, in your community, to address what is causing them to act in an inconvenient manner and turn the adverse situation into an opportunity to connect, or at least address a wrong.
If that doesn’t work, the person is inconsolable or deliberately out to get you and you cannot dissuade them, THEN it is time to leave, get help, or defend yourself. It is never enough to just ignore someone; that dehumanizes all involved and fails to fix the problem.
Hey Chris!
.
I want to thank you for sharing your view, you are always welcome to do so
I do not agree with you though. While in an ideal world, what you describe may work, I have found that it is rather impossible and pretty senseless in trying to change people’s behaviour and get to know them while they are raging or behaving like an A**hole.
You ask how this is related to self improvement? I think in a big way, specifically because I used to react to people insulting me or shouting at me by doing the same back, which makes me no better than them. It would also mess up my day and sometimes I would take the frustration that one person caused with me into my other interactions with people. I feel that it is a whole step towards being a better person if you learn how to deal with rude people or not get affected by them.
Why would I engage some idiot who breaks the rules, why would I try to reason with him? I hope you succeed in changing every a**hole you meet for the better, I prefer to ignore someone who is just being dumb or obnoxious.
Cheers!
I’d like to hear some suggestions for “neutralizing” the dangerous ones… the type of dangerous ones I am referring to may be neighbors, family, or co-workers who attempt to damage one’s reputation.
My strategy has been to avoid contact with those people whenever possible (after attempts to straighten out the issue have failed), and to tell myself to forget about those people who listen to the falsehoods stated about me by this type of person. (Ever been “shunned” due to false gossip? It’s not pleasant!)
… by the way, this has only occurred in two instances in my life – one fizzled out on it’s own – the other has not. I think the only solution is to somehow “neutralize” the person’s affect on my own thoughts, since I cannot stop their actions.
Heya Dory!
Thanks for stopping by!
How to deal with dangerous ones? I’d say get help and if possible get authorities involved (police or law). I can imagine situations where you are “forced” to be in contact with someone who is purposely out to get you (like a work colleague or neighbor or whatever). Ignoring them will usually not make them go away, and if you can’t make a difference by telling the police or by starting a court case, then you will have to either : live with their abuse, move away from them or let them know that you fight back and if they don’t stop messing with you they are in for serious trouble.
I hope that helps, I know it’s pretty general, it’s just what I think I would do under the circumstance that you are describing.
Amen to A-holes. LOL! Awesome post. I do agree with you on this one completely. I found that as I got older and I get better at my Karate (which I teach now) that I can walk away more often. We tend to feel threatened more often when we don’t know what to do if they do continue. The best way to walk away more often is to be more prepared to deal with them not letting you. I tell people all the time that I feel more comfortable in a foreign country that does not speak a language I know, because I can’t tell when they are being a-holes to me.
Heya Jeff!
Haha, glad you like the post, it made me laugh while I was writing it!
Yeah you can often pick up by the body language if someone is being an a**hole and I totally agree with the fact that the more confident you are that you can kick the guys a**, the more easily you will be able to walk away and just ignore him (until he takes it too far).
Hey Diggy.
There sure are some entertaining people out there. Good call separating these folks into the types that are not harmful to us, and the types who have some interest of bringing about harm. This is an important distinction. Type 1 can be set aside in our minds, and Type 2 can be dealt with swiftly. Swift responses sometimes seem out of place to bystanders at first, but they are important to reinforce the right actions.
Classic double-parking example image there – those drivers are usually a bit out-of-touch in their lives, so double-parking is like a way to exert some short-lived authority.
.-= Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..Others Won’t Create The Perfect Circumstances For You =-.
Hey Armen!
Yeah there is definitely a difference, some people are annoying but don’t pose a real threat. There are also others who are annoying who will cause a serious problem if they are not dealt with in an approproate manner.
Thanks for stoppping by!
I guess i got to stop being an A**hole then..lol! Nah but really great post!
Hey Jonathan
Haha, easy now! How you been man, long time!?
Diggy,
Oh the assholes… I couldn’t agree with you more. Ignoring an asshole is typically the best thing in the world to do… Most are full of shit and won’t do anything. And when they realize they aren’t getting attention, they typically leave.
On the other hand, there are the dangerous assholes as you pointed out… I just had an encounter with one a couple of weeks ago who put me and my family at risk… I was still had the adrenaline shakes when I wrote this post about an hour after the incident. http://blog.exploringuruguay.com/2010/02/we-almost-got-mugged-about-an-hour-ago.html
Thankfully everything turned out okay… But at the same time I was ready and intent on killing the guy if it progressed any more than it did.
When you are in a situation with a dangerous asshole, in my book you have 1 of 2 options… Fight or run.
.-= BrianJUY´s last blog ..How to Sell Your Place of Business =-.
Heya Brian!
Yeah, they are pityful and attention seekers. Glad to hear you are okay, seems pretty crappy to have that happen to you. I know what it’s like because I got highjacked at gunpoint by 5 guys. The unfair thing about it is that they are prepared for it and for you its totally unexpected. Most of these criminals are weak and cowardly and would not dare to fight fair.
Keep weel and enjoy the weekend!
Enjoyed your provocative post … wanted to share Andy Borowitz’ thoughts on a**holes and Hummers …
http://www.borowitzreport.com/2010/02/25/decision-to-stop-making-hummers-saddens-assholes/
Glad to hear you liked it
Ah, assholes. I have seen my share of them lately… thanks for the tips
Hey Diggy,
New to your blog, but i think its first class – very interesting and enjoyable, and its impressive that you take the time and effort to reply to so many comments. I’ll be checking-in regularly.
And I agree about the A-holes, its just a shame their are so many of them!
Alex
Hey Alex!
Welcome to Upgradereality, thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. it’s good to hear that you like my articles
Hope you have a great weekend!!
I don’t what to say other than this post made me laugh. Thanks for making my day.
[...] Arrogance: One of my favorite pastimes is having deep conversations with my friends about anything related to life (yes I’m aware that’s a big topic
. Yet there is always someone (I admit occasionally me) that fails to accept that they may not be right. I like a person who is confident in their beliefs, but not so confident to where they ‘know’ they are certain. I’ve run into this several times when discussing religion and it quickly disrupts the flow. Your beliefs are from your experience only. Simply put, arrogance makes you look like an ass. [...]